List of Sympthoms / Issues of my exBPD/NPDgf: Do you relate?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everybody,

Today i was not feeling very good. My r/s ended 6 weeks ago, and i am improving, but in the last couple of days, without any trigger, i'm feeling awful, like in the first days.

I already wrote a list of bad moments me and her had, so today i decided to write a list of her sympthoms / issues, in a very informal way.

She meets every criteria not only of BPD, but also of NPD, according to DSM.

So the list is this:

1- Extreme manipulation;
2- Extreme lies;
3- Multiple Cheating;
4- Promiscuity (huge amount of sexual partners along her life and within the timeframe of our r/s, including women);
5- Paranoid Jealous (mobile phone and Social Network control, activity control, acusing me of looking to other women, imagine cheatings without any real bases, etc.);
6- Constant and relentless control (monitoring) of my activities;
7- Constant contact. Very suspicious if not.
8- Intense need of constant attention;
9- Permanent need of help in her actitivies (i let my own activities to second plan, to do hers);
10- Unable to feel remorse or empathy;
11- Uncapable of understand / recognize my feelings / needs;
12- R/s unbalance: Only wants to receive, not give. Only some few times in order to maintain r/s;
13- Everything is about her: her problems, her work, her questions and doubts, and worries. She speaks most of the time. Low receptivity to listen and speak about my life/questions/work. Low interest in my activities, unless to control;
14- Sexual problems (exception: HoneyMoon Period). Very infrequent sex. Very tenuous and efemeral. Lot's of sexual promises (not realized). Lots of boasting. Guilting me for that (exception: when drunk);
15- Uncapable of assuming responsability for her actions (only apologizes if that brings her advantages. (eg. when afraid of loosing me);
16- Blaming me for everything, including the fallout of the r/s;
17- Paranoia / distortion of reality (eg. saying that i said / did something that never happened);
18- Uncapable of maitain life projects / houses / cities of residence / works / relationships long term;
19- Intense and unjustified anger bursts;
20- Drugs and other adictions;
21- Personal, financial, emotional, health constant dramas (in wich i felt i had to help / rescue her);
22- Very frequent projections;
23- Envy others, and complain that others envy her;
24- Extreme idealization in the begining / extreme subsequente devaluation;
25- Extreme fear of intimacy;
26- Extreme fear of abandon;
27- Feels offended / attacked with minimal and unjustified issues. To protect herself, rages or revenges (cheating or otherwise), or playing the victim;
28- Professional victim;
29- Smearing campaigns to justify cheating, new lightspeed r/s, to gather others attention/sympathy, to get revenge or so that others think i was to blame for everything since i am so rotten;
30- Constantly sabotages herself, her life and her relationships (with friends or boyfriends);
31- Uncapable of being alone;
32- Emotional out of control (emotions too intense and unreasonable / disproportionate);
33- Constant need to change (including in her looks - hair style/color, nails, etc.)
34- Need to maintain false self (hipersensitive);
35- Completely self-absorb (despite calling me selfish);
36- Capture sympathy / help from others, sometimes uniting several people around her;
37- Going to another r/s without grieve/morning and cutting-off emotionally imediatelly from her previous partner, even if it was long-term r/s;
38- Line up next partner, when still with previous. Then discards previous without justification, closure, warning, etc.
39- As much I dedicated myself to her, offered myself to her, gave everything i had, it was/is never enough, and the culmination of the relationship is always the same: I am not good, abusive, flawded, insufficient, etc. etc. etc.
40- Humiliation, criticism, comparisons with other ex-boyfriends or other men, judgments, verbal aggression and offenses, threats, blackmail, etc.;
41- robbery (she stole money from me);
42- Cuts herself;
43- Suicide attempts.

Can you relate to all of this? I think they are all common items.

I think the list may be updated.

[Pytagoras]

Hello everybody,

Today i was not feeling very good. My r/s ended 6 weeks ago, and i am improving, but in the last couple of days, without any trigger, i'm feeling awful, like in the first days.

I already wrote a list of bad moments me and her had, so today i decided to write a list of her sympthoms / issues, in a very informal way.

She meets every criteria not only of BPD, but also of NPD, according to DSM.

