Feel like an Addict in Denial

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone,

I have been involved romantically involved with a woman who has BPD/NPD (not sure which) off and on for about a year.   I realized a few months into the relationships that the relationship was unhealthy and I should break it off.  However, I've continued to go back to her repeatedly.  I've broken up with her nearly a dozen times.  Most recently I ended things 4 days ago.  I know the relationship is toxic and never going to improve.  Therapists, family, friends, support groups, etc... .  have all told me to stay away from this woman no matter what.  And yet I continue to return.  Even though she drains me emotionally, financially and spiritually.

I feel like an addict in denial.  I purchased the books "How To Break An Addiction To A Person" and "Stop Walking On Eggshells" and spent hours on this forum.  I even went to an outpatient treatment center back in February to get away from her.   And yet when I see her out or she sends me a friendly text I forget how unhappy I am with her and think things will be different in the future.

When she's involved in my life I feel insane.  On edge, drained of energy and hopeless.  The only time I feel relief or joy is when I'm away from her.   So why do I keep going back?  When I was in treatment they said No Contact is the only way out of these sick relationships.  Meaning if she texts/calls/stops by, don't answer, don't react.  And definitely don't contact her.  Why is that so hard for me to follow?  

In the past I've gone up to 6 weeks without contacting her.  I guess I'm back to square one now since I sent her a text yesterday morning.  Any suggestions would be great.  Again I feel like a drug addict in denial about just how bad his problem is and that it's ruining his life.

Thanks,

md    

[detachwlove]

Hi everyone,

I have been involved romantically involved with a woman who has BPD/NPD (not sure which) off and on for about a year.   I realized a few months into the relationships that the relationship was unhealthy and I should break it off.  However, I've continued to go back to her repeatedly.  I've broken up with her nearly a dozen times.  Most recently I ended things 4 days ago.  I know the relationship is toxic and never going to improve.  Therapists, family, friends, support groups, etc... .  have all told me to stay away from this woman no matter what.  And yet I continue to return.  Even though she drains me emotionally, financially and spiritually.

I feel like an addict in denial.  I purchased the books "How To Break An Addiction To A Person" and "Stop Walking On Eggshells" and spent hours on this forum.  I even went to an outpatient treatment center back in February to get away from her.   And yet when I see her out or she sends me a friendly text I forget how unhappy I am with her and think things will be different in the future.

When she's involved in my life I feel insane.  On edge, drained of energy and hopeless.  The only time I feel relief or joy is when I'm away from her.   So why do I keep going back?  When I was in treatment they said No Contact is the only way out of these sick relationships.  Meaning if she texts/calls/stops by, don't answer, don't react.  And definitely don't contact her.  Why is that so hard for me to follow?  

In the past I've gone up to 6 weeks without contacting her.  I guess I'm back to square one now since I sent her a text yesterday morning.  Any suggestions would be great.  Again I feel like a drug addict in denial about just how bad his problem is and that it's ruining his life.

Thanks,

md    

[Siamese Rescue]

I'm bouncing all over this board fresh from a messy break up yesterday where my exUBPDbf raged against me and ended it. I appreciate so many things mentioned in your story. I too feel totally addicted and have had only marginal success with no contact. I think the longest was about a two week period. I too have gone to a therapist, (not a good one, therefore I'm changing and have appt with a new one) I have read books, articles, attended support groups. None of it seems to work for me. I can identify with your frustration. I wish I had better feedback or at least some advice. I don't have anything. If I did I would try to utilize it. I know that if there's an outside chance that we ever get back together I would want to insist on his therapy (if I had that much control) ... . You are not alone. I'm in the same boat.

[Siamese Rescue]

Also, I too feel like when he is in my life I feel insane, yet when we are apart I feel empty, lost and scared. The constant chaos he lives in is so exhausting, always at war with someone (now it's me)

[Validation78]

Hi detach!

I can only speak from my own experience and strongly agree that NC is what's best for me. I have had to have LC in order to wrap up unfinished business like a divorce, but have been very careful not to engage in emotional conversation. I have limited communications to email, and a friend proof reads every one so there are no mixed messages. I know this relationship is toxic, and I need to be completely removed from its grips in order to heal and move forward. I suspect that many of us would benefit from NC as well, however, it is a personal decision. If you feel it sets you back to have contact with her, then NC is the only answer. I would suggest reaching out to a friend or loved one when you feel compelled to reach out to her. When you feel weak, look to someone who can build you up, and remind you what got you where you are. It's a discipline you must believe and practice, for your long term good. It's not easy, however it is necessary to move on, and to heal.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[detachwlove]

Also, I too feel like when he is in my life I feel insane, yet when we are apart I feel empty, lost and scared. The constant chaos he lives in is so exhausting, always at war with someone (now it's me)

Thanks for all the replies.  With her life it's unending chaos & drama.  I think that's one of the reasons why NC is so hard for me.  I'm always afraid if I totally cut her out she'll fall apart from her latest imaginary crises.    With her it's always something.  

