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[Herdaughter]

Hi, my mother has BPD and is untreated.  I'm her eldest daughter and have chosen not to go home for the holidays for the first time this year due to the fear and pain each visit brings.  Tonight she texted all of us for the first time since our ultimatum to get help or lose relationship with us and I am sitting here with horrible guilt and sadness because none of us are responding.  It's a very confusing time.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome HerDaughter:

I'm sorry about your situation with your mom.  It can be a challenge to set boundaries, and Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) is common.  Your mom can make a choice to get treatment.  If she fails to do that, then she is responsible for a very quiet Christmas - not you.  Sometimes, the road to sanity is to stay firm with a boundary.


The links below can be helpful: (Click on the green words)
FOG
BOUNDARIES

Are you able to share some details about our mom's behaviors?  Does she have an issue with depression and/or anxiety, along with BPD?

There are several links to more helpful information, to the upper right of this post.  Have you read any books on BPD?

[Janneke]

Hi HerDaughter 
I'm new too; I found this place yesterday.
It sounds like you did something healthy for yourself. Of course you're sad - it is really hard!
Are your other siblings good support for you?
J

[Mutt]

Hi Herdaughter,



I'd like to join the others and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that   A pwBPD have all or nothing thinking and their feelings cycle rapidly. Did anyone respond? Did you hear back from your mom?  You're not alone.