So the list is this:

1- Extreme manipulation;
2- Extreme lies;
3- Multiple Cheating;
4- Promiscuity (huge amount of sexual partners along her life and within the timeframe of our r/s, including women);
5- Paranoid Jealous (mobile phone and Social Network control, activity control, acusing me of looking to other women, imagine cheatings without any real bases, etc.);
6- Constant and relentless control (monitoring) of my activities;
7- Constant contact. Very suspicious if not.
8- Intense need of constant attention;
9- Permanent need of help in her actitivies (i let my own activities to second plan, to do hers);
10- Unable to feel remorse or empathy;
11- Uncapable of understand / recognize my feelings / needs;
12- R/s unbalance: Only wants to receive, not give. Only some few times in order to maintain r/s;
13- Everything is about her: her problems, her work, her questions and doubts, and worries. She speaks most of the time. Low receptivity to listen and speak about my life/questions/work. Low interest in my activities, unless to control;
14- Sexual problems (exception: HoneyMoon Period). Very infrequent sex. Very tenuous and efemeral. Lot's of sexual promises (not realized). Lots of boasting. Guilting me for that (exception: when drunk);
15- Uncapable of assuming responsability for her actions (only apologizes if that brings her advantages. (eg. when afraid of loosing me);
16- Blaming me for everything, including the fallout of the r/s;
17- Paranoia / distortion of reality (eg. saying that i said / did something that never happened);
18- Uncapable of maitain life projects / houses / cities of residence / works / relationships long term;
19- Intense and unjustified anger bursts;
20- Drugs and other adictions;
21- Personal, financial, emotional, health constant dramas (in wich i felt i had to help / rescue her);
22- Very frequent projections;
23- Envy others, and complain that others envy her;
24- Extreme idealization in the begining / extreme subsequente devaluation;
25- Extreme fear of intimacy;
26- Extreme fear of abandon;
27- Feels offended / attacked with minimal and unjustified issues. To protect herself, rages or revenges (cheating or otherwise), or playing the victim;
28- Professional victim;
29- Smearing campaigns to justify cheating, new lightspeed r/s, to gather others attention/sympathy, to get revenge or so that others think i was to blame for everything since i am so rotten;
30- Constantly sabotages herself, her life and her relationships (with friends or boyfriends);
31- Uncapable of being alone;
32- Emotional out of control (emotions too intense and unreasonable / disproportionate);
33- Constant need to change (including in her looks - hair style/color, nails, etc.)
34- Need to maintain false self (hipersensitive);
35- Completely self-absorb (despite calling me selfish);
36- Capture sympathy / help from others, sometimes uniting several people around her;
37- Going to another r/s without grieve/morning and cutting-off emotionally imediatelly from her previous partner, even if it was long-term r/s;
38- Line up next partner, when still with previous. Then discards previous without justification, closure, warning, etc.
39- As much I dedicated myself to her, offered myself to her, gave everything i had, it was/is never enough, and the culmination of the relationship is always the same: I am not good, abusive, flawded, insufficient, etc. etc. etc.
40- Humiliation, criticism, comparisons with other ex-boyfriends or other men, judgments, verbal aggression and offenses, threats, blackmail, etc.;
41- robbery (she stole money from me);
42- Cuts herself;
43- Suicide attempts.

Can you relate to all of this? I think they are all common items.

I think the list may be updated.

[BrokenSpokane]

Wow, I can relate to everything you wrote, except the last two. My exBPD didn't cut herself. And suicide... Wait, when I wanted to break off the relationship for the third time, she tried to convince me she has colon cancer and that she wanted to ship her son off to live with his Dad and she wanted to die. So, I guess that's a form of suicide talk. Also, a huge manipulation move. She doesn't have colon cancer, of course.

[Pytagoras]

Hello brokenSpokane,

Mine did had a suicide attempt once when i broke up with her. But it was to call atention. She called me when she was at the hospital.

[Breezey]

Hello, my ex did most of these things also. Exceptions (as far as I know) were the cheating.

Sorry you had to go through all that (and me!), and I hope the rest of the day is better.

[Pytagoras]

Hello Breezey,

Thks for the response and sorry we have been trough all of this too (i've just read your post).

Hello, my ex did most of these things also. Exceptions (as far as I know) were the cheating.

I didn't knew about the cheating until the end, when she was already dating her actual bf and I went to talk with a friend we had in common and he told me about several cheating episodes (with several guys), that i didn't knew nothing about. She was very clever hiding it from me, and i believe that when someone is so jealous as she was, it's projecting something in us (they are the ones doing it).

