Furious at her and at BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The hardest part for me is when she when she would/does get mad at me for what seemed to me to be wildly unfair and unreasonable things.

Did any of you face crazy-making situations like this?

1) Say you want to see her

2) she doesn't reply, or is busy (which is fine)

3) but then when she wants to see you, or is free you have something else to do

4) full on rage from her

(and did your ex have a sixth sense of when you were busy and only call you to do things then? Mine did.)

So frustrating. And I guess trauma-bonding.

[kc sunshine]

The hardest part for me is when she when she would/does get mad at me for what seemed to me to be wildly unfair and unreasonable things.

Did any of you face crazy-making situations like this?

1) Say you want to see her

2) she doesn't reply, or is busy (which is fine)

3) but then when she wants to see you, or is free you have something else to do

4) full on rage from her

(and did your ex have a sixth sense of when you were busy and only call you to do things then? Mine did.)

So frustrating. And I guess trauma-bonding.

[C.Stein]

Yes, this didn't happen all the time, but it did happen frequently.  When my ex had something she needed to do on "our day", it was ok.  I was always fine with it to, never gave her a hard time.  Yet when the shoe was on the other foot she would get upset with me, not always, but most of the time.  Sometimes she wouldn't even get upset initially, but it would bug her and it would eventually come out.

[JaneStorm]

The hardest part for me is when she when she would/does get mad at me for what seemed to me to be wildly unfair and unreasonable things.

Did any of you face crazy-making situations like this?

1) Say you want to see her

2) she doesn't reply, or is busy (which is fine)

3) but then when she wants to see you, or is free you have something else to do

4) full on rage from her

(and did your ex have a sixth sense of when you were busy and only call you to do things then? Mine did.)

So frustrating. And I guess trauma-bonding.

There can be no way to make sense of these things. Love and codependency keeps us hooked; some for months, others for years. At some point, you have to accept that you can't change their brain and perception and that you have to save your own mental and physical health.

[steve195915]

The hardest part for me is when she when she would/does get mad at me for what seemed to me to be wildly unfair and unreasonable things.

Did any of you face crazy-making situations like this?

1) Say you want to see her

2) she doesn't reply, or is busy (which is fine)

3) but then when she wants to see you, or is free you have something else to do

4) full on rage from her

(and did your ex have a sixth sense of when you were busy and only call you to do things then? Mine did.)

So frustrating. And I guess trauma-bonding.

Exact same thing.  If she had something come up she would just make her own plans and wouldn't even discuss anything. We mostly only had time to see each other on weekends and I may get a call Friday saying she's busy this weekend.  I would just let it go and say ok and ask when we can see each other next.  Then when I had something to do with other people, even if was during a weeknight when we usually wouldn't see each other, all of a sudden she wanted me to come over and see her for a little bit just so I would have to cancel my plans.  It was part of her trying to keep me isolated. 

I could have no female friends or acquaintances, though they were completely just friends and weren't past relationships, I had to remove them as FB friends yet she had males as FB friends and that was ok.  Once in a while I got a text and if I did she wanted me to tell them never to text and for me to block their number yet she had guys texting her and that was ok as she told me they were just acquaintances.  Her twice recycled Ex who was still addicted to her texted her daily too. 

[JohnLove]

Yeah... .that's the BPD double standard. Absolutely maddening, but why accept it?

[steve195915]

Yeah... .that's the BPD double standard. Absolutely maddening, but why accept it?

Yeah, why do we accept it?  For me I was just madly in love with her and I wanted to keep the peace and didn't want to cause fights or distress or to cause problems so I didn't set reasonable boundaries.  Knowing she had a mental illness also justified me moving my boundaries unreasonably. 

So a combination of being addicted to the pwBPD and making allowances for her illness allowed me to accept the lying, verbal abuse, cheating, emotionally childish behavior, and to have double standards for boundaries.  I never would have accepted that in a 'normal' relationship.  I also think the pwBPD are master manipulators and know how to push your buttons and that includes the most incredible sex (at least in my case though I heard its common with a pwBPD SO).

[JaneStorm]

Yeah... .that's the BPD double standard. Absolutely maddening, but why accept it?

Yeah, why do we accept it?  For me I was just madly in love with her and I wanted to keep the peace and didn't want to cause fights or distress or to cause problems so I didn't set reasonable boundaries.  Knowing she had a mental illness also justified me moving my boundaries unreasonably. 

So a combination of being addicted to the pwBPD and making allowances for her illness allowed me to accept the lying, verbal abuse, cheating, emotionally childish behavior, and to have double standards for boundaries.  I never would have accepted that in a 'normal' relationship.  I also think the pwBPD are master manipulators and know how to push your buttons and that includes the most incredible sex (at least in my case though I heard its common with a pwBPD SO).

All. True.

Master lovers; that is all they have to bring to the relationship.