Another list of unacceptable stuff

[icecream]

List of unacceptable stuff:


We met through online dating at that time you were still living with your wife although you didnt were together anymore you said.

After months of intense communication we planned to meet.

Our first meeting was awesome!

We started to make out within the hour and had the most romantic weekend we could imagine.

After then the confusion started... .

Your wife moved out that very weekend and day after i asked you how it was and she said she received a love-letter from her?

Suddenly i wasnt who you thought i was and after some weeks of missing eachother you said we didnt match sexually eventhou we basicly didnt left the bed a whole weekend.

We sort of broke up eventhou you would get hysterical if losing me you said.

So unconciously i kept working harder to show you my love and to proof myself.

Confused posts on social media, flirts with others but meanwhile i didnt gave up yet.

We planned to meet again at your place and during a conversation between 2 of your friends i heard you had something going on with someone else. When i asked you about it you told me she was just a friend. Few days back home your status changed into relationship with this woman... .

Several weekends i noticed on your gf page you spended time together while the next day early morning getting messages how depressed you were... . Happend a lot! I didnt mentioned these investigations cause that would make me an obsessed ex or stalker and still hoped she would honestly tell me the truth out of respect. But i was prepared which helped a lot during getting over her.

We planned to meet again at my place.

I was seeying someone else, so was she and i had no intention cheating on mine, eventhou i realized there was only one in my heart. So we met and right before you sended me we are not more then friends so dont try to make a move to make things awkward.

We had a lovely time among friends and i was ok with that. One year after you send me you had such a hard time when we met back then not to be close to me... .

Suddenly i got hold on some tickets for our favorite band in my town. I asked you to come and you said yes i will but wait till flightickets get cheaper. During some weeks you gave me a silent treatment. I sort of set my boundery and asking her to at least show some respect! Suddenly i get a message saying she wouldnt come to the concert and cancelled her flights. You didnt book them yet i say, oh yes i did! I didnt believed her, a simple email of her booking or cancellation would have cleared it but she stayed stubborn and i was the guilty one for expecting too much from her!


Meanwhile we had so many conversations which didnt ended normally, i came back for more, taking your words as truth and longing for answers, communication was Always on her need for attention. But hoped i would get the respect to al least tell me the truth. You dont want to hurt me you say. I say i preffer the truth eventhou that can hurt but it doesnt hurt as much as a lie. I dont lie you say... .



Last week i recieved and invitation from one of her friends at an event. I kindly refused it and think her friends dont have a clue on who she is or what she does... .


I've learned a lot meanwhile and this site is extremely helpfull, thank you for reading!

[Want2know]

Last week i recieved and invitation from one of her friends at an event. I kindly refused it and think her friends dont have a clue on who she is or what she does... .


I've learned a lot meanwhile and this site is extremely helpfull, thank you for reading!

Glad you are finding our site helpful... . there is certainly a lot of support and information to help detach from our pwBPD.

I see that this relationship ended quite a while ago, yet you continue contact with her.  I'm not clear if there have been recycles or if it is just email/phone contact, as it seems that you live far from each other.

Taking a look to the right of the screen at the 5 stages of detachment, where do you feel you are right now in the process?  Detaching will be much harder if you have such involved contact with her or have been still seeing each other trying to remain friends (in some way).

[icecream]

Thank you Want2know for your support.

Our relationship ended 2 years ago out of the blue. During break-up conversations i never got closure or clear answers while i desperatly needed them to give the whole situation a place and peace in mind. Meanwhile she kept sending mixed signals of missing, love me, dont want to hurt me-stuff.

I agreed on friendship as it seemed my only option to possibly get some clarity and i never had a clue i was possibly dealing with a pwBPD.

Silently i hoped she would suddenly see the light and i realized a friendship has different values for me then i was experiencing with her. Plus i realized i still wasnt over her yet. Thats how contact continued on both sides.

With her current girlfriend and listening to her chaos i realized i was fooling myself as well. What was i doing, hoping, by staying in contact with someone who only kept me on the hook to fill her instant needs online and eventually leaves for fun with another. So i decided to stop going back for more by chatting to her... . And i bumped into all this information online which made the puzzle fit.

There is no more contact since 2 months which starts to getting a feeling of detachment. And it feels great!

The five steps... . I try to read them over and over but find it very hard to put in practice and how to practicly give it a go... . English isnt my language and i think i need an example or more simplyfied version. Do you have any idea how or were i could find a step-plan to give it practice?

[Want2know]

There is no more contact since 2 months which starts to getting a feeling of detachment. And it feels great!

The five steps... . I try to read them over and over but find it very hard to put in practice and how to practicly give it a go... . English isnt my language and i think i need an example or more simplyfied version. Do you have any idea how or were i could find a step-plan to give it practice?

There are a few articles on detachment, however, detaching is not a simple process, unfortunately.

In looking at your situation, being that you are 2 years out from your break up, but have had a lot of communication since then, with thoughts of some continued kind of relationship (ie. friendship), it seems from your post above that you are working through the first 2 stages - acknowledging and exploring your feelings.

The 3rd stage usually happens after there is some extended period of no contact or limited contact (limited contact basically means not addressing the emotional side of your relationship, but keeping it more business like.  For example, for those who have children together, how they manage raising their kids, or if they are married and have to work through dissolving their property, etc.)

This is when you start feeling like your life is moving forward without the daily emotional rollercoaster of missing them or confusion over the break up.  It's when you start seeing how what you went through in the relationship has given you some insight into your role in the dysfunction and being able to process what lies ahead for you.

In the 4th stage is when you have a newly found feeling of doing something different than you have been doing, and moving forward with new activities, thoughts, and a more well-rounded view of your life, which after being in this mode for a while, you finally reach the Freedom stage where the relationship is truly a part of your past and your life is your own with the thought of your relationship as a distant memory.

Not sure if this helps, so please feel free to ask questions.

Do you still have moments where you feel emotional about your ex and confused about where your life is headed without her?