Better deal

[juju2]

Wow.   What i am realizing, is my s.o. got a better "deal".

All the things i went thru in ten years, mainly, the most distressing, was the interest shown to other women.  I know of three women, and how far it went, idk.   Does it really matter.

To borrow a quote, "what difference does it make"
My part in all of this, the ten years, is living in an alternate universe, where up is down, water isnt wet, what he wants, he gets.

Is he happy.?  That is all that matters.

All of this, is on me.   I take full responsibility for burying my head in the sand.  I gave way more than i got.   I knew it was not good, not healthy, and yet, went on for 10! YEARS.
This stuff started within 6 months.  I refused to see the reality of what was happening.  

Thank you all for your patience.   Am trying to be kind to myself, because i love(present tense) this troubled man.   Am trying to go through with acceptance, love for myself.

Appreciate your support.  j

[Turkish]

Giving grace to ourselves,  which is apart from blaming, is what I have seen is one of the most significant struggles members have dealt with,  including myself. 

[juju2]

So true T.

Am just waving the white flag.  Idk what else to do.
What is concerning, is this could have gone on longer.   Something inside of me put on the brakes.

Am just getting in touch w that part of me that was beyond.   Beyond reason.   Beyond reality.
Beyond listening to loved ones' concerns.

And at the same time, its ok!  I can and will make mistakes.   Its a conundrum mixed up in a mystery.

Its not easy.   Us here, we gave our all, for an unknown.   None of our stories is lost on me.

Those here, the site, are the healers, believers, of this present time.   Each of us has made a difference, and been crucified.   It takes a special spirit to realize that and move forward with compassion and grace.   The people i have met here, are wonderful.  In spite of all their disappointments, challenges, continue to be positive.    Each one of you encourages me.!

j

[CryWolf]

dont look at it as giving up Juju. You did all you could do. you dealt with more than you deserved to deal with.

its time to put yourself first, do you agree?

are you still using your house as a storage for his belongings? is it time to let these go?

[juju2]

Thank you Cry.

My son in law is going to help w getting everything moved.  I sent an email letting my s.o.  know what was going to happen.
As a result of this, he sent me an email, he "isnt over me."

He also asked if he could call tomorrow.

So i said sure.  My plans have not changed, we are getting everything out.

It will be interesting to see what he wants to talk about.  We havent seen eachother since he was in the hospital for extreme dehydration, kidney failure;  i just am at the place where i surrender.
White flag.

Its opening up something, some possibility, and i am positive.  My future is open!

Thank you to everyone here, my support.
j

[Mutt]

Hi juju2,

You’re right ten years is a long history it lasts a life time for some people and you got out. You now have a second chance.

[juju2]

Thank you Mutt.

He really was giving crumbs, idk for what.
Guess the final chapter of getting his stuff out, maybe caused him to toss crumbs, he wants to call.  Etc.  well.  i emailed him tonite, no need to talk, we have nothing to talk about.

I am holding the bag!

It was disrespectful to me to let this storage thing go on for so long.  He has zero responsibility.
Zero.  He would always talk a really good talk.
I see now that he created all the chaos in his life... .
He used to tell me what his exes did to mess him up, how he couldnt go back to school, etc because of one of his exes' car needing to get fixed... .

Excuses that dont add up.  oh well.   In the end, i just need to forgive myself.