Husband

[kai1988ss]

I'm going to keep this short and to the point as best as possible. I would love to hear from anyone for advice on dealing, managing life, and feeling loved again. For many years together I thought he just had bad temper or random blaming me were normal(I'm usually wrong is what I'd tell myself). He started then to consistently blame me if he got mad and broke something it was because I was there or I wasn't working. Something crazy that I had nothing to do with. My husband was a heroin addict from high school to about 23 no longer addicted but using some anxiety meds ( nothing addictive) that help. He can't keep a job nor do the effort to get one I have been our supporter for 6 years working two jobs. He sits at home plays video games when I am at work. When he is with me... .He's never really with me (hard to explain). I feel like I'm last, I always have tried to help and support him but I don't no how to get through... .he will find a way to turn any argument/talk to be my fault or something totally different, I no he has his own personal struggles I try to be understanding and don't criticize but I get ill and want some true attention and love from him can I do something different I just don't no how to react to any of this anymore I'm exhausted... .It's so frustrating because I love him... .Love the caring humorous side not the blaming, constant if you do this I'm divorcing you, I'm going to cheat if you don't stop, and no sexual response from him at all (I even lost 60 lbs in top shape still nothing) Please help me to start doing something right... .Or move in a positive direction because what I do obviously is not working!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sweetasabee]

A little distance makes a heart fonder... .if its true love.

If not, it maybe hard but you do deserve to be happy...

[waverider]

Sorry to hear this, it is hard to know where to start. In order that you may get some structure into the way approach this I would recommend you work your way slowly through the lessons

LESSONS

Waverider

[an0ught]

I would love to hear from anyone for advice on dealing, managing life, and feeling loved again.

A little distance makes a heart fonder... . if its true love.

Yeah, sometimes I think there is some truth to that. In an enmeshed relationship it becomes hard to have enough distance to truly perceive the partner and love them. And in an enmeshed relationship it is hard to love your partner if you don't love yourself. And pwBPD do struggle a lot with themselves. A little distance or even better proper boundaries can sometimes work wonders. Often recovering respect comes before recovering love.

A general path to recovery is laid out in the LESSONS (see waveriders link).

I feel like I'm last, I always have tried to help and support him but I don't no how to get through... .

This is complex until you have developed a deeper understanding of BPD and practiced enough validation to judge where he is emotionally. Then it becomes often quite simple. At times the best you can do is not to help and simply step back. At times the best you can do is to provide the right words - and some may not be positive. At times he needs TLC. BPD is quite situational and a good first step is developing a better map through validation.