reforging a conncetion

[Doats]

After being split, and her leaving after suggesting that we temporarily live apart for financial reason(something she saw as me abandoning her) I have decided that I want to do everything in my power to show her that 1 she is not alone and that I am still here for her and 2 trying to rebuild what was accidentally broken( i did not know much about BPD before this event as she had only been diagnosed a month or so prior). Fortunately her behaviors although consistent with BPD seem to be rather mild compared to many accounts I have read.

Currently we are going through a period of non contact (Her or a friend of hers idea) but that will be over soon and I am looking for ways to break back through to her. Anything would help, we were together for over three years, and when I asked her to marry me i did not take that lightly, and still want to be with her and support her through all of life's hardships.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bruceli]

Just trying to understand " live apart for financial reasons?"  My BPDso has suggested that in the past also.  Just wondering if is a BPD trait.

[briefcase]

Hi Doats and  

Are you engaged to her?  Are you planning on moving back in together?

I also saw that one of your goals was to demonstrate to her that she isn't alone and that you are there for her.  Just remember, that people with BPD feel "alone" and like "no one is there for them" becuase of their own issues - not because no one actually is there for them.  So, you can be there for her all day long and she still may feel alone and like no one is there for her.  If she has BPD her feelings often have very little to do with the "facts" as you see them.  It can be a no-win.

It might be more productive, at least to start, if you focus on just taking care of your side of things - don't engage her in arguments, use boundaries, give her emotional validation, etc.  The workshops in the Lessons are a good place to start.  

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Doats]

We were engaged for over a year when this all happened. I have been hearing some of the perceptions of the situation from friends since I am unable to contact her. All of which fit right in with BPD traits. Unfortunately her friends are living in denial about her BPD and that does not help in the least. Right now there is no option to live together again she is putting alot of walls up and looks at me as if I were a stranger. I am trying to help myself but it has been a tough road. I am not ready to move on as this was the only major episode we have ever had together I keep living on hope that things can get better but some how a wall has to be taken down.