Working with exBPDgf

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been a week since I broke up with my exBPDgf. I have to see her every day as I work with her. I should be happy that she's giving me the silent treatment, but today I sort of fell guilty. I was chatting with a coworker as my exBPDgf was walking out the door. She stopped to exchange goodbyes with my coworker, and completely ignored me as if I wasn't even there. Again I should be grateful for this, instead I feel guilt. Like I'm the bad guy in all of this.

I then started to ruminate about what other people are going to think (i.e. why is this person not speaking to me) Nobody has asked me, and in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter, but it hurt none the less.

[Rayban]

It's been a week since I broke up with my exBPDgf. I have to see her every day as I work with her. I should be happy that she's giving me the silent treatment, but today I sort of fell guilty. I was chatting with a coworker as my exBPDgf was walking out the door. She stopped to exchange goodbyes with my coworker, and completely ignored me as if I wasn't even there. Again I should be grateful for this, instead I feel guilt. Like I'm the bad guy in all of this.

I then started to ruminate about what other people are going to think (i.e. why is this person not speaking to me) Nobody has asked me, and in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter, but it hurt none the less.

[Mutt]

Hi Rayban,

It would look like she's immature to some of the office workers if she's completely ignoring you.

Why do you feel guilt?

[Rayban]

Hi Rayban,

It would look like she's immature to some of the office workers if she's completely ignoring you.

Why do you feel guilt?

She didn't see the break up coming. I did it after work. In the parking lot. Told her this wasn't going to work and it was over. She tried to convince me otherwise (while still blaming me of course), but I wouldn't listen to her. Got in my car and left.

I feel guilty about the way I broke up with her. The silent treatment just invokes it, and at times it makes me feel bad. In the end I know that her silent treatment is a blessing in disguise.

[Mutt]

Rayban,

It sounds like you had enough with her flirting with both sexes, drama and her emotional abuse. She's blame shifting when you broke up with her.

Breaking up with someone isn't easy. Maybe it wasn't a choice setting in the parking lot. If you change the setting, timing etc... would she have a similar reaction? I bet that was hard to do Rayban, you stood up for yourself   Give yourself a break.

I would feel hurt with the silent treatment too because it feels invalidating. Its her way of coping with rejection.

[Rayban]

Thanks Mutt I appreciate it.

I've decided to be cordial (good morning, good night)if I come face to face with her regardless of what happened in the past, cause that's how I was raised. If she chooses not to respond then that's her problem. I'm not going to stoop to her level, and more importantly I'm not going to play games with her. In the meantime she's still idealizing a female coworker hard. I chuckled this morning when my ex offered to give up her seat to this lady in a meeting. She literally fawns over her. I also noticed that she has resumed taking her cigarette breaks with a lady that she has stopped talking to for a while. I'm guessing that's my replacement, and definitely another relationship that she has recycled.

[Mutt]

Rayban,

I agree with you. Take the high road.

See that's the thing, learn to become indifferent with her behaviors, you neither hate it or love it, depersonalize it, eventually you can have a laugh when she ignores you because she's being immature.

[Anez]

I work with my ex, too. She discarded me. The work thing is tricky. The past few months have been hard, having to see and hear her everyday. We don't see each other a lot but we bump into each other sometimes. I keep it cordial at work. Light and easy. I make sure whenever a good memory pops in I follow it up with a bad one. It's getting a little easier but it still stinks. She's always acted like the break was no big deal and we don't spend anytime together at work anymore.

It hurts. Just take the high road, be cordial, and be good to yourself.

[Confused?]

Hi Rayban,

It would look like she's immature to some of the office workers if she's completely ignoring you.

Why do you feel guilt?

She didn't see the break up coming. I did it after work. In the parking lot. Told her this wasn't going to work and it was over. She tried to convince me otherwise (while still blaming me of course), but I wouldn't listen to her. Got in my car and left.

I feel guilty about the way I broke up with her. The silent treatment just invokes it, and at times it makes me feel bad. In the end I know that her silent treatment is a blessing in disguise.

Breaking up with her in a parking lot is a lot better than the way they break up with us nons. You don't owe her anything. Come to think of it I'm not even entirely sure my ex ever broke up with me. She just distanced herself and found new guys.