Broke NC

[Depression = 72% of members]

Last night I broke NC to answer an email stating that if I wanted my udxBPDex to leave me alone then he wanted to hear it from me.   He felt that I had "made my point" by not replying to any of his previous emails and texts,  and he also hoped that we could still be friends, talk and chat sometimes. 

My response was that I was not trying to make a point, but that I had gone NC for my health and sanity. No we could not be friends, that together we are not healthy. Yes, this is hard and yes I do miss you.   At the end I stated I do want to be left alone. 

He surprised me with his response... .I expected the usual, please forgive me , don't do this to me type of response email.  What I got instead was ... .Good luck. He is sorry for the bad he participated in and is feeling egregious.   The craziness caused him to do things he thought he would never do, and again, he is feeling egregious.  He would not contact me again unless it is concerning something not related to us.  And another "good luck".

I find it hard to believe after 7 years of on again off again, and 6 months of me trying to end this relationship for the last time, all it took was for me say " Leave me alone"?   Seems to easy?  He has been unable to go 1 week without contacting me and now he is really going to leave me be?    We shall see...    

I know it will take me some time to adjust to not checking the phone for emails and texts.  It will be a relief once I do get used to it.  I can't recall how many times he spammed me with texts because I did not reply quick enough to the first one.  So I check, constantly. Even though I have not replied to any in the past week, I still check.

This post is mostly about getting it out for me.  Telling someone.  I don't talk to anyone about what is going on or how I feel.  I feel like I have dumped on my family and friends enough over the years.  I stopped seeing my T.   She just didn't seem to get it.  She thought I was giving to much attention to the illegal drug use and porn  then to how I was disrespected by my udxBPDex.   Well, that was a big part of how I was being disrespected!  So it was a big issue for me and got a lot of my attention. 

Anyway, thank you all for listening. 

[dakini9x]

Last night I broke NC to answer an email stating that if I wanted my udxBPDex to leave me alone then he wanted to hear it from me.   He felt that I had "made my point" by not replying to any of his previous emails and texts,  and he also hoped that we could still be friends, talk and chat sometimes. 

My response was that I was not trying to make a point, but that I had gone NC for my health and sanity. No we could not be friends, that together we are not healthy. Yes, this is hard and yes I do miss you.   At the end I stated I do want to be left alone. 

He surprised me with his response... .I expected the usual, please forgive me , don't do this to me type of response email.  What I got instead was ... .Good luck. He is sorry for the bad he participated in and is feeling egregious.   The craziness caused him to do things he thought he would never do, and again, he is feeling egregious.  He would not contact me again unless it is concerning something not related to us.  And another "good luck".

I find it hard to believe after 7 years of on again off again, and 6 months of me trying to end this relationship for the last time, all it took was for me say " Leave me alone"?   Seems to easy?  He has been unable to go 1 week without contacting me and now he is really going to leave me be?    We shall see...    

I know it will take me some time to adjust to not checking the phone for emails and texts.  It will be a relief once I do get used to it.  I can't recall how many times he spammed me with texts because I did not reply quick enough to the first one.  So I check, constantly. Even though I have not replied to any in the past week, I still check.

This post is mostly about getting it out for me.  Telling someone.  I don't talk to anyone about what is going on or how I feel.  I feel like I have dumped on my family and friends enough over the years.  I stopped seeing my T.   She just didn't seem to get it.  She thought I was giving to much attention to the illegal drug use and porn  then to how I was disrespected by my udxBPDex.   Well, that was a big part of how I was being disrespected!  So it was a big issue for me and got a lot of my attention. 

Anyway, thank you all for listening. 

[Mutt]

It seems easy but it's not dakini9x. 7 years is a long history. I'm sorry.

There's no right or wrong. He feels hurt with NC. You let your guard down and it's OK to tell him what your boundaries are. It's about taking care of you.

A pwBPD don't respond well to boundaries. He will test it again and again. It's up to us to maintain those boundaries with NC.

What do you mean by dumped on family and friends? Shop for another T. You pay them money. Sometimes we don't get what we pay for. Find one that syncs with you. Find one that understands the disorder.

Hang in there.

-Mutt

[yaryu]

I recently told mine to never contact me again.  All she said was don't contact me! I think she was fishing to see how I'd react when she called me day before yesterday.  I failed.  I answered it.  She knows she has control of me.  Her mom came by my apartment for some help a few hours ago and I had to call her, she didn't even answer the phone.  No idea what she was doing.  As you can tell she has no boundaries.  And of what I've read about here, they will test yours over and over again. 

When we're not talking, we would text within a week with the I miss you and love yous, get back together, ad nauseam.  I would wake up every hour through some kind of automatic response just to check my phone for text.  I don't expect that anymore because she's probably out there doing all sorts of nasty things with other people.

Most if not all conversations with my close friends and family have been about her.  They can't do much but be understanding even though I know they are tired of my inability to fix my problems.  I have to find a T soon for myself.  I think it's important.

Stay strong and keep focus.