My husband found Jesus, again, going through a manic phase

[snowglobe]

@formflier,
Because this episode originated from out of seemingly nowhere, he just stopped looking at me, poking me with small insults and hurtful comments, and eventually bringing me full force into dysregulating and puzzling world of BPD and npd im inclined to say “both bleeding out”. While his “bandages” and “coping tools” certainly are healthier then mine (I own up to it) he is still mad, bruding and miserable even to the naked eye. I’m clearly not at all quipped to provide emotional stability and create a safe harbour for him to get back to the baseline. The t is correct on one thing- like two addicts we feed of each other’s pain, allowing ourselves justification of pointing the finger for cause at the other direction. How I wish both of us could get help

[formflier]

  and eventually bringing me full force into dysregulating and puzzling world of BPD and npd im inclined to say “both bleeding out”. 

Did he "bring you in" or "did you hop in"? 

One view seems to show you having no choices... .the other view leaves you 100% in control.

What if you stopped "hopping" into that world?

FF

[snowglobe]

Did he "bring you in" or "did you hop in"? 

One view seems to show you having no choices... .the other view leaves you 100% in control.

What if you stopped "hopping" into that world?

FF

I accept the responsibility for “hopping on board”, and praise myself for maintaining my normalcy in the past. His dysregulating comes monthly, it seems from my posts, and the last one on vacation was rather a short one. I was hurt and annoyed that it happened when we “were supposed to be happy”, but held on long enough to bring him to shore.
The important issue at hand now
1. How do I hop off?
2. Should I accompany him on this trip? He is leaving this weekend at least for a week
3. It’s my bday in the upcoming week, he always dysregulating on my bdays. I need to make a solid plan on keeping busy that day somewhat errorless teaching, not to expect anything good and not give him a chance to ruin my plans

[formflier]

1. How do I hop off?
2. Should I accompany him on this trip? He is leaving this weekend at least for a week
3. It’s my bday in the upcoming week, he always dysregulating on my bdays. I need to make a solid plan on keeping busy that day somewhat errorless teaching, not to expect anything good and not give him a chance to ruin my plans

I tend to think you would not go... .however... .I would suggest this be a topic with your T today.

She would have much better advice after talking with you in person... than I could over the internet.


FF

[babyducks]

I’m clearly not at all quipped to provide emotional stability and create a safe harbour for him to get back to the baseline.

Being the emotional leader doesn't mean steering his ship or getting him in or out of safe harbors.

It means modeling,  displaying healthy mature behaving of our own.

See the difference?

[snowglobe]

Being the emotional leader doesn't mean steering his ship or getting him in or out of safe harbors.

It means modeling,  displaying healthy mature behaving of our own.

See the difference?

Absolutely, from enabler to radical acceptance and self control

[formflier]

Absolutely, from enabler to radical acceptance and self control

Yes... .interim step is RA and self control.

Look at Babyducks post again.  Emotional leader

That should be your "destination"... .it will take several steps to get there.

Why do you have to be the leader?

Generally... .pwBPD are "empty" inside and "mirror" other people.  He likely is "following" you into chaos... .or "using" what he sees as your chaos as a "reason" it's ok for him to be in chaos.

Once you are healthy... he will follow.  We can't predict exactly how far he will follow... .but it will be positive.

FF