And probably, there were several other episodes that this friend didn't knew, but looking back and given the evidences, i suspect.

My exBPD-NPDgf was always like this. When she has a bf, she needs several others to feel better.

Also, i would like to invite you to read another post of mine:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=340238.0

I read in your topic that you had plenty of sex in the begining and then very infrequent sex later. The same happened to me and i address this issue here.

[Arthas124]

Hello everybody,

Today i was not feeling very good. My r/s ended 6 weeks ago, and i am improving, but in the last couple of days, without any trigger, i'm feeling awful, like in the first days.

I already wrote a list of bad moments me and her had, so today i decided to write a list of her sympthoms / issues, in a very informal way.

She meets every criteria not only of BPD, but also of NPD, according to DSM.

So the list is this:

1- Extreme manipulation;
2- Extreme lies;
3- Multiple Cheating;
4- Promiscuity (huge amount of sexual partners along her life and within the timeframe of our r/s, including women);
5- Paranoid Jealous (mobile phone and Social Network control, activity control, acusing me of looking to other women, imagine cheatings without any real bases, etc.);
6- Constant and relentless control (monitoring) of my activities;
7- Constant contact. Very suspicious if not.
8- Intense need of constant attention;
9- Permanent need of help in her actitivies (i let my own activities to second plan, to do hers);
10- Unable to feel remorse or empathy;
11- Uncapable of understand / recognize my feelings / needs;
12- R/s unbalance: Only wants to receive, not give. Only some few times in order to maintain r/s;
13- Everything is about her: her problems, her work, her questions and doubts, and worries. She speaks most of the time. Low receptivity to listen and speak about my life/questions/work. Low interest in my activities, unless to control;
14- Sexual problems (exception: HoneyMoon Period). Very infrequent sex. Very tenuous and efemeral. Lot's of sexual promises (not realized). Lots of boasting. Guilting me for that (exception: when drunk);
15- Uncapable of assuming responsability for her actions (only apologizes if that brings her advantages. (eg. when afraid of loosing me);
16- Blaming me for everything, including the fallout of the r/s;
17- Paranoia / distortion of reality (eg. saying that i said / did something that never happened);
18- Uncapable of maitain life projects / houses / cities of residence / works / relationships long term;
19- Intense and unjustified anger bursts;
20- Drugs and other adictions;
21- Personal, financial, emotional, health constant dramas (in wich i felt i had to help / rescue her);
22- Very frequent projections;
23- Envy others, and complain that others envy her;
24- Extreme idealization in the begining / extreme subsequente devaluation;
25- Extreme fear of intimacy;
26- Extreme fear of abandon;
27- Feels offended / attacked with minimal and unjustified issues. To protect herself, rages or revenges (cheating or otherwise), or playing the victim;
28- Professional victim;
29- Smearing campaigns to justify cheating, new lightspeed r/s, to gather others attention/sympathy, to get revenge or so that others think i was to blame for everything since i am so rotten;
30- Constantly sabotages herself, her life and her relationships (with friends or boyfriends);
31- Uncapable of being alone;
32- Emotional out of control (emotions too intense and unreasonable / disproportionate);
33- Constant need to change (including in her looks - hair style/color, nails, etc.)
34- Need to maintain false self (hipersensitive);
35- Completely self-absorb (despite calling me selfish);
36- Capture sympathy / help from others, sometimes uniting several people around her;
37- Going to another r/s without grieve/morning and cutting-off emotionally imediatelly from her previous partner, even if it was long-term r/s;
38- Line up next partner, when still with previous. Then discards previous without justification, closure, warning, etc.
39- As much I dedicated myself to her, offered myself to her, gave everything i had, it was/is never enough, and the culmination of the relationship is always the same: I am not good, abusive, flawded, insufficient, etc. etc. etc.
40- Humiliation, criticism, comparisons with other ex-boyfriends or other men, judgments, verbal aggression and offenses, threats, blackmail, etc.;
41- robbery (she stole money from me);
42- Cuts herself;
43- Suicide attempts.

Can you relate to all of this? I think they are all common items.

I think the list may be updated.

