Need advice

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. I like to see how everyone who has been in the same situation as I have been handled this situation.

My second older sister is a BPD (diagnosed). After I mother past my father was having a tough time so I moved in with him to help him out. BPD sib lives there too.

Now I am ready to move out and BPD sibling is doing the usual BPD thing and raging. My am worried about my dad, but he doesn't want to leave her. Fine that is his choice, but if I leave, I am struggling with how to have a relationship with dad while BPD sib does what she does, smear, rage etc.

I feel obligated to stay for my dad because he is getting older, but I am at my limits with BPD sib. Who doesn't want me there but wants me there to control me and to do her bidding.

So the question is have anyone here been able to have a relationship with an elder parent who is living with a BPD sib who doesn't like you?

Thanks

[sidra]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. I like to see how everyone who has been in the same situation as I have been handled this situation.

My second older sister is a BPD (diagnosed). After I mother past my father was having a tough time so I moved in with him to help him out. BPD sib lives there too.

Now I am ready to move out and BPD sibling is doing the usual BPD thing and raging. My am worried about my dad, but he doesn't want to leave her. Fine that is his choice, but if I leave, I am struggling with how to have a relationship with dad while BPD sib does what she does, smear, rage etc.

I feel obligated to stay for my dad because he is getting older, but I am at my limits with BPD sib. Who doesn't want me there but wants me there to control me and to do her bidding.

So the question is have anyone here been able to have a relationship with an elder parent who is living with a BPD sib who doesn't like you?

Thanks

[Mutt]

Hi sidra,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I would feel frustrate, distressed and worried too if I may face the potential of not speaking to a family member because of another family member that suffered from mental illness.  I'm sorry to hear about your dad's health. It sounds like you're split black, a pwBPD have difficulties seeing people as an integrated whole and see the world as either all good or all bad, good people have bad qualities and bad people have good qualities. Has she always seen you as "all bad"? What does your dad say? Does he take your sib's side? Is your sib diagnosed?

[Naughty Nibbler]

HI sidra:     
I'd like to join MUTT in welcoming you. I'm so sorry about the situation with your sister.  I have a uBPD sister myself.  My parent recently passed and I'm currently not in contact with her, except through her lawyer.  My sister has had her issues through the years, but she exhibited classical BPD symptoms, when our parent's health began to fail and we had to work together.  She painted me black.  I was the one who went to therapy to try to make sense of what was going on.

How old is your sister?  Does she have a job, or has she ever lived on her own?  Is she currently in therapy or taking meds that can help with BPD?

Life can be very miserable for the person painted black (if that might be you).  Is it possible that you can live somewhere close to your dad, but maintain a separate household.  You could perhaps help him as needed and then escape to a safe and sane environment.

Are you able to talk frankly with your dad about your sister's condition?  How old is your dad?

There is a lot of helpful information on this website.  If you look to the right of the page, you will see several links to lessons.

For starters, some reading on FOG and  BOUNDARIES  could be helpful.

There is a lot of information her, so don't get overwhelmed.   There are communication tools that can be helpful with people with BPD (pwBPD).  Boundaries are for your safety and benefit and are something that will likely be important.

Have you read any books about BPD?