I'm going to send him the bill for my std tests. Thoughts please.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Just got my bill for all the tests I had to get. It has been proven without a doubt he was cheating. How many others I don't know. I have been with no one else but him since before our relationship.

Here's the deal. This really is not for revenge. I really don't think I should have to pay 270.00 for something I did not cause. I am unemployed and trying to start my own business and have a son in college. I have bills. I can't afford this at all.

I realize he will probably not pay but I think he should at least get another wiff of the damage he has caused. It is possible he will pay though because for some reason out of all the problems and damage he causes he has a thing about not looking like a deadbeat. He was really good about paying for things throughout the whole relationship and did send me a check after for a trip he ruined because he bolted.

Thoughts? Stop me now or forever hold your peace. Lol.

Oh btw. It was negative thank god but I think that is besides the point.

[seeking balance]

It was negative thank god

Up to you - likely he won't pay, more drama and you will be hurt deeper.

On the other hand - he may pay and apologize ... .

I would be pissed too - I certainly paid for ridiculous things during the divorce, so I understand being super angry about crap that I should not have had to pay for or deal with.

Whatever you decide will be right for you.

Peace,

SB

[Iwalk-Heruns]

It was negative thank god

Up to you - likely he won't pay, more drama and you will be hurt deeper.

On the other hand - he may pay and apologize ... .

I would be pissed too - I certainly paid for ridiculous things during the divorce, so I understand being super angry about crap that I should not have had to pay for or deal with.

Whatever you decide will be right for you.

Peace,

SB

Thanks SB.

The truth is it is a bill I really cannot afford right now. I don't expect an apology. I know for sure I would not get that and it wouldn't even mean anything to me anyway.

I will not engage in anymore drama at all. I refuse. He either sends me a check or he doesn't. I don't think he would even engage me anyway. It's how he works. He ignores until his current relationship explodes.

I guess I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Why should this be any different than asking for payment for the deposit on a trip he took off right before knowing full well he never even intended on going to. I know this for a fact.

I actually think I am at a point where he cannot hurt me anymore. I wasn't before.

[myself]

It's worth a try. Keep your boundaries up. Good luck!

[Jonie]

Hi SB,

If I were in your position, I would aks him about contributing to the costs by sending him a short, factual message - and only one  . It's good to give him a signal that it is not ok that he treated you like that, and that there are consequences involved.

And then try to leave it at that, whether he actually pays or not. He may or may not, for various reasons either way. No reminders, no thanks if he does pay... .

[Jonie]

sorry, got the name mixed up! It was meant for you, IH!

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Hi SB,

If I were in your position, I would aks him about contributing to the costs by sending him a short, factual message - and only one  . It's good to give him a signal that it is not ok that he treated you like that, and that there are consequences involved.

And then try to leave it at that, whether he actually pays or not. He may or may not, for various reasons either way. No reminders, no thanks if he does pay... .

Exactly Jonie! I was just going to follow up saying. I would send him the bill and just write matter of factly, I think this is your responsibility to pay. Nothing more. No accusations nothing. And yes no following up if he doesn't. Thanks good advice.

[Jonie]

I'm happy for you the test results were ok! Good luck!

[TwoCents]

This will definitely not be the popular opinion but here goes:

Logically your argument is unsound.  If he owes you for the STD tests, then he owes you for therapy, the cost of membership on a dating site, the costs for those dates, and even the cost of anything he would have paid for in the future were you still together.  All of those costs can be traced back to his cheating as well.

The reality is that you ordered unnecessary tests.  Doesn't sound like you had symptoms or other specific reasons for needing to be tested, other than he had sex with someone.  People have sex all the time and if everyone got tested after every partner, that's all many of us would spend our money on.  Perhaps you got tested to create a sense of harm or hardship for yourself, so the cheating would have greater consequences and the harms it caused to be more tangible.

By the way, there are very often places to get tested, such as the health department, where the cost for screening is significantly less than $270.

I definitely feel for your situation, but I don't think this is the way to resolve the pain he put you through.

[Waifed]

I wouldn't bother.  Eat the cost and carry on.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

This will definitely not be the popular opinion but here goes:

Logically your argument is unsound.  If he owes you for the STD tests, then he owes you for therapy, the cost of membership on a dating site, the costs for those dates, and even the cost of anything he would have paid for in the future were you still together.  All of those costs can be traced back to his cheating as well.

The reality is that you ordered unnecessary tests.  Doesn't sound like you had symptoms or other specific reasons for needing to be tested, other than he had sex with someone.  People have sex all the time and if everyone got tested after every partner, that's all many of us would spend our money on.  Perhaps you got tested to create a sense of harm or hardship for yourself, so the cheating would have greater consequences and the harms it caused to be more tangible.

By the way, there are very often places to get tested, such as the health department, where the cost for screening is significantly less than $270.

I definitely feel for your situation, but I don't think this is the way to resolve the pain he put you through.

To quote another member. " honey is that you? " Lol. Just kidding.

Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I truly just think that he owes me the money. I am not looking for any soothing of my pain. That can be done in so many other ways than this.

Also, I don't think one should wait for symptoms to go get check out when they have been exposed to someone else's unprotected sex. I guess because I don't sleep around  I have a different view. We had an agreement in the relationship that we were monogamous. If he didn't want to be then he should have left. He put me at risk. I think it's irresponsible to sleep with someone if you are not sure if you have something. Some do not have obvious symptoms at all. Just because it HAPPENED to be negative does not mean that it was not needed. That is hindsight.

By the way I went to my regular doctor. Given the circumstances he insisted I get tested. I didn't think I should go to a public health facility. I had insurance. This is what they didn't cover. Sorry I guess I don't follow your logic on the other instances he should pay for. Apples and oranges.

Thanks for your input though. I appreciate it.

By the way I do think he owes me for therapy but that is more of a gray area. This is pretty black and white.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Just wanted to say I am not sitting home crazed over this. I got my anger out to him over the cheating long ago. I just opened the bill today and my knee jerk reaction was why the hell should I have to pay for this? I should send him this. Whatever happened to you play you pay? At least be a man about that if nothing else! So now I have to pay money for his screwing around. It pisses me off. I let some other financial things slide that he legitimately owed me but on principal this pisses me off.

Anyway, I probably won't send it not because I think it's wrong if I do and I do believe he does owe me but because if I never hear from that Ahole again it will be too soon. I'll suck up the cost.

Just wanted some opinions. Thanks!