For example, after I broke up with her on Tuesday she immediately started texting me requesting I drop off items she left at my home.  But instead of requesting them all at once she did it over the course of 2 days.  So Thursday night I dropped off the rest of her stuff.  I asked her if there was anything else she needed from me and she said no.  So I left.  Immediately I thank you text from her which I ignored.

Then at 1am she texts me saying she needs to talk ASAP and then calls.    I text back saying it's late and ask what's the matter.  She says her breasts are lactating.  So like an idiot I call her.  She had her tubes tied 8 years ago but she thinks because she's lactating she might be pregnant or recently had a miscarriage.   I tell her she's just trying to scare the crap out of me.  (It worked).  I told her I'd take her to emergency room or her Doctor if she wanted me to.  She said no to both.  I ended the call saying I was tired and that she should call me in the morning.  She never did.  

So I stayed up all Thursday night worrying she might be pregnant.  Called my Mom in the morning who said female breast lactation can be caused by many things not just pregnancy.  And that since she had a tubal ligation it's highly unlikely she's pregnant.  So I decided to let it go.  She hasn't contacted me since yesterday except to text that she's depressed and lonely.   My best friend says I should block her number.  

It's just more manipulation and melodrama.  Our relationship started that way a year ago (she never told me she had a boyfriend when we first dated) and it seems like it's gonna end that way.  She wants me to stay in her life no matter what.  Even by using emotional blackmail.  So now I'm adopting the motto "don't react, don't reply."  I realize if I continue on it's just gonna get worse.  I don't think she's gonna be happy until I'm as unhappy as she is.  

The one good thing is that by reading books & articles about pwBPD I know most of her tricks to try to stay connected to me.  I'm just tired of feeling scared and like I'm going crazy.  

[tomjon78]

I can really relate to what I´m reading here. Since we broke up in january she seems to have a grip on me. Sexually she is very open and I find it hard to resist. She told me she might be pregnant and which was in my mind very unlikely. I changed my phonenumber, closed mutual facebook contacts etc. and am trying to cut.

It has been 2 weeks now. One day I am really certain I´m doing the right thing but the other I miss her so and am so close to call her. But it´s really like going cold turkey. I´m even getting support from friends and my therapist to do whatever to not contact her. But this is really hard even thought it was only a one year relationship (which I find a very common period when I read stories here).

It is a real shock to read about BPD and find the symptoms I can really relate here. I feel so betrayed and frankly stupid to put myself and my children through this.

Even today I learned that she registered in my gym in a class at the same time as mine. How can I get out of this. But I guess it´s just one day at a time.

[Hurt llama]

I forgot who posted recently, (maybe Green Mango) in that NC is not the 'holy grail' and that made me think about it.

I didn't ask for embellishment but it made me think.

I thought NC was impossible for me and I have known my ex for 6 years, and I ended the engagement 3-4 years ago (iit's a blur) but I maintained constant contact and i saw her a few times and two weeks ago... .  

I joined the forum about 6 weeks ago after an incident that I felt out of control... .  similar to how you describe... .  unable to stop texting... .  and I mean probably a few hundred texts when she deliberately ignored me and made we think she slept with someone on a first date. Turned out it was her on and off again bf

But the real story is that as much as I was sure I could maintain a strange codependent relationship (i admit it now), I was addicted to the excitement... . I coined the name Crazy Land the other day... .  and likened it to a ride that made you sick and as soon as you got off you wanted to go back.

I am a week of almost No Contact... .  I think of reaching out many times but before I do, I remind myself of why it can't work and never will work and that I am giving my energy, my self and it's costing me a great deal.

I am a mess today... . and facing that there are levels of reality to the feelings and that a big part, the toughest part is that at the end of the day my feelings of the Void existed BEFORE her and the bottom line truth is I  have a choice... . do i want to give myself and keep myself on a crazy drug that makes me sick and will hurt me or can I stop the madness that I have been a huge part of and sit in the rubble and figure out my life from here.

Not easy stuff... . and we each go through our process differently. Hope you make choices that work for you.

