Did your BPD partner call you names?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My ex fiance BPD called me a lot of names over the years.  Here's a list of things he enjoyed calling me:

1)whore

2)hooker

3)prostitute

4)slut

5)lazy

6)slob

7)drunk

8)raging alcoholic

9)ass

10)b___

11) "you're not as pretty as you think you are."

12) "People tell me you look like a football player"

13) "look at your fat gut."

14) "you have a fat gut and fat ass."

15) "when you met me you had nothing and now you leave me with nothing you loser."

16) "who else in this world would ever want YOU?"

17) "you have no friends or family because you're an ass."

18) "no one in this world cares about you, except me."

19) "my business partner hates you."

20) "all you've done is use me youing piece of."

[EmptyShell]

My ex fiance BPD called me a lot of names over the years.  Here's a list of things he enjoyed calling me:

1)whore

2)hooker

3)prostitute

4)slut

5)lazy

6)slob

7)drunk

8)raging alcoholic

9)ass

10)b___

11) "you're not as pretty as you think you are."

12) "People tell me you look like a football player"

13) "look at your fat gut."

14) "you have a fat gut and fat ass."

15) "when you met me you had nothing and now you leave me with nothing you loser."

16) "who else in this world would ever want YOU?"

17) "you have no friends or family because you're an ass."

18) "no one in this world cares about you, except me."

19) "my business partner hates you."

20) "all you've done is use me youing piece of."

[saintgrey]

Im glad your not in that relationship anymore ! wow

With my ex during our final days we started to use insults but nothing to that extend, i think that couples need to respect each other and when we reach that point its very difficult to go back.

Was it always like this during arguments or just at the end of your r/s ?

[enlighten me]

Mine hurled allsorts at me including calling me the C word many times. She even once threatened to have some of her friends give me a kicking. She denied this and said I must have Alzheimer's as she couldn't remember saying it.

[JohnLove]

enlighten me, this happened in my relationship the night before last. She has called me the C word on occasion before. Yesterday she denied even saying it. I related the context in which it was said and even her phrasing. She went silent on the subject.

I told her she should get that amnesia checked. We have been very LC since. :'(

[Mutt]

My ex fiance BPD called me a lot of names over the years.  Here's a list of things he enjoyed calling me:

1)whore

2)hooker

3)prostitute

4)slut

5)lazy

6)slob

7)drunk

8)raging alcoholic

9)ass

10)b___

11) "you're not as pretty as you think you are."

12) "People tell me you look like a football player"

13) "look at your fat gut."

14) "you have a fat gut and fat ass."

15) "when you met me you had nothing and now you leave me with nothing you loser."

16) "who else in this world would ever want YOU?"

17) "you have no friends or family because you're an ass."

18) "no one in this world cares about you, except me."

19) "my business partner hates you."

20) "all you've done is use me youing piece of."

Hi EmptyShell,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can also relate with that. Splitting is a primitive defense mechanism that protects against anxiety and stress.

A pwBPD will view loved ones with exaggerated negative qualities. The other side of the coin, the pwBPD will also view us with exaggerated positive qualities too.

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation

[unicorn2014]

Hi empty shell, I'm very sorry you went through that and welcome to the family!   

My BPD fiancé has definitely called me names when he's been dysregulated, like stupid little girl, abusive, self absorbed, self centered, the b word.

I am glad that you were able to distance yourself from that kind of mistreatment.

[klacey3]

Hi empty shell,

As others have said, it sounded awful the names you were called. Good for you for getting out.

My ex called me names alot too. He would also insult me in a clever way so that it wasn't actually him. Eg. "My family always thought you were a spoilt drip and they liked my ex alot more than you. I didn't listen to them though"

during the relationship he once said "My Mum asked me over dinner whether I liked you or my ex more. She said she thought I would end up with my ex"

"Everyone warned me you had issues"

He would also give the typical insults when I was too annoyed to talk to him and he wanted a reaction or if I wanted to talk to him about a subject he didnt like. Eg. Like If I wanted him to explain his actions or to travel to me instead of me going to him.

"You are just a stupid c***"

"Co** sucking little slut. All you care about is sex" being called a slut or an accusation of cheating was pretty much every week in the last 6 months.