Hello there, I can relate nearly to all of your points. However, I'm going to add something from myself (the rest is nearly identical):

5 and 6 (but not fully, she was jealous, but didn't want to have control over my social media accounts or messages or at least I didn't know about that, there were questions, but not lots of, maybe because she made me almost socially dead, I couldn't meet my friends, even go to the gym when I was at the biggest level of being manipulated and blinded by her)

12 (as she sometimes wanted to buy and give me things, but it was only to make herself feel better - not me)

14 (she was, she still is a sexual addict, there were times where she didn't want to have sex, times when she was at her moment of comparing me with her ex or in need of someone else, our sex was great - with or without alcohol, this is one of the reasons why I'm having problems with fully detaching from her, great sex was one of her tricks to manipulate me and keep me for as long as she wanted me beside her)

15 (she tried to lie even more and go even further the day I was finally breaking up with her, confronting with facts etc., I didn't hear an apology during our confrontation of after it, she kept on telling how much she loves me - the same day she was flirting with her ex and making 'sexual' plans with him for the upcoming days. She did apologise me earlier, when I confronted her with facts and told her that I'm going to end it, that time she didn't have a backup plan in form of her ex, which is why she kept on apologising and making false promises)

19 (there weren't much of anger bursts, however she had some other extreme emotional changes - from having fun and being happy to crying, my ex was also bipolar)

20 (she was addicted to drugs, but she didn't do drugs when we were together - but earlier and now, she's constantly drugged when going out from what I know, and alcohol and she was acting differently when being drunk, not like normal people do. For example, alcohol was unblocking something in her like making her feel brave enough to leave me alone when we were in a pub and go to the other side of the table to our mutual friend, trying to flirt with him when I wasn't there and sitting with him for the rest of the evening, when confronted she had crying outbursts and we left that place back then)

35 (during her moments of idealization she wasn't like that, but when she started having her projections, feeling need of her ex and some other guys, she started being self-absorbed and focused on her needs, comparisons and else)

38 (I broke up with her and I'm proud of it, she made me open my eyes wide and think reasonable finally. However, she had at least 2 backup plans with her ex and another guy, she was prepared. I warned and gave her a chance 3 times, with 4th and possibly biggest bunch of her lies like trying to cover up that she was cheating on me I finally ended it)

41 (didn't take place in my case, she was however addicted to spending money, she was taking loans etc.)


The rest is identical just as I said earlier. Her hate campaings against me, trying to manipulate facts and people around her and around me (mutual friends), smearing and telling lies about me. Staying with people fully supporting her (99% not knowing me or being her ex's, family etc) and leaving those who would dare to try and contact me to know my side of the story or just telling her straight away that she's lying. Having lots of sexual friends after breakup, doing her best to let me know what she's doing and how good she feels with it. Still manipulating and playing with her ex (earlier, being a monster and the worst one, now he's her close friend and hero with whom she kept comparing me during our r/s). I'm so glad I did take lots of photos and screenshots, in case of a BPD/NPD it's very imporant. I managed to 'win back' some people or just show the truth to others, who abandoned her afterwards. It all led her to change her 'support groups' into Tinder guys, run to her female best friends and some guys she's playing with like her ex.

[Pytagoras]

Hello Arthas124,

Thks for your response.

Im sorry for what you have endured. It's seems like it was a lot too... How long was the r/s ?

5 and 6 (but not fully, she was jealous, but didn't want to have control over my social media accounts or messages or at least I didn't know about that, there were questions, but not lots of, maybe because she made me almost socially dead, I couldn't meet my friends, even go to the gym when I was at the biggest level of being manipulated and blinded by her)

I quited all the social networks. Deleted my accounts, etc. but she remained suspicious with my phone, with possible fake accounts, with me allegedly looking at other women, etc.

14 (she was, she still is a sexual addict, there were times where she didn't want to have sex, times when she was at her moment of comparing me with her ex or in need of someone else, our sex was great - with or without alcohol, this is one of the reasons why I'm having problems with fully detaching from her, great sex was one of her tricks to manipulate me and keep me for as long as she wanted me beside her)

It´s hard when the sex is good (it happened to me with a previous BPDgf),  but it's also hard when it isn't, because you go trough some months of feeling awful about yourself, mainly because she manipulated you into thinking that the other guys were better, and the sex was better, and she had more desire with the others, makes you feel rejected and undesirable, etc.

[Teddy007]

This hits like 95% of my bpd ex as well. The one thing that i also have really big problems with is that the sex was so good. It´s been 10 weeks since last discard right now. She charmd me back about 10 days ago. We talket for 5 hours and she wanted to come back to me. She was gonna leave the new supply and come back. She told me she was going to break of with him the same day.

