How to handle?

[DKWTC]

I want to keep this thread going, but things have changed for me since then, so I thought it would make sense to start over here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=351017.0



2-3 weeks ago, my ex's grandma called me about her stuff. The same day my ex sent me a text message after 3 months that she would like to pick up her things in the next few weeks.

Now she unblocked me on Sunday in Whatsapp and wrote me:
"Hey, so if it suits you I would be there Saturday around 1pm to pick up my stuff. But really all things. I can't come again then because I'm moving and there I don't have time to go to XXX again."

Funnily enough, 2 days before the text message I met a great new woman with whom I spend a great time and for the first time have real feelings again.
Saturday I already have a date with this woman and did not want to burst that and suggested she can get her things Sunday afternoon, no answer.

Besides, I know that she will not move. Besides, it makes no sense at all that she now writes to me in Whatsapp and unblocks me there.

The whole thing still doesn't leave me cold, but I feel much better about it now. What should I think of it again? My feeling tells me that there is more behind it.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

I believe that people have the responsibility to end a relationship with as much care and dignity as they can reasonably deliver.    This doesn't apply if there is physical violence but generally when a relationship ends, for whatever reason, the closing phases should be handled as maturely as possible.

I would suggest you find some way to give her back her things.   They are her things.     They belong to her.    They are her property.   Splitting up property at the end of a failed relationship is what mature people do.     

You say you have plans on Saturday.    Something that can't be changed?  Tickets that can't be refunded to a concert that is only happening on Saturday or a coffee date?   It seems extremely unwise to begin a new relationship before you have finished with the old one.

I would also suggest that you stop cyber stalking your ex (from the other thread) and sign her out of your computer.   If your buddy is still using a fake profile on your Ex social media I suggest you close that too.   That's not healthy and reasonable communication.

Besides, I know that she will not move. Besides, it makes no sense at all that she now writes to me in Whatsapp and unblocks me there.

from what you write it appears to me that you have a narrow definition of what your Ex can and should do.     I would suggest that you consider accepting what is and making the best you can out of it.

my two cents.

[DKWTC]

I have deleted everything. This is something her grandmother told me on the phone. Theoretically, of course, I could cancel the person on Saturday. However, I just don't want to.  She also doesn't live just around the corner and works a lot and took time off work especially for me, I would find that unfair to her. I have kept over 10 appointments free in the last 4 months where she wanted to pick up her things and didn't show up.

Do I see myself in the obligation now to cancel a date with a person for whom I am really interested, because she now suddenly wants to get her things? No. I also gave her 2 alternative dates and she didn't even answer.

And yes, in the last few hours I have thought about writing her that it would go earlier on Saturday, but I'm honestly a little afraid that this handover will tear me down again in my development and I won't have my head free for my date afterwards. I would already like to separate that, as you say.

And yes, I just checked her social media again and she and her guy are separated.

[DKWTC]

I asked again yesterday what the situation is now. She said she was moving soon and didn't have time.

Today she started again to threaten with the police and I pointed out to her that I have given her 3 dates where she can pick it up and she should just say when and cancel the bullPLEASE READ with the police. Also that I have backed up everything the last few months and can clearly prove who the "aggressor" is.

On it she then sent voice messages where she said she was trying to settle it and sounded VERY sad and in the last one she almost cried.

[DKWTC]

She's been in deep love with her new guy again since last Friday, and she's going to pick up her stuff on Sunday.

I am really scared of this day and the last week I barely made it out of the house. Everything is coming back up and I feel like I've gone back 4 months.
2 friends will also be there as backup and for my legal security.

It's all crap. I was hoping I will either be over it by the time she picks up her stuff or she will use it to get back. Neither is the case.

[Cat Familiar]

You’re getting a real *read* on who she is. Let yourself observe and really understand that the person you fell in love with and the person you experience picking up her things are very different individuals.

[DKWTC]

She picked up her things.
First she was there 4h earlier, but I insisted on the agreed date, because my backup was not yet there.
She came with her mother, who was very fake friendly. My ex girlfriend did not say a word and just looked at the floor.
When her mother moved her car, she stood very close to me, but with her back to me.
The whole thing passed very quickly. The whole day she had me then on Whatsapp not blocked, meanwhile she has it again.

Now for the first time everything feels really final, after 5 months.
Showing her no interest at all has brought nothing. I am very sure that it was not only about the things, maybe she hoped to hear something positive from me.
She was the last 1-2 weeks probably with her mother and in the time probably "separated". That's why she apparently wrote to me on Whatsapp. But I PLEASE READed it up.

[DKWTC]

2 days ago I received a letter from her grandmother. There would still be things missing. Among other things, 2 watches (she never had any), an eggplant colored pants (I also do not know) and a pair of shoes. Everything that was here, I have given. Even an empty nail polish and everything that is somehow related to her like decorations and fairy lights. Simply everything.

In addition, she still appeals to close with it, even if she knows that it is difficult.

I mean what the hell? The only thing I know is the pair of shoes. Not high quality ones. Shipping would cost as much as the shoes themselves. And I really have no idea where they're supposed to be. Except for the fact that I paid for them anyway, like everything else.

It just bugs the crap out of me.

[jmbl]

I would suggest mailing the shoes and ending communication. If the shoes are hers, regardless of who paid, she has a right to have them. You did not buy them with intention to keep them for yourself, and when we buy something for somebody regardless of the relationship ending, it is theirs to keep - what would you do with them anyway? Maybe, if you do not want to pay for shipping, you could ask her grandmother to pay for postage. Otherwise, it's worth the mental freedom to return them to her, you do not want to be hanging onto a piece of a failed relationship. Allow yourself to move on.  

[DKWTC]

You got that wrong. I do not know where the shoes are, they are not with me. Either she took them with her when she left me or she wore them. I have no idea.