"You are a compulsive liar"

"At least now we are broken up I dont have to look at your heffa pictures on facebook anymore"

"You're a sick sick psycho"

"You are spoilt and selfish"

"Game player" was used many times  

[EmptyShell]

Im glad your not in that relationship anymore ! wow

With my ex during our final days we started to use insults but nothing to that extend, i think that couples need to respect each other and when we reach that point its very difficult to go back.

Was it always like this during arguments or just at the end of your r/s ?

It got worse during the last year of our relationship, every month he would threaten to evict me from his house and the name calling happened every fight which was about every 3 days.

[EmptyShell]

My ex fiance BPD called me a lot of names over the years.  Here's a list of things he enjoyed calling me:

1)whore

2)hooker

3)prostitute

4)slut

5)lazy

6)slob

7)drunk

8)raging alcoholic

9)ass

10)b___

11) "you're not as pretty as you think you are."

12) "People tell me you look like a football player"

13) "look at your fat gut."

14) "you have a fat gut and fat ass."

15) "when you met me you had nothing and now you leave me with nothing you loser."

16) "who else in this world would ever want YOU?"

17) "you have no friends or family because you're an ass."

18) "no one in this world cares about you, except me."

19) "my business partner hates you."

20) "all you've done is use me youing piece of."

Hi EmptyShell,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can also relate with that. Splitting is a primitive defense mechanism that protects against anxiety and stress.

A pwBPD will view loved ones with exaggerated negative qualities. The other side of the coin, the pwBPD will also view us with exaggerated positive qualities too.

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation

You're right, I forgot about splitting.

[Lifewriter16]

It was the comments that I was 'cold and heartless' that hurt me the most... .because I knew it wasn't true.

Love

Lifewriter x

[EmptyShell]

Hi empty shell,

As others have said, it sounded awful the names you were called. Good for you for getting out.

My ex called me names alot too. He would also insult me in a clever way so that it wasn't actually him. Eg. "My family always thought you were a spoilt drip and they liked my ex alot more than you. I didn't listen to them though"

during the relationship he once said "My Mum asked me over dinner whether I liked you or my ex more. She said she thought I would end up with my ex"

"Everyone warned me you had issues"

He would also give the typical insults when I was too annoyed to talk to him and he wanted a reaction or if I wanted to talk to him about a subject he didnt like. Eg. Like If I wanted him to explain his actions or to travel to me instead of me going to him.

"You are just a stupid c***"

"Co** sucking little slut. All you care about is sex" being called a slut or an accusation of cheating was pretty much every week in the last 6 months.

"You are a compulsive liar"

"At least now we are broken up I dont have to look at your heffa pictures on facebook anymore"

"You're a sick sick psycho"

"You are spoilt and selfish"

"Game player" was used many times  

Ugh, he sounds like my ex.  That's horrible what he said about his family liking his ex more.  Mine would accuse me of cheating every few days, I couldn't even google an ex without a world war breaking out.

[EmptyShell]

It was the comments that I was 'cold and heartless' that hurt me the most... .because I knew it wasn't true.

Love

Lifewriter x

Oh, yeah, I was a cold hearted b***** too.

[Teereese]

Yes, my ustbxBPDh called me horrible names and put me down in the cruelest ways.

The worst for me was he began to do so loudly and publicly, he liked to split me black and let everyone know.

He rarely split me white publicly. He did that quietly, in private.

[scgator]

Hi empty shell,

As others have said, it sounded awful the names you were called. Good for you for getting out.

My ex called me names alot too. He would also insult me in a clever way so that it wasn't actually him. Eg. "My family always thought you were a spoilt drip and they liked my ex alot more than you. I didn't listen to them though"

during the relationship he once said "My Mum asked me over dinner whether I liked you or my ex more. She said she thought I would end up with my ex"

"Everyone warned me you had issues"

He would also give the typical insults when I was too annoyed to talk to him and he wanted a reaction or if I wanted to talk to him about a subject he didnt like. Eg. Like If I wanted him to explain his actions or to travel to me instead of me going to him.

"You are just a stupid c***"

"Co** sucking little slut. All you care about is sex" being called a slut or an accusation of cheating was pretty much every week in the last 6 months.

