Struggling to feel good about myself

[Grace311]

Ok.  I grew up with a Borderline single parent so I'm well aware of a lot of the pain that I endured growing up.  But now, I'm finally accepting the reality that my husband is also borderline.  We've been together for 7 years and married for 7 months.  I knew of his issues before we got married but I had hoped he'd get better after we were married.  I also realized that if he didn't improve, I was still going to stay and love this man till the end.  He's my guy and I know that he loves me and he can't seem to help it when he gets so emotionally abusive.

So, I'm looking for coping skills.  After a big explosive attack, I'm left feeling zero self confidence and very little will to even get out of bed.  I feel like THE worst person on planet earth  and it becomes EXTREMELY hard just to function.  I tend to avoid contact with any friends because I don't want to explain to anyone why I look and feel like garbage.  Because I have been taking these types of "emotional beatings" for my entire life (first with my mom and still with my mom too), I seem to lack the strength to recover from the lashings as quickly as I use to.  I need some help so that I can still function and not lose days and days crying.  Any advice that you have for me would be greatly appreciated.  I'm looking for ways to cope with these situations so that I'm not left so deeply hurt and useless.

This is my first post and I haven't even read anyone's posts yet, so if this is inappropriate, please delete it.

Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Grace,

Welcome to the boards ,

I"m sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. It makes sense that after a life with a BPD parent that you would choose someone with BPD. It probably just fit naturally.

It sounds like you are struggling with taking care of your own needs. What would you say your biggest needs (for yourself, not for the relationship or for your pwBPD) is? What can you do to make small steps towards those needs? Have you considered counseling for yourself to help you work through the low self worth and depression?

We have a lot of great workshops available to help you begin navigating through your relationship with your pwBPD. To get you started, here is a link to one of our workshops on what it means to take care of yourself:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0