But she also told me how much sex they were having and that she comes everytime with him. Like she also did with me in the beginning.

So we both went to work, she didn´t text much and then in the evening she texted me that it was all a mistake that she is going to be with the new guy. 

she killed me emotional right then 'there. I felt so much shame, how needy i was and how weak í´ve become. All my self respect was gone i was nothing.  Doormat, pathetic...

Now 10 days later still really feeling like PLEASE READ but full no contact now. And it feels alittle bit better today. These people are so evil.

The worst hell i´ve ever been through in my life.  Truly feel for all of you guys. These people are so dangerous!

[BrokenSpokane]

This hits like 95% of my bpd ex as well. The one thing that i also have really big problems with is that the sex was so good. It´s been 10 weeks since last discard right now. She charmd me back about 10 days ago. We talket for 5 hours and she wanted to come back to me. She was gonna leave the new supply and come back. She told me she was going to break of with him the same day.

But she also told me how much sex they were having and that she comes everytime with him. Like she also did with me in the beginning.

So we both went to work, she didn´t text much and then in the evening she texted me that it was all a mistake that she is going to be with the new guy. 

she killed me emotional right then 'there. I felt so much shame, how needy i was and how weak í´ve become. All my self respect was gone i was nothing.  Doormat, pathetic...

Now 10 days later still really feeling like PLEASE READ but full no contact now. And it feels alittle bit better today. These people are so evil.

The worst hell i´ve ever been through in my life.  Truly feel for all of you guys. These people are so dangerous!

I'm so sorry. That is pure evil, manipulative and disgusting. Remember, that's how they rope is guys in... Lots of great sex. But, if it's any consolation, she's going to ruin someone else's life. You get a chance at a healthy, strong, caring, loving, two-way relationship. My experience anyway was me putting in all the effort and love for the both of us. Not again. A good partner gives too.

[Arthas124]

I'm so sorry. That is pure evil, manipulative and disgusting. Remember, that's how they rope is guys in... Lots of great sex. But, if it's any consolation, she's going to ruin someone else's life. You get a chance at a healthy, strong, caring, loving, two-way relationship. My experience anyway was me putting in all the effort and love for the both of us. Not again. A good partner gives too.

I totally agree with you. I was one of those 'roped' guys with great sex (if not the best in my life so far). We were doing it almost until the day I broke up with her - excluding moments when she had her period or started cheating (emotionally/mentally and physically) on me and this is (if not the biggest) problem with fully detaching, clearing my mind and forgetting about her.

[Pytagoras]

But she also told me how much sex they were having and that she comes everytime with him. Like she also did with me in the beginning.

So we both went to work, she didn´t text much and then in the evening she texted me that it was all a mistake that she is going to be with the new guy.

ouucchh...

Really awful! I'm  sorry.

Like she also did with me in the beginning.

So, something changed in your sexual life. It was not quite as in the begining.

[Teddy007]

well the sex was something out of a porn flick, like she begged me to things to her a man can only dream about. Well i have another post on here where i explain how much crazy things went on the last 2 years of this hell.

We had alot of sex most of the time of the relationship. She cheated on me a few times what i know of, and when´t of with other guys to like live with them .

She always charmd me back after those episodes and then the sex was great again for many months. This guy she is with now was one of the guys she cheated on me with in the beginning of the summer. She went of with him for a few weeks and then begged to come back. And  i was so powerless that i just could not quit her. Like the drug and need for her was so much that i lost my sense of self in it all. So i took her back. Great sex for afew months again. She operated her leg, i was there for her everyday and the sex coold down with this.

But we still had sex from time to time. After the leg had totally healed she just moved out one day out of the blue and dumped me over a text and was back with this guy. She is with him now and this is just the same guy she said the sex was better with.

This guy has a 6 year old boy and his ex the mother of the child called me and asked about her. He hadn´t seen his son for the whole time they now been togheter.

This is like 8-9 weeks now...

I don´t what to feel anymore i think im in shock. I have my own business and i can now sleep at night. Hitting the gym so hard and going out running. Always traind alot, the only thing that helps.

But im so angry with myself, her, everything. It´s a nightmare and all i can see is when i close my eyes is this new guy having sex with her...