"You are a compulsive liar"

"At least now we are broken up I dont have to look at your heffa pictures on facebook anymore"

"You're a sick sick psycho"

"You are spoilt and selfish"

"Game player" was used many times  

Ugh, he sounds like my ex.  That's horrible what he said about his family liking his ex more.  Mine would accuse me of cheating every few days, I couldn't even google an ex without a world war breaking out.

Much of the same as above.

I would never deserve her.

She was a game to me.

She said all the nice things because I was a game to her.

She was an ego-boost.

I was a compulsive liar.

I never meant anything I said.

I tried to buy her.

Her exbf was better in bed.

I was stupid.

I was naive.

I was gay.

I'm a sociopathic narcissist.

I'm worse than her abusive ex-husband.

She was not my type.

I was too skinny. (After unexplained weight loss from anxiety and depression due to the rs)

She wasn't in to me sexually any more.

The sex was horrible.

I was a sex addict.

I was a hazmat spill she now needed to clean up.

Accusations of cheating.


The list goes on - I made one soon after leaving and it was over 50 things. Granted, you could change most of that around to positive statements that she said too, or make them negative about her instead of me. That's not counting the underhanded insults like the time she accused her friend of sleeping with me and told me about it and about how her friend thought her exbf was much better looking.

Now that I type that all out again, I sure am glad to be away from it.

[Beach_Babe]

Lets see... .

whore

Fast food queen

pig

lazy

stupid

b*tch

cheap

cruel

cold

narcissist

heartless

ugly

old

loser

[stacma04]

EmptyShell

I'm sorry you had to hear these awful words thrown at you. When I left my exbf he called me worthless, scumbag, loser, and I'm no better off now than when he found me.


... I know these were some very hurtful words thrown at you but, thats what they were meant to do to hurt you. Please dont let this dispicable person, effect how you feel about yourself or yourself worth...

[klacey3]

Hi empty shell,

As others have said, it sounded awful the names you were called. Good for you for getting out.

My ex called me names alot too. He would also insult me in a clever way so that it wasn't actually him. Eg. "My family always thought you were a spoilt drip and they liked my ex alot more than you. I didn't listen to them though"

during the relationship he once said "My Mum asked me over dinner whether I liked you or my ex more. She said she thought I would end up with my ex"

"Everyone warned me you had issues"

He would also give the typical insults when I was too annoyed to talk to him and he wanted a reaction or if I wanted to talk to him about a subject he didnt like. Eg. Like If I wanted him to explain his actions or to travel to me instead of me going to him.

"You are just a stupid c***"

"Co** sucking little slut. All you care about is sex" being called a slut or an accusation of cheating was pretty much every week in the last 6 months.

"You are a compulsive liar"

"At least now we are broken up I dont have to look at your heffa pictures on facebook anymore"

"You're a sick sick psycho"

"You are spoilt and selfish"

"Game player" was used many times  

Ugh, he sounds like my ex.  That's horrible what he said about his family liking his ex more.  Mine would accuse me of cheating every few days, I couldn't even google an ex without a world war breaking out.

Much of the same as above.

I would never deserve her.

She was a game to me.

She said all the nice things because I was a game to her.

She was an ego-boost.

I was a compulsive liar.

I never meant anything I said.

I tried to buy her.

Her exbf was better in bed.

I was stupid.

I was naive.

I was gay.

I'm a sociopathic narcissist.

I'm worse than her abusive ex-husband.

She was not my type.

I was too skinny. (After unexplained weight loss from anxiety and depression due to the rs)

She wasn't in to me sexually any more.

The sex was horrible.

I was a sex addict.

I was a hazmat spill she now needed to clean up.

Accusations of cheating.


The list goes on - I made one soon after leaving and it was over 50 things. Granted, you could change most of that around to positive statements that she said too, or make them negative about her instead of me. That's not counting the underhanded insults like the time she accused her friend of sleeping with me and told me about it and about how her friend thought her exbf was much better looking.

Now that I type that all out again, I sure am glad to be away from it.

