Poorly this evening, and sad

[mango_flower]

Another post from me (sorry)

I have a stomach bug.  I feel absolutely rubbish.

Just sitting here alone, stabbing pains through all my joints... . it's awful.

I miss her tonight.  She'd take such good care of me when I was sick.  I rarely get sick, but she was always amazing.

She'd trek out in the middle of the night to get whatever medication I needed, sit up with me, generally just give me loads of TLC - she was even sweet when I threw up all over her one night in bed - she just sorted it all out and sorting the bedding, gave me lots of cuddles and tucked me up.

I was feeling so much stronger, and beginning to think I could do this.

And now I just feel rubbish and sad and have tears falling down my cheeks as I type this... . when does it get easier?  Feels like it's all a sick game - you think you're feeling better and then realise it was all just an illusion!

[trevjim]

You will always feel worse when tired or sick, I had a fever for a bit and it made the situation a lot more intense, just try and ride it out

[clairedair]

hi mango_flower

so sorry to hear that you are so unwell.  If you are used to her looking after you as well as you describe, then it's understandable that you will miss that care terribly.

I don't believe that being upbeat yesterday was an illusion.  You will have good moments and days and for a time they will be followed by gut-wrenchingly bad days.  It's reasonable to expect that having been raised up and the dropped from a great height it's going to take time to get back onto an even keel.

I got annoyed with some family members last night who were pushing me to move forward - I don't think it's unreasonable to not be totally healed, well and ready for another relationship after the breakdown of a long-term marriage and years of recycles, mixed messages, incredible highs and dreadful lows.  Five months is nothing.  I know they are anxious in case I still feel an attachment to him and just want me to be happy but I just end up feeling like a failure for not being there yet.

Even if you've been in a short term relationship like this, it will mess with your head (and your body, your finances and your other relationships) to such an extent that it's possible to take a longer time to recover than the amount of time you were actually a couple.  I'm not trying to depress you - just ask you to be gentle with yourself. 

Another post from me (sorry)

And don't apologise for posting!  If nobody posted, the board wouldn't exist and I for one would not realise other people were going through something similar.