Narcassism in NonBPD - my part in this

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have been seeing my T for two years now and today I might have made a massive breakthrough in understanding my relationship/trauma with my on/off BPD girlfriend.

I am a narcassist.

The horrific injuries suffered and the incomprehensibility of the pain and loss at each break up is because I have made this person an extension of myself. My ego has been repeatedly shattered and then patched up with each recycle. The trauma gets deeper and more fragmented.

So having thought I was the 'lonely understanding co-dependent child' I'm having doubts.

Past relationships and behavioural patterns- paranoia eating disorders and treating 'nice' girls badly etc have forced me to look at this relationship from a different angle.

It makes sense when looking at the nature of the bond and why staying in the relationship becomes a matter of life or death. Because as a narcissist it is literally like you are loosing a limb because by definition these people have become an extension of ourselves.

This also helps explain why and how we get sucked into the intense neediness and love bombing at the beginning.

I don't know if anyone else relates to this?

[Front runner]

I have been seeing my T for two years now and today I might have made a massive breakthrough in understanding my relationship/trauma with my on/off BPD girlfriend.

I am a narcassist.

The horrific injuries suffered and the incomprehensibility of the pain and loss at each break up is because I have made this person an extension of myself. My ego has been repeatedly shattered and then patched up with each recycle. The trauma gets deeper and more fragmented.

So having thought I was the 'lonely understanding co-dependent child' I'm having doubts.

Past relationships and behavioural patterns- paranoia eating disorders and treating 'nice' girls badly etc have forced me to look at this relationship from a different angle.

It makes sense when looking at the nature of the bond and why staying in the relationship becomes a matter of life or death. Because as a narcissist it is literally like you are loosing a limb because by definition these people have become an extension of ourselves.

This also helps explain why and how we get sucked into the intense neediness and love bombing at the beginning.

I don't know if anyone else relates to this?

[Skip]

It makes sense when looking at the nature of the bond and why staying in the relationship becomes a matter of life or death. Because as a narcissist it is literally like you are loosing a limb because by definition these people have become an extension of ourselves.

This also helps explain why and how we get sucked into the intense neediness and love bombing at the beginning.

It sounds like you are making great progress in therapy - and have a good therapist.

I think your point is right on the money for many of us - what makes these relationships painful is how we are processing our side of it.  And the narcissist/borderline paring is very common.  Have you seen this book - https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56788.0

So having thought I was the 'lonely understanding co-dependent child' I'm having doubts.

Past relationships and behavioural patterns- paranoia eating disorders and treating 'nice' girls badly etc have forced me to look at this relationship from a different angle.

Have you taken this test?  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202548.0

[Front runner]

Thanks Skip,

That book looks just the ticket. I'm going to order it now.

[Cloudy Days]

I have had my own little epiphany lately. I recently stumbled on this article about Codependency.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships

I don't think I am Narcissistic however if you read the article, seriously Codependent people come off that way. It seems I am just as dysfunctional as my husband is, or at least my core wounds go just as deep. I am lying to myself without even realizing it.