1 Year Since Breakup

[drxap]

It has been about a year since I broke up with my exBPD fiancé. I was recycled for about 2 weeks about 2 months ago. She was using me to cheat on the guy that she was cheating on me with... .

I find it impossible to make friends let alone date because I have flashbacks to her all the time, especially when someone is nice to me.

Should I try therapy again? Are there even therapists that understand BPD?

[Fluff]

Therapy. Always. 

[StayOrLeave15]

Therapy. Always. 

Therapy is essential.  Having someone to reflect your feelings back to you reinforce that the relationship wasn't your fault. 

BPD patients can be difficult for therapists to treat, but treating their non partners/ex's and reminding them what is reality and what is part of the FOG is something that a therapist can definitely do for you. 

Therapy and these boards are an invaluable part of the recovery process.

[SpringInMyStep]

Therapy. Always. 

I agree about therapy. It really does help to put things in perspective.

[drxap]

Therapy. Always. 

Therapy is essential.  Having someone to reflect your feelings back to you reinforce that the relationship wasn't your fault. 

BPD patients can be difficult for therapists to treat, but treating their non partners/ex's and reminding them what is reality and what is part of the FOG is something that a therapist can definitely do for you. 

Therapy and these boards are an invaluable part of the recovery process.

I was in therapy for awhile, but my therapist did not understand that I wasn't in a normal relationship. She directed the sessions to be about how I can make friends and get my needs met... My last session she complimented me and I had a flashback to my exBPD. I haven't been able to bring myself to make an appointment since.

[Perfidy]

Try this dxrap, get the new Sin City movie. A Dame to kill for. Observe and pay close attention to the character Ava. This might help. Observe her effect on the men she engages.

[StayOrLeave15]

I was in therapy for awhile, but my therapist did not understand that I wasn't in a normal relationship. She directed the sessions to be about how I can make friends and get my needs met... My last session she complimented me and I had a flashback to my exBPD. I haven't been able to bring myself to make an appointment since.

That can be really difficult.  Then the focus becomes the problems you have rather than the problems the relationship causes. 

My therapist was accurate from the first session I mentioned my BPDex (after our first date and our talking following it) saying "This is a very insecure girl," and later he went on to say she is likely Borderline. 

The couples therapy we attended, however, was a bit more frustrating.  Our therapist refused to give her a BPD diagnosis and focused on irrelevant points in our relationship (and validated a lot of her irrational behaviors!), so I know how it can feel to have a counselor who doesn't understand.

[BrokenFamily]

I've had it very difficult in the two months since the breakup; I lost the girl I love, my job, my truck and I only get to see my daughter 1/2 the week. But to put things into perspective I've realized it wasn't my fault. I bought a new car, have a new job, I'm filing for full custody of our daughter and I'm not getting screamed at and called names anymore. This could just be my mood today which could change tomorrow but I'm kinda enjoying it being over.

[antelope]

It has been about a year since I broke up with my exBPD fiancé. I was recycled for about 2 weeks about 2 months ago. She was using me to cheat on the guy that she was cheating on me with... .

I find it impossible to make friends let alone date because I have flashbacks to her all the time, especially when someone is nice to me.

Should I try therapy again? Are there even therapists that understand BPD?

between the time you broke up and the recent recycle, were you consistently in therapy?

how much/what type of contact did you have with your ex during this time?

3 things are paramount in your recovery from this:

-no contact/complete physical detachment from your ex

-understanding the disorder

-understanding your role in the relationship, specifically why you stayed and remain involved with an emotionally dysfunctional person who treated you very poorly

therapy can help guide you through various points of this, and reading here aids immensely with feeling connected in your struggle and recovery... .but no contact is an absolute must... .

read the points in the box to the left "five stages of detachment">> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

where do you feel you are now?

[drxap]

between the time you broke up and the recent recycle, were you consistently in therapy?

how much/what type of contact did you have with your ex during this time?

3 things are paramount in your recovery from this:

-no contact/complete physical detachment from your ex

-understanding the disorder

-understanding your role in the relationship, specifically why you stayed and remain involved with an emotionally dysfunctional person who treated you very poorly

therapy can help guide you through various points of this, and reading here aids immensely with feeling connected in your struggle and recovery... .but no contact is an absolute must... .

read the points in the box to the left "five stages of detachment">> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>

where do you feel you are now?

We were in couples counseling before we broke up, which only made things worse. After we broke up I was just finishing school. I couldn't handle any major life changes for awhile, so I took some time of before I got a job, during which time I had no money for therapy. I finally started therapy about 6 months after our breakup and stored going after 2 or three months of not getting what I needed.

Shortly after I started therapy, my BPDex started being really nice to me, taking the blame for our failed relationship. My therapist encouraged me to continue getting my needs met by her, so we got intimately involved again. I tried my hardest to not get emotionally involved, but she was just so seductive. Ever since I found our she was dating someone while sleepng with me, I have just been a wreck, and I have been very strict NC for 2 months. If she would have been hurtful during my exit, then I probably wouldn't be working right now.

I would say I'm stuck in the acknowledgment stage. I had blocked out a lot of the events from our relationship to cope, and they keep coming back to me now.

[kentavr3]

Treat and read books about codependency.

[drxap]

I don't think I'm codependent. I just have trouble forming relationships as a result of trauma. In fact, I am extremely independent.

[maxen]

I was in therapy for awhile, but my therapist did not understand that I wasn't in a normal relationship.

there are therapists who have experience with PDs. i had one, who spotted the BPD in my wife, and now another one. ask the therapist first if he/she has had such experience. keep asking each candidate until you get a 'yes'.

[Blimblam]

I don't think I'm codependent. I just have trouble forming relationships as a result of trauma. In fact, I am extremely independent.

You see this is where it gets tricky because when I hear the laundry list of codependency it doesn't really fit me but I end up in codependent relationships.  I find a lot of the short lists of what these sorts of labels to consist of to be largely inaccurate or just generalized in a broad stroke.

Really it is the same way for BPD which is why a lot of pwBPD probably hate the label. 

The truth is everyone plays a part in the madness that is society. Perhaps some people are more sensitive than others so we get to scapegoat them.  But the whole shebang is insanity.  Society itself one big fractured compartmentalized mind.

[Pingo]

dxrap, sometimes you have to try a few different T's to find the one that fits well.  I also tried MC with my ex and it was not helpful at all, only made things worse.  Then I saw a T while we were splitting and she was good but wasn't provocative enough for me, I really am stubborn and need someone who can challenge me on my BS.  So in googling r/s addiction I found a T in my area with a great website and many articles that I loved.  So I called her and now I'm seeing her and it has been so great.  Such a difference.  I would encourage you to shop around and find someone who knows a thing or two about this disorder.  Also, would you consider a male T?  Would this help with the triggering?