any positive comeback stories?

[gilac]

just curious, did anyone experience a positive outcome after the reunion with their BPD ex? this question goes to both BPD and non BPD

as far as I dug on this forum and elsewhere on the net, so far I didn't find any comeback story that actually worked, it all seem to ends for the same reasons again (and again, and again... )

[BrokenFamily]

It's been my experience that BPD's will always keep you and all their other ex's on the back burner. Even if it's just in their head, they want to know they have the ability or option to pull you back in whenever they choose. A reunion will at first seem positive but in the end all the same issues will be back and ever worse.

[Harley Quinn]

Are you holding out hope that a recycle could lead to long term happiness for you both gilac?  :)o you wish to have a shot at making things work?  If so, I'd advise you to post on the Bettering board, where you can learn tools and lessons to help you.

There are Success Stories there and you will find that the common theme is commitment to treatment and a lot of acceptance and hard work on the part of the non partner.  Life with a pwBPD will never be 'normal' or by any means easy for either partner, however sufferers can recover in some cases with a great deal of motivation and willingness to put in the work to learn and adopt new coping skills.  This can sometimes take many years to achieve.

Love and light x

[lighthouse9]

Gilac,

I want to echo Harley Quinn about the Success Stories board. When I was still on the bettering board and thought I had a chance, I studied that board and re-read those stories to give me hope.

As HQ says though, one of the common themes is that the pwBPD commits to treatment. People with BPD can absolutely live lives worth living and they can absolutely have fulfilling relationships. Their partners have to learn a lot, too, and the bettering board gives some great insight on what that learning process looks like. I started counseling for myself with a DBT counselor in the early days of my breakup, under the impression that my STBXwife was doing the same. When I found out she was lying, it wasn't like my DBT counseling was for "nothing." I was doing my part, and my part was making me a better human in general.

With that, I'd say that if you're going to hold out hope, then definitely invest in the tools you need to be in a relationship with someone w/BPD. These tools won't fail you elsewhere and will make you a better communicator in general. But, do this work for you. Even if your ex gets into treatment, there's no guarantee that they stay in, or that they're truly ready to make a change. Ultimately, it was my counseling that helped me keep my expectations of my STBXw realistic, since my therapist was in charge of the DBT group for folks w/BPD. Her experiences helped me get into my ex's head a bit while also learning how to de-escalate conflict and keep my own head about me. Ultimately, working with her was a big part of what helped me to be able to say "she's doing the best she can, but it's not enough for me right now."

Looking forward to hearing more about you and your situation either here or on the bettering board - we're ready to support either way.

-L