This was below me... and might keep her away

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Many of you have read my story, here it is in case you want context: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271943.0

Guys, the date that my ex girlfriend and I last texted was February 6th, 2015.


THE FINAL TEXT I HAVE EVER SENT TO MY EX, FEB 6TH 2015. SHE DIDN'T RESPOND.

Two days ago your mother called my parents, my mom didn't pick up. My Dad did, and your mom simply indicated that I had sent you some e-mails that had your concerned about my mental health. Which is 100% true, I did But you and I both know that 2 days ago is when i contacted you and I told you I was doing a lot better. Very strange that it's only now weeks later that you and your mom become so concerned about my stability, and not actually when I WAS UNSTABLE. Not calling you a hypocrite, but you are a hypocrite. Anyways, I gave your mom a quick call, "MS. *name*, if you're worried about me, feel free to call me directly, thanks for your concern, reece." I couldn't even get the full sentence out before your mom rudely interrupted me and said "Reece-I have no desire to talk to you, I'm leaving" and hung up the phone.

And a lightbulb went off in my head. It sounded just like you. Evading criticism at all costs but expecting other people to take it when you dish it.

And that's when I realized. The best part of our relationship was when you were staying with your dad.

You are your mother's daughter. You will end up just like her, manipulative and cold for the rest of your life.

You've been so heavily influence by her to think badly of me and my famiy.

There is no hope for you. Because your are like my brother *he joined a cult*: too lost to be helped.

And that's it. I've figured you out. I have my answers. You'll end up just like your mom. Taking the life out of men. Ending up in some apartment somewhere.

Just like I'm sure your mom stripped the soul out of your dad.

You'll end up doing the same to some poor man.

have a nice life.


                  It's been over a month now since we last talked, everything ended when she had her campus police call me to tell me that " She wants you to just Leave her the hell alone"

I miss her very much guys. I want so badly to apologize for that text, but if I contact her in any way, she will use it against me. If I contact her in her in any way, it will give her all the control. I just want to talk to her so badly.

Questions:



Would you EVER contact someone whose last text message to you was that text?

Was that a really hurtful text you could never let go?

Is that text liable to make it where she will never contact me again?

Is one month of No Contact even long enough to start using the word "ever?

I feel so bad... .I miss her so much, I don't know what to do.



-Reece

[Reecer1588]

Many of you have read my story, here it is in case you want context: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271943.0

Guys, the date that my ex girlfriend and I last texted was February 6th, 2015.


THE FINAL TEXT I HAVE EVER SENT TO MY EX, FEB 6TH 2015. SHE DIDN'T RESPOND.

Two days ago your mother called my parents, my mom didn't pick up. My Dad did, and your mom simply indicated that I had sent you some e-mails that had your concerned about my mental health. Which is 100% true, I did But you and I both know that 2 days ago is when i contacted you and I told you I was doing a lot better. Very strange that it's only now weeks later that you and your mom become so concerned about my stability, and not actually when I WAS UNSTABLE. Not calling you a hypocrite, but you are a hypocrite. Anyways, I gave your mom a quick call, "MS. *name*, if you're worried about me, feel free to call me directly, thanks for your concern, reece." I couldn't even get the full sentence out before your mom rudely interrupted me and said "Reece-I have no desire to talk to you, I'm leaving" and hung up the phone.

And a lightbulb went off in my head. It sounded just like you. Evading criticism at all costs but expecting other people to take it when you dish it.

And that's when I realized. The best part of our relationship was when you were staying with your dad.

You are your mother's daughter. You will end up just like her, manipulative and cold for the rest of your life.

You've been so heavily influence by her to think badly of me and my famiy.

There is no hope for you. Because your are like my brother *he joined a cult*: too lost to be helped.

And that's it. I've figured you out. I have my answers. You'll end up just like your mom. Taking the life out of men. Ending up in some apartment somewhere.

Just like I'm sure your mom stripped the soul out of your dad.

You'll end up doing the same to some poor man.

have a nice life.


                  It's been over a month now since we last talked, everything ended when she had her campus police call me to tell me that " She wants you to just Leave her the hell alone"

I miss her very much guys. I want so badly to apologize for that text, but if I contact her in any way, she will use it against me. If I contact her in her in any way, it will give her all the control. I just want to talk to her so badly.

Questions:



Would you EVER contact someone whose last text message to you was that text?