[BrokenSpokane]

well the sex was something out of a porn flick, like she begged me to things to her a man can only dream about.

But im so angry with myself, her, everything. It´s a nightmare and all i can see is when i close my eyes is this new guy having sex with her...

I can relate. Sex was good with my exBPD too. Very vocal, experimental, BDSM, swinging. We'd go for hours. But, that's how she controlled me. I allowed her to manipulate me through sex. All the PLEASE READty treatment, yelling, rages, hitting, berating, belittling, sarcasm, knit-picking, guilt, isolation I would tolerate because of the frequent sex. But, that's not a relationship. I'm glad I left that situation. I deserve better. You do too. When you think about her having sex with the other guy, just laugh and think, "ha, sucker! Poor guy won't know what hit him soon. He's just going to be in the same situation I am". I'm sure my exBPD's ex husband and I can swap some stories for sure.

[Teddy007]

I have read alot about the all the cluster b personality disorders. And she is just up there in almost all of them. Alot of it explain her crazy behavor.

But still it feels so hurtful to just be discarded like this. And this trauma bond thing? I mean i think about her all the time. And only the good memories comes up.

Ia m trying to think rationally about this but it´s just so hard. Panic attacks and all this thoughts that are popping up in my head. The worst part is that somewhere deep in side i am wishing for her to return to me? Am i going insane?

[BrokenSpokane]

But still it feels so hurtful to just be discarded like this. And this trauma bond thing? I mean i think about her all the time. And only the good memories comes up.

Ia m trying to think rationally about this but it´s just so hard. Panic attacks and all this thoughts that are popping up in my head. The worst part is that somewhere deep in side i am wishing for her to return to me? Am i going insane?

I know exactly what you mean. Yes, the good memories appear and you want her back. I would think of those good memories and at the same time trying and negotiate with the past. Oh, if I only would of done this instead of this. I wish I would of said this instead of this. But, no matter what I would of said or done, the result would be the same. It's her, not me. It's her empty pit of loneliness and fear of abandonment that I was trying to fill. I can't fill that. You can't fill an empty, bottomless pit. Nor can I fill someone else. That's up to them.

Remember, you experienced the relationship much differently than she did. What she did was get you to love her by over expressing love, making you feel special, sex. But that was her motivation... To get you to love her. It wasn't real, at least not at the same level as you felt.

You're not going insane. You are going through what all of us are going through. There's a reason why this board is here.

This article explains a lot and I read it often.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

I'd also recommend doing the lessons that are in the sticky portion of this board.

But, just know you're not alone and no, you're not crazy. Give yourself time, it will take a while to get over her.

[Teddy007]

Thank you. I have read  it a few times myself. The biggest problem is going out doing normal everyday tasks. The panic just comes on you and everything and every place remind me of her. I live in a small town like really small and am so affraid of pumping in to her and the new supply guy.

It really so hard. Just sneaks up on you like some form of monster and you get the panic attacks..

[SinisterComplex]

 Pytagoras, your list is spot on. So while I am still healing in truth I will be just fine. Dealing with this disorder is rough. I now have experience with standard and quiet bpd. My ex wife was abusive (would slap me and get physical to the point I would have to pin her to the floor and tell her this ends now and tell her you have no chance, stop this!). My sort of/almost relationship/friend was emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive.

What I can offer up is that you cannot take the loss personally. Honestly, forgive yourself first. You didnt do anything wrong. The unfortunate reality is that there is nothing else you could have done. There is no other way it was going to end. Does it hurt to hear that? Yes. Does it suck? Yes. However, when you look at it from the perspective that it is not you, it is the other's disorder it should provide some solace. Believing that things could be different is a falsehood.

Things will get better. Instead of looking at what you lost look at what you gain. For me, what I lost is nothing in comparison to what I gained. I essentially made all the right decisions and because I did she imploded and showed her true colors. I could have ended more deeply embedded into her life. I could have got her pregnant. My life would have been hell. We never would have been compatible because I like to do my own thing and I love peace and tranquility. I am not one for drama and chaos and she was far too needy, clingy, and insecure. So I look at it as yeah I got crushed and it hurts, but ultimately I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have no regrets. I got used, but no one else was pulling off what I did for her so I am taking the loss in stride. I hope you can do the same and I wish you the best of luck during your journey of healing.

I joined here because I love to write and this is cathartic so pardon my wordiness.

Cheers!