I can see that you are upset with me and while I understand why you are upset, the way we have been going on is ineffective
However
However
However
That is not what I want.
a person on the receiving end of this letter will hear little more than "what you are feeling/thinking/doing is wrong, here is what im feeling/thinking/doing and why its right". its JADEy, and it is defensive.
It started when she thought I was not paying enough attention to her and escalated when I tired to explain my side.
you dont need SET for this. if there is a good reason, it is worth explaining, but not more than once. if shes feeling you havent paid attention, that isnt something shes right or wrong about; its just how she feels. you dont need to defend yourself against how she feels.
just listen. ask validating questions (
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273415.0). in essence, give her attention in that moment. maybe top it off with a gesture...take her out for a good time, that sort of thing.
make sense?