Projections

[cal644]

I was just interested to see what kind of projections some of you have received from your BPDex during your time together.  Here are some from when I was white and when I was black.

1. you only want me for sex

2. I can physically see the woman in my mind that you belong with

3. I'm scared to death of you (never one harmed or threatened in my life)

4. I know I'm just your fill in wife

5. You will never change

6. I know you've slept with all these other women (lie - only EVER been with my wife)

7. Your Bi-polar -LMAO

8. I've always been who you wanted to be

9. I don't have a happy memory this last year

The list goes on and on - but would like to hear from others

[trevjim]

1. All men cheat they are disguting. I think this was because she had/maybe was cheating, and alot of people like her mum etc had affairs, and she projected it onto men and even me with accusations about me cheating.

2.your a bad dad. said this when we split, I know i was a good dad to her son, i think she this because although she is a brilliant mum on day to day things, her current boyfriend is the third 'dad' for her son now and i think she feels responisble for that.

3.youve got problems you need to see a doctor... .  

4.your so cold and heartless

[Somewhere]

Fun list.

Started a few years back.  Early one I recall was that I "caused" her Eating Disorder.

First one that caught my attention as a projection was that "my" perfectionism was ruining our lives.  HUH?  In business I operate on a theme of Never Do A+ Work for a C- job. 

Have had projected in the past, and again more recent, that I do not want her to have a job.  That is a cover projection for all the folks who ask (much more politely) why she is such a goof-off.  (had been spending 20 to 30 hours  a week doing exercises).  I carried her on my business payroll for the past few years.  Finally "fired" her this last year because she refused to help on anything.

Lately a new and truly wacky one is that some couples therapists will not see us because they are afraid that I may be some sort of stalker who will do something really crazy.  okkkaaayyyy.  So I called one she said this about, just to check.  they say, ummm, no, that is pretty wacky. 

[Furuma3]

Nice to hear all everyone's had to put up with. Here goes:

1) you helped give me cancer

2) you are making my cancer come back (been cancer-free a year now)

3) everything would be okay if you only loved me more

4) you don't care about the kids enough

5) you'll move right on after we split up

and the list goes on... .  

[angelica_evil]

1.)I keep all of these guys on my facebook so I can have 'dirty' chats with them and meet up for sex. (I have no males on my Facebook that aren't platonic friends or family, HE is the one who has at least a hundred females he doesn't know in person that send him off color pictures, and he chats with regularly)

2.) I purposely push his buttons and 'make' him say these awful things to me or get upset and break things, because I am a typical psychotic female, who is very good at getting people to think he is the crazy one, and not me.

3.)All females cheat and lie and are shady. Females are the source of all of his problems in life. (he has caused so much stress and so much trouble for me, his mother, ex girlfriends, etc. He has also cheated on almost every single female he has ever been involved with. When he talks about his 'serial cheating' ex who 'destroyed his trust in the human race', i remind him that he met me while he was involved with her, and asked him why he felt innocent for trying to meet girls online. He claims it was 'child's play' compared to what she did.

4.) I am 'unable to control my emotions'

5.) I 'lie to him constantly, even about very minor things' (this is his issue, obviously

Good ole projection.

[gina louise]

projections plus explanations in parentheses.

1. you ruined my life   (um, no... .  He repeatedly raged, trashed the house, filed for divorce, threw me out, sold his home, moved into a rental and is now chasing younger women he doesn't even know- all within 2 months) mind boggling-this one.

2 you are too dependent on me- but oh wait-did you find ME a job yet? (LOL)

3 you hate me, you were abusive to me... .  (yet he can't relate quite HOW I abused him- not even one instance-bc it's simply untrue. I never even called him a foul name!)

4 you are a nag/btch (you are not allowed to have opinions/feelings)

5 I can't trust you, ever  (which means: don't trust ME-ever)

6 all women are sluts/ psycho  ( which means this absolves him of any and ALL wrongs that he commits against those psycho btches)

7. I am FINE and Perfect. You are damaged beyond belief and require all sorts of counseling. (which means he's scared HE may never feel sane/normal)

8 You ARE: Arrogant, Contemptuous, Evil, Psycho, Pathetic, Abusive, Stubborn, Controlling... .  (insert insulting epithet screamed in face here) and I feel the UTMOST DISDAIN for you!

(That's stbxBPDhactly what he knows HE is.)    'Nuff said.

I know he's in deep turmoil and pain, inside. So I pray for him a lot. It's a lonely but busy and superficial life he lives. I don't miss the emotional /verbal abuse.

GL

[Tormenta]

Nice to hear all everyone's had to put up with. Here goes:

1) you helped give me cancer

2) you are making my cancer come back (been cancer-free a year now)

3) everything would be okay if you only loved me more

4) you don't care about the kids enough

5) you'll move right on after we split up

and the list goes on... .  

"You are making my cancer come back"? OMG.

A hug for everyone!

- Women nowadays think they are very modern but Nature puts you in your place, having children.

- Women are mean.

- Women can´t do a thing nowadays, you have left all that it was good: cooking, taking care of children, cleaning, decorating... .  women can´t do a thing nowadays.

- Women can´t drive.

- You waste too much money, women whose parents did all the work and gave them money... .  

- You are lame, are you going to buy everything at clearance? Don´t you have money or what?

- You don´t do what others tell you to do, you are impossible!

- You are like a child / you are a grandmother

[FollowingBliss]

1.  You are so selfish

2.  You HATE me, I KNOW you do.

3.  You only keep me around to feel better about yourself.

4.  You are unstable, I can't handle you (said while self-injuring).

5.  Stop blaming me for your problems.

6.  You lie a lot.

[Take2]

1.  You are pure evil

2.  You are diabolical

3.  You are a liar

4.  You don't know how to respect a man

5.  You will die old and alone because you are unable to respect any man

6.  Every man kicks you to the curb and winds up hating you because you are disrespectful

And you know what... .  ?  I'm SO tired of being shattered and abused... .  that I almost don't care anymore that he just said these things to be last week... .    I just don't want to ever EVER experience his bizarre insanity EVER again... .  

[Traye]

1.  You're angry.

2.  You're manipulative.

3.  You're controlling.

4.  You have no control.

5.  You're clingy.

6.  You don't know what you want.

[angelica_evil]

I understand that painting a particular group of people with the same broad brush strokes (ie: black and white thinking) is common for those with BPD, but has anyone else noticed that a LOT of BPD men seem to have a huge grudge/vendetta against all women?

[Take2]

I don't know... .  mine definitely paints ME black but he doesn't generalize that type of behavior to all women... .  he does the idealization with the last new girl (who he is quickly over... .  )

[FollowingBliss]

I just don't want to ever EVER experience his bizarre insanity EVER again... .  

Amen to that!  I guess thats where we need to focus on ourselves and figure out how the heck we got here, right?