How often did they split you and recycle you?

[elessar]

The first time mine left me was summer 2006, but it wasn't a rage-filled breakup. But she would call me over every 2-3 months to criticize me more. After the 3rd time I finally got angry and she left me alone for 4 yrs. From early 2011 to mid-2014, it was on/off on average every 4 months. Then she decided to marry someone else and split me black again and was gone for 8 months, before contacting me that her marriage got called off two weeks before the wedding. This was in early March. I dreaded her 4-6 month period, and so this week I again got split black. I can't even count how many times I have been split black. This was the first time I knew there will be an end, because there is always an end, so I saw it coming and I expected it to happen in August.

I am wondering what is it like for the rest of you, when they split you black and then recycle you?

[Zpinal]

none, zero, nada.

I didn't allow that to happen.

[fromheeltoheal]

I am wondering what is it like for the rest of you, when they split you black and then recycle you?

Buried in that question is an indication that you gave and might still give her a massive amount of power elessar; have you looked at why you did that?

[Michelle27]

I was split black over and over again but never actually left the relationship/marriage until this last time when I knew it could never be repaired.  I suppose I was "recycled" over and over again because I kept allowing the same abusive behaviors with no consequence, but not in the way it's used here.    No chance in hell I will ever be recycled that way.  I'm moving on with my life, my healing and the healing of my daughters.

[shatra]

People have written about it happening a dozen times or more. People have written that the BP splits them black and then the BP attempts a recycle weeks later, months later, or even years later.

     I am not sure what prompts the attempt at recycling... .whether first they begin to split you white, and then contact you, or whether they decide to contact you and then split you white (since it would be uncomfortable for them to be with the "split black" version of you they distortedly seem

   Another question is: what about when they split you white again and don't attempt a recycle?  Does that mean they aren't yet ready, but since you're white again, they'll make an attempt in the future?

[gameover]

Another question is: what about when they split you white again and don't attempt a recycle?  Does that mean they aren't yet ready, but since you're white again, they'll make an attempt in the future?

I'll let you know when/if it happens .  But I think she knows I'm non-recyclable--which might be why I was split white in the first place (i.e. not a threat to her engulfment/abandonment fears).

[zundertowz]

We lived together for 3 years and I was was split black often... .I was kicked out twice in the last 6 months and came back so I guess I was recycled twice... .both times we were apart for less than a week... .the third time I was kicked out I was done... .she may have been also who knows.

[Tangy]

Hi I'm new here and browsing/replying to some threads.

I was split 5 times while in the relationship, a 6th time which led to an actual breakup where he moved out, and then we got back together, had wedding plans brewing (we had already been engaged during our 3 years), and things were the best they'd ever been getting back together, until he cheated, and then split me again. Haven't heard from him in over 30 days which is the longest we've ever gone without talking. This one for me was the final nail in the coffin.

[HappyNihilist]

My exBPDbf didn't split me black after the breakup, although he'd done so at times during the relationship.

We didn't recycle - it's been 1.5 years since the breakup, and 6 months of NC, so I don't really think there will be any attempts on his part (who knows though), and I'm done anyway.

He didn't really try to recycle when we were still in LC, although he sent me longing emails and wrote me a mushy poem (and he's not a poem-writing type guy). I probably would have gone back and tried again if he had, at that time. It's best for both of us that it didn't happen.

Most pwBPD do recycle or try to, it seems. And I'm sure that sometimes it works out. But it's hard once you've become a trigger, and it requires radical acceptance on the part of the 'non.' Otherwise, it's just going to be the same old rodeo.

[ppb2la]

My uBPD and uNPDbf recycled me 11 times over 5+ months. Crazy right? Over silly stuff like lighting a candle in my own home; texting him to double check I was buying the right brand of coffee for him etc.

It says something about my state of mental health that I allowed him back in all those times. The last time I saw him was June 22 this year. He had been living in a hotel and left that day. He came to my place unannounced and was planning on spending the night. He was in a terrible mood. He went into a temper tantrum because he sensed I wasn't thrilled he was there unannounced (he had a habit of showing up at my place like that quite a few times) and because I lit a candle in my living room without asking his permission.

I haven't seen him since. I wrote him a long email that same night confronting him about his two personality disorders in a loving and caring way and suggesting that he needed to get help as I have myself with my OCD and depression. I knew I ran the risk of being permanently painted black in doing this, but even though I still felt and feel some love for him, I knew this couldn't continue. I guess I wrote the email as a form of self-protection for myself if that makes any sense.  Having been reading these boards, I have come to realize that BPDs do recycle continuously and even come back after a year or several years.

I still checked up on him on social media because I was concerned about him ,and it seems he was living out of his truck for most of the time until now. He was constantly on the dating site where we met sometimes changing his profile up to three times a day such was his own inner turmoil. The last changes were on Aug 21. Then on Aug 23 he posted a pic of himself with a girl on his FB page and put "in a r/s." He looked absolutely awful as if he had aged 5 years.

I know that she will be idealized at this point and am guessing he has moved in with her as he has run out of options. I feel sorry for her as to what she will be experiencing. I continue to pray for him as even though he is mentally ill, I feel a lot of compassion and empathy for him.

I don't know if he will ever reach out to me again. Reading the boards, it is possible. However, I am trying to move on as best I can as we all know even if these r/s were only of a few months' duration, it feels like years as they are so intense.