As you said, very much the same story... isnt it annoying when they use other people to insult you. Its clever I must say because they know they cant be blamed for what 'other people say'. It must have hurt alot when your ex said her ex apparently said her ex was better looking than you. Same thing with my ex when he told me his Mum preferred his ex and asked him whether he likes me or her more. Then when I said its obvious people think he is still interested in his ex he would say I was disrespecting his family as  if I thought they thought that its like me saying his family were thick :-/

Anyway im sorry to hear about what you went through. I know how your comments feel. Our exs sound very similar.

[scgator]

As you said, very much the same story... isnt it annoying when they use other people to insult you. Its clever I must say because they know they cant be blamed for what 'other people say'. It must have hurt alot when your ex said her ex apparently said her ex was better looking than you. Same thing with my ex when he told me his Mum preferred his ex and asked him whether he likes me or her more. Then when I said its obvious people think he is still interested in his ex he would say I was disrespecting his family as  if I thought they thought that its like me saying his family were thick :-/

Anyway im sorry to hear about what you went through. I know how your comments feel. Our exs sound very similar.

I think the off-handed stuff was just another way for her to dump hurt on me without having to feeling guilty about it since, hey, she didn't say it. Maybe it was all just part of keeping me off-balance and feeling badly for myself. That way it wasn't just her saying these bad things, look it was her friends too, so it must be true. Thankfully I realized that I know who I am and what I have and haven't done and no one will change that.

Thank you and sorry you've had to deal with this as well. Our exes sound very similar and so I know just how hard it is when someone you love with all you've got does and says those things deliberately to hurt. Not saying I don't empathize with everyone else's situation too, but it seems as if Klacey's ex and mine were cast from the same mold.

[hollycat]

despicable lying thief

[cyclistIII]

My ex-husband called me selfish, disgusting (because of my sexual past, before I met him) and, finally, abusive.

Abusive was the worst one, but also the best, because that's when I decided to leave him. At that point I was basically insane myself and half-believed every word he said, but I figured if I was abusive, I better leave him for his own good, and if I wasn't, then I better leave for my own sake... .

[unicorn2014]

My ex-husband called me selfish, disgusting (because of my sexual past, before I met him) and, finally, abusive.

Abusive was the worst one, but also the best, because that's when I decided to leave him. At that point I was basically insane myself and half-believed every word he said, but I figured if I was abusive, I better leave him for his own good, and if I wasn't, then I better leave for my own sake... .

Hi cyclist, I'm visiting from the undecided board.

My fiancé called me abusive  two days ago right  before  I tried to put up a boundary by putting the r/s on hold.  I told him I needed him to stop calling me abusive, a bully, telling me I was putting things on him, if we were going to move forward with our r/s. I ended up failing to deal with his first extinction burst so I had to change my boundary.

I really appreciate hearing that your ex husband calling you abusive was the deal breaker for you. I know I am not being abusive  to my fiancé and I am still undecided but it helps to know that being called abusive has been a deal breaker for some people.

[cyclistIII]

unicorn2014 --

I'm so sorry you had to experience that -- it's devastating! Especially since most of us in BPD relationships are already giving so much of ourselves, and yeah, we lose our tempers sometimes, we're not perfect, but we give SO MUCH and bend over backwards to accommodate our partners' needs, and then to be called "abusive"... .seriously, even though it was 12 years ago, remembering it now makes me almost want to cry.

Best of luck to you!

[unicorn2014]

unicorn2014 --

I'm so sorry you had to experience that -- it's devastating! Especially since most of us in BPD relationships are already giving so much of ourselves, and yeah, we lose our tempers sometimes, we're not perfect, but we give SO MUCH and bend over backwards to accommodate our partners' needs, and then to be called "abusive"... .seriously, even though it was 12 years ago, remembering it now makes me almost want to cry.

Best of luck to you!

Hi cyclist, I am still in my r/s, my current home board is the undecided board.  I wouldn't say I bend over backwards to accommodate my partner's needs, and I wouldn't say I care if he thinks I'm being abusive. So I guess that's where I differ. However I won't allow him to call me abusive because I know I'm not, if that makes any sense at all. I'm sorry you had so much trouble in your BPD r/s!   I'm still trying to make mine work at the moment but I don't know how long I will last.