Hi!
I have been in what I think BPD rs for about 1.5 years. More info about my experience is in the
introduction section.
So the thing is - I determined what is wrong with my rs - I already knew that the behavior and reactions to various stimuli from my gf are inadequate but I didn't know how to explain it. It didn't occur to me that there are such PDs that would explain this. I researched it for days and came to conclusion that i was right all along - there is no hope. There are so many things that I don't like that I have to leave. It was obvious that she wouldn't.
So I packet and left - a bit more than 2 weeks ago. There was begging, talking about suicide, anger, then "can we still be friends", anger, texting, emailing etc. Finally she calmed down but still was very clingy - asked me to give us another chance - I was so getting better, I finally could do something at my job but this pressure built up. I started imagining things - how life could have turned out. And a week later we met, we talked, I ended up at her place, in the morning I left. Now the second week - again we meet, we talk, she was willing to do anything and I bought into this. But things are changing back as they were before, therapist is off the list and behaviors seem to gradually return, tho she tries to be a good girl for now and please me. We do not spend our time together - I told that I have a busy work schedule, she has problems in her family so we are keeping it low. It is obvious that it can't work out - she hates(silently) my family (from what I have heard she keeps a grudge against them because in her mind they are ones who turned me against her), I don't like her family either, we do not share common interests - completely divergent world views - Actually there is nothing common - on what foundation this relationship can survive? I won't live at her place, and I won't get a new place just for "us", because I have become very cautious. Besides that - I don't trust her - there is nothing that could change these feelings. Everything is set - bye bye.
But - I want to do it the right way - I want her to understand that it is over - like OVER - don't contact me, please! I suspect this is utopia and it is just my willpower that will keep me in line not to contact her.
The question is - how to end this - politely, sweet, with minimum hard feelings? What were your experiences? I think it should be done in person, but boy - those tears and weeps... . Thing is - I really care about her and do love her, I just can't help her to feel more whole. Maybe there is a person who can tolerate her behaviors better than me and she does have a better shot with someone else... .
I suspect she knows what will follow, because previously she had similar experience - second time didn't work out as well. I know for sure, she won't harm herself -she has quite an extensive family at arm's reach so she will be fine. Nevertheless, how do I approach? The first time I was cold and distant - I tried not to listen to all those repetitive weeps of real love, connection, good times etc. It was hard but I managed. But now I want to end this - fast.
Thank you!
