Failed in court today :(

[newlifeBPDfree]

Just an update on my situation. I have been harrassed via text messages and phone calls every single day. My exBPDh also tries calling me at work and makes his number unknown. when I pick up, he calls me a white trash, whore etc. I stopped picking up but the texts wont stop either. I get them at all times of day or night - even 3 am.

I'm on the verge of nervous breakdown and don't know how much more I can handle. I have been frantically calling around to find a lawyer to handle this for me because I realized that I cant do it all on my own anymore.

We went to mediation intake meeting and scheduled mediations but they are not until May. Until then I'm supposed to let him derail my everyday life?

[ForeverDad]

I'm thinking the judge checked the box "no recording" more to prevent triggering more conflict than to keep you from documenting harassment.  Probably just the judge going down a list... .keep your distance... .no firearms... .no following... .no recording... .etc.  Or did he give special emphasis to the recording item?  I doubt it.  It was just one of a list of restrictions.

That's what this is, harassment.  Harassment is serious, though as you're finding out the legal system seems inclined to hamstring the target with well meant with sabotaging rules.

I think you'll have to record his voice, something much harder for him to credibly deny than denying the texts or your statements about his calls.  Which is worse, him harassing you (a very serious offense if documented) or you recording his harassment (a comparatively minor technical violation)?  That's something to ask a lawyer about.  Otherwise it's easy for ex to deny it and then it's dumped into "he said, she said" bucket and judge proclaims I don't know which is true.

Maybe discuss this with your boss, he may instruct you to record or maybe it's already being recorded pursuant to the business's practices, um, "for quality control"?  Then just ask the boss for copies?

Another idea is that when you think he's likely to call then put the phone on speakerphone and let your witnesses hear him.  If they can identify him then they could testify that they heard him harassing you.

You may not need to tell the court you recorded.  If you go back to court you can state what he's doing with his calls and show the texts (snapshots or printed to paper) and when he denies it then you can offer the proof of calls starting with the ones at work.  Of all places there is no expectation for him to call your workplace.  Seek a legal opinion, you may even have basis to not wait but quickly seek an emergency order if you have proof.

What goes around, comes around.  Yes, it is distressing but he's waging emotional warfare.  Try to look at it as all bark and no bite?  Can you picture him as a barking but toothless dog and the worst he can do is gum you?

[newlifeBPDfree]

Lol Foreverdad! I absolutely love your last sentence. I do think it's more bark than bite but it's I teetering with my life so much I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by his drama. And yes you are right about the check list. The judge just went down the list. I'm currently waiting for a lawyer to call me back. I hope it's soon because his behavior needs to be corrected ASAP.

[tjay933]

since he is not making his number known and he is harassing at work-can you call the police and have them ping the calls to id him as the caller and them make him stop. i know a lady at work was getting harassing calls at work from someone she didn't know. she called the police who started monitoring the line for her so that when he called she would have proof so they could get an order against him-i think they would even record the calls-no orders against that. check with your local police to see if this is possible? then he'd really be in hot water if the local police have to get an order in your behalf.

[livednlearned]

I have been frantically calling around to find a lawyer to handle this for me because I realized that I cant do it all on my own anymore.

I think this is really important newlifeBPDfree. We would not try to single-handedly put out a fire that is burning down our house. Maybe for a few minutes until the experts arrived... .but very few of us have the time or focused state of mind to learn the legal system, much less represent ourselves during a highly emotional time.

When you have an L involved, you let someone else who is less emotionally invested share the burden. A good L might not be able to stop your ex from doing what he is doing, but he or she will be able to set things up so that there is a strategy and a methodical way to deal with things in court if it comes to that. Your ex may also see your L as a higher authority. Or, like in my case, your ex might start to target your L instead. I learned from my L about how to deal with bullies by watching how she dealt with N/BPDx.

The other piece to this is psycho emotional. It's learning how to manage your emotions so that you don't have a nervous breakdown. So you let the L deal with the legal stuff, and you deal with your emotional challenges. That's the first step to taking care of yourself.

[newlifeBPDfree]

I actually just got off the phone with a lawyer I like. She said she could definitely help me get the order reinforced. She said she knows my judge and she has good relationship with her.

The only thing is the price is a little steep for me. But it's totally worth it. I just need to come up with the money somehow.

[tjay933]

I'm happy for you. I know you can do it.   and yes, it will be worth it.