Starting to miss her

[ZigofZag]

Help,

I have been in a relationship for over six years. She was violent towards herself and me.

Been separated for four months now, only contact with her is to arrange contact for me to see our small child (7 month old daughter)

I am starting to feel lonely and find myself remembering the good times.

I need to break through and was not expecting this feeling at this stage.

[MarcinN7]

Try this.

Take a piece of paper.

Divide it into two columns.

One the left start writing out all the bad things she has done, and everything she upsets you with.

Ont the right side write down everything she has/was doing that was nice/good for you, that you liked.

Don`t write about sex and looks. Everyone can have sex and there are over 6 bilion people on this planet. You can find someone sexier and better looking.

[xenia]

It's okay to miss her. It's important to feel all your feelings, even the ones you think you shouldn't have.

[Validation78]

Hey Zig!

The stage you are at is is difficult and since you can't go NC, you will have to find a way to incorporate her into your life without setting yourself up to be hurt. It is OK to feel the way you do, and completely normal. Additionally, feelings will arise when we least expect them. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling, and don't be too hard on yourself!

When I found myself thinking of something good about my ex, I quickly replaced the thought with something bad. If that didn't work, I said a prayer, over and over to distract myself. Before long, the habit was automatic, and now, I have very few good thoughts of him. I have good thoughts of my life without him!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[ZigofZag]

Thanks for the advice,

I have taken it on board and completed my lists and trying to change my recall when thinking of the "good" times. It is clear when written down that it was a corrosive relationship.

As I walk around the house I can see the damaged doors, the broken kitchen units and the need for a complete redecoration with new carpets. I have also started to put up printed reminders. My favourite one at the moment is “sometimes all you need to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve”. I have that one on the toilet door!

I guess that I am just feeling lonely and coming to terms with the fact that all my dreams, plans, and hopes for the future have gone.