Finally getting closer to letting go

[RollerMom75]

I know all of us on here feel or have felt so much pain due to our involvement with a pwBPD. I have been hanging on for so long to my husband, and I finally am close to the point of feeling free. He was diagnosed several years ago but never really engaged in therapy until we were married. Looking back, I was certainly not perfect- my expectations were too high, I wasn’t great at giving him space when he was dysregulated, at times I got too involved with his emotions. Here is a list of things that happened towards the end of our relationship: I busted him cheating on me with several women. Eventually he admitted it but said it was my fault because I didn’t make him feel secure. He repeatedly told me he couldn’t trust me, he lied and lied and lied again to me. He always had to talk himself up because his self esteem was so low. Eventually he became suicidal and ended up in hospital twice. He expressed homicidal plans to a crisis team to kill me, my son, his son and his ex wife. He owned several guns and the hospital staff made me promise to get rid of the guns and forbade us from having guns in our home. Law enforcement and DCFS got involved and I moved the guns to a seceet location. He had a very unstable work history- kept quitting jobs without telling me and I would support him financially for months at a time... .in the end he was in an intensive DBT program for a month but it was too much for him. I came home from work a month ago and he had moved out unannounced- ransacked my house, stole from me. He didn’t even say goodbye to his own son. Now he’s contacting me because he wants his guns back. When I asked for my items he stole from me in return, he swore at me and told me to never contact him again... .as much as I loved this man and am devastated that our family is torn apart, I now realize how very sick he is and how even when a pwBPD does admit there’s a problem, and does engage in therapy, it can be an incredibly difficult journey for them. I don’t think the families and loved ones get enough empathy for what we go through either. This is the second family my husband abandoned. He has left a trail of heartbreak and pain. I absolutely hope he learns to break this pattern- I don’t think he can be a husband nor a father. This has been the most painful thing I’ve gone through because I loved him and I loved our family but for every step forward there were 10 steps back. I’m hoping I have the strength to let go this time.

[Mutt]

Hi RollerMom75,



Im sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. Your dBPDh’s self destructive behaviours are sad to hear, maybe he hasn’t hit rock bottom yet and only then he’ll stay committed to helping himself. We don’t know what’s store for the future, focus on the here and now and what you need, pwBPD are resilient.

Are you getting enough sleep and enough to eat? What’s your support network like? Do you have family and friend that you can turn to fir emotional support? Are you swing a T?