New territory

[momtara]

Ah, so you don't think he had BPD before all that?  And no mental illness at all?  Interesting.

It's a shame that that happened.

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[allibaba]

My husband was a sensitive guy and he had some thinking that wouldn't be considered 'normal' but to answer your question - he was a totally different person to interact with... .he didn't suffer from mental illness when I met him.

[momtara]

Then maybe other people are right that it's not BPD, or not strong BPD.  You'd think someone would have had it much earlier on.  Although maybe he had it mildly if his thinking was different from others.

[allibaba]

Hi Momtara,

My husband has got all the classic symptoms of BPD and experienced some abuse as a child etc.  It was such a relief to find it because it was the umbrella that helps me to understand most of his behavior.  He's had a couple of periods in his life where he's 'lost it' and climbed his way back to a normal life (big battle with drugs in his early 20's and now this).  I think that its safe to say that he's BPD but when things are going ok - he's mild.  When he's under significant stress it comes out with a vengeance.  I'm not necessarily sure that BPD is his core issue, though (huge PTSD contingent, may be mildly bipolar, may have to do with head injuries like others have suggested).

At the end of the day, since I'm not treating him or pretending to treat him or even trying to treat him... .I don't think that it matters where the behavior is coming from as long as I am reacting appropriately to it.  Validation, boundaries, etc I think work with a whole range of mental illness as well as bad behavior from people that do not suffer from mental illness.  I know that my husband suffers from mental illness but have been able to use the tools at work with other folks too.

By the way, my husband also had Type 1 diabetes for about two years (full on insulin dependent) and now that is mysteriously going away (first off insulin, now even the pills are giving him low blood sugars).  Type 1 diabetes normally something that starts as a child too and you never recover from it.  I think that basically my husband is such a sensitive fellow that he reacts strongly to stress... . So strongly that even his body (immune system) starts to shut down.  The doctors here are still shaking their heads about the diabetes.  They initially thought that a virus of some sort stopped his body's ability to produce insulin and then out of no where - 2 yrs later - it started up again.  I just don't know - he's just one of a kind.  

[momtara]

And he's yours! 

[allibaba]

This weekend my husband and I named his BPD personality.  I named him Juan Pablo and told my husband that I don't argue with Juan Pablo - it just makes him angry.  It was a cute joking thing.  My husband called him Generale Juan Pablo Garcia Hernandez.

So my husband is out job hunting today and its making him really, really nervous.

He sent me a message letting me know that he dropped off his resume.  I replied "Great just don't expect them to respond.  Work on other leads and then if they contact you it will be a pleasant surprise."

He replied "ok.  It was awfully nerve racking just dropping off the resume.  I'm so sick of being this new person.  I really dislike Generale Juan Pablo Garcia Hernandez!"

I replied ":)on't disrespect the General! He'll be very displeased!"

I'm sitting here at work dying laughing so hard and there is literally no one that I can share with.

I'm assuming that making light of it is a good thing and that it might be therapeutic for him... .then again maybe I've just lost the plot.

[zaqsert]

This weekend my husband and I named his BPD personality.

That's great!  It made me laugh too.

Naming emotions can be really powerful.  My T helped me learn that naming feelings can help us turn them into things that we can deal with -- something I had partially missed out on growing up.  So naming his BPD personality, and the fact that you and your husband were able to do so, sounds awesome.

[SweetCharlotte]

Naming is great as long as you are careful not to make the name too meaningful. I used to call my uBPDh "Phyllis" when he got dysregulated. That was his late mother's name. I knew her pretty well when we were kids and she was definitely the genetic source of his disturbance. Obviously, this did not contribute to our getting along peacefully, so I stopped.

However, it still strikes me how much he looks like his mother when he gets "that way." His facial expressions and mannerisms become a carbon copy of hers. Fortunately, she was a very attractive, even beautiful, woman, so it is not too bad to watch, just horrible to deal with. Happy to report that I haven't seen much of her lately.

[allibaba]

SIGH.

Two more broken doors over two weeks.

I've really been upping the standards of his behavior around our son.

I gave him 3 options this morning:

1.  Get help with me involved.

2.  Get out in a finite time frame.

3.  I am calling his dad and brother to get them involved.

He advised me that its ok for him to punch holes in walls of half the house because half of it is his.

YEAH ---- NO SIR.

I'm going to go ahead and post on the legal boards... .sadly.

[Seashells]

Allibaba

I'm sorry to hear of this setback.  I'm concerned for your safety.  I'm glad you let him know this is unacceptable.

Please keep us posted when you can. 

[allibaba]

He's punching holes in walls and doors because he knows in no uncertain terms that if he hurts me/ our son or the dogs... .then he's going to jail.  That's a positive at least.

[KateCat]

allibaba,

This is just the toughest moment, allibaba. (And there was really no way around it. It was bound to come.) Things will have their one, really good chance to change for the better in the coming months. It's miserable that you have to have so much additional courage at this time of the year, but know that you are doing the right thing. 

[AnitaL]

Sigh, indeed.  You are a loving person and are standing strong for yourself as well as your son and dogs.  They are more than lucky to have you in their lives.  I wish you the best as you continue forward, whatever direction that may be.

[briefcase]

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