Was that a really hurtful text you could never let go?

Is that text liable to make it where she will never contact me again?

Is one month of No Contact even long enough to start using the word "ever?

I feel so bad... .I miss her so much, I don't know what to do.



-Reece

[oletimefeelin]

No one here can answer the "never ever" question.  You're torturing yourself asking that question.  Time will tell.  At some point, this dance between the borderline and non has to end.  More often than not it's the healthy one that needs to cut contact for good for this be over.

Now what you wrote wasn't particularly nice, but you knew that already.  Listen, I said some stuff I really felt bad about after the fact.  I apologized soon after.  It really bothered me that I had behaved so out of character.  What you realize after things have settled down is that these chaotic attachments have you saying and doing things you'd never have imagined yourself saying and doing.  So calm down and give yourself a break.  She appears to be no choir girl in her own right.  The situation for you right now is such that you have been boxed into a corner.  Try to accept that and keep moving forward.

[JPH]

Questions:



Would you EVER contact someone whose last text message to you was that text?

Was that a really hurtful text you could never let go?

Is that text liable to make it where she will never contact me again?

Is one month of No Contact even long enough to start using the word "ever?

I feel so bad... .I miss her so much, I don't know what to do.

Those were pretty harsh words. I sent e-mails that were similar in tone, pointing out the well-known crazy streak within my ex-BPD girlfriend's family. And she's the only person I've ever called a whore. I was such an emotional wreck after taking care of her and dealing with her brand of chaos for nearly two years that I acted very much out of character. In hindsight it would've been best to remain silent and to let her go rather than stirring up a hornets' nest.

It doesn't really matter how you and I would respond because we don't have personality disorders. I'll tell you what my ex did though. She got vindictive. Be careful what you do and say, as hell hath no fury like a borderline scorned. My ex forwarded my messages to friends, family and co-workers. I began receiving messages from people I hardly knew. Not long afterward the false charges began. And I'm fairly private by nature, so having so many strangers witnessing the airing of our dirty laundry was pretty embarrassing.

However, did it stop my ex from contacting me? Unfortunately for me, no. And if hangup telephone calls, false charges, calling my family, etc. were the only way she could maintain contact and get a reaction out of me, she used them toward that very end.

Yes, one month is way too early to safely assume you won't hear from her again. However, just because you hear from her again doesn't mean you'll like whatever it is she has to communicate.

Be careful, man. She's already contacted campus authorities. Don't think for one minute that she needs a legitimate reason to seriously mess with your life and future. At some point you need to begin thinking about what's best for you. Borderlines can be extremely vindictive and will stop at nothing to destroy your character in the most public of ways. At some point self-preservation has to kick in, at which point you have to let her go and begin to take care of yourself rather than wasting all of your energy and time on her.

[Mutt]

Hi Reecer1588,  

I understand you feel badly and want to talk to her badly. Your angry and hurt in your text and she called the campus cops.

I can relate sending angry emails post break-up where I did get a call from the cops because I was abandoned and in a lot of pain. A pwBPD feel low self-worth and have feelings of shame and guilt, powerful emotions and I found when I triggered her shame after the break-up I was threatened with harassment.

My best advice is to let her go because she may very well call the cops; spend this time detaching and identifying why you have a bond with her.

Attachment leads to suffering; detachment leads to freedom, take a look at the lessons on the right side of the board  ---------------------->

1. Acknowledgement

[Reecer1588]

Thank you all for your kind responses. Frankly, now that it's been  month of silence, it's hard to tell whether my uBPDexgf still even thinks about it. I know I think about it, I grieve the loss of our relationship that I cherished so much. I wish I could know if she still thinks about me, about our relationship. She won't let me in her life anymore, won't talk to me, won't do anything.

      To be honest, that was one of the things (of many) that made me think she might be BPD at all. The fact that she could so quickly throw away everything we had together... .That she could Throw me Away. That she had such little mental fortitude holding us together in her mind... .

Really though, I still doubt she's BPD. The fact that she doesn't self-injure, drink, party, didn't have a replacement lined up after me, etc.

Question 1

I actually really like relating to the people on the boards. Does my text message relate to other people here? Has anyone else sent their ex's something similar?

   

Question 2

And has someone else sent their ex something really hateful (like I did), have their ex go silent on them, then they later resurface? How long did their silence last?