[BradyK]

Hi Detachwlove,

I really feel for you! It sounds to me like you understand a lot about your situation. Maybe your denial is not so deep! You seem to want to detach from her, and want to put some distance between the two of you using NC as a method, but you are also afraid to do it because it will harm her -- she will "fall apart" without you.

How realistic is that? Will she really fall apart, or be ok? The examples you cite don't sound like crises. I'm sure you make life easier for her in a multitude of ways, but the cost to you seems extremely high! It's not like you are her food or oxygen.

I agree with your friend that if you really do want NC you need to block her access to you. She doesn't sound like she will respect your desire for distance, so you can heal.

From my own experience NC was vital to my recovery, though difficult. It just gave me some breathing room so that I could get a grip on reality again, and get my feet under me, so to speak. It did not "cure" me of my feelings for my exBPDbf, but it helped me get to a place where I could see how unnecessary most of my unhappiness was, and then to take steps to get my physical and mental health back.

As far as brass tacks methods for maintaining NC, I recommend making a list of at least 10 things you will do each time you have an urge to contact her. Things like call a friend, vacuum the living room, go for a run, write that thank you or condolence letter you've been meaning to write, bake a cake for the neighbor, etc. I "fooled" myself by saying "I can email him if I want, I just have to do these 10 things first." I found that by task number 3 or 4 I was back under control and could handle the discomfort of being separated from him. And my grout got really really clean. And my neighbors love me.

Just a suggestion.

[detachwlove]

Hi Detachwlove,

I really feel for you! It sounds to me like you understand a lot about your situation. Maybe your denial is not so deep! You seem to want to detach from her, and want to put some distance between the two of you using NC as a method, but you are also afraid to do it because it will harm her -- she will "fall apart" without you.

How realistic is that? Will she really fall apart, or be ok? The examples you cite don't sound like crises. I'm sure you make life easier for her in a multitude of ways, but the cost to you seems extremely high! It's not like you are her food or oxygen.

I agree with your friend that if you really do want NC you need to block her access to you. She doesn't sound like she will respect your desire for distance, so you can heal.

From my own experience NC was vital to my recovery, though difficult. It just gave me some breathing room so that I could get a grip on reality again, and get my feet under me, so to speak. It did not "cure" me of my feelings for my exBPDbf, but it helped me get to a place where I could see how unnecessary most of my unhappiness was, and then to take steps to get my physical and mental health back.

As far as brass tacks methods for maintaining NC, I recommend making a list of at least 10 things you will do each time you have an urge to contact her. Things like call a friend, vacuum the living room, go for a run, write that thank you or condolence letter you've been meaning to write, bake a cake for the neighbor, etc. I "fooled" myself by saying "I can email him if I want, I just have to do these 10 things first." I found that by task number 3 or 4 I was back under control and could handle the discomfort of being separated from him. And my grout got really really clean. And my neighbors love me.

Just a suggestion.

Thanks for your reply.  Those are great suggestions.   I do now have a lot of free time now that she's out of my life and I know I need to keep busy.  Honestly, right now I feel like total crap physically & emotionally.  My guess is from what I've read that I'm experiencing "withdrawal" symptoms from the relationship.  Since her & I were pretty much inseperable for the last 2 months straight.

I keep having nightmares about her so I'm not getting much sleep.  I had an anxiety attack earlier tonight and became nauseous.   Basically, my time with her hasn't left me in the best shape.  I'm flat broke because I spent all my money on her and her kids.  My entire social life revolved around her so now that she's gone I'm pretty much isolated.  My family's tired of hearing about it.  And just assume I'll get back together with her in a few weeks.    

The relationship basically consumed my life and without her I feel like I have no life.  I just keep reminding myself that living with her is a hellish existence.    

 

 

[Hurt llama]

In the past I've gone up to 6 weeks without contacting her.  I guess I'm back to square one now since I sent her a text yesterday morning.  Any suggestions would be great.  Again I feel like a drug addict in denial about just how bad his problem is and that it's ruining his life.

I think you are beating yourself up too much. 6 weeks no contact? That's something to be proud of. I am one week no contact and I broke up long ago and am consumed with what I need like and sorting out the aftereffects.

You don't seem in denial to me.

Just to post your admission is big.

And yes, no matter what I say, my family just assumes it's bs.

[detachwlove]

In the past I've gone up to 6 weeks without contacting her.  I guess I'm back to square one now since I sent her a text yesterday morning.  Any suggestions would be great.  Again I feel like a drug addict in denial about just how bad his problem is and that it's ruining his life.

I think you are beating yourself up too much. 6 weeks no contact? That's something to be proud of. I am one week no contact and I broke up long ago and am consumed with what I need like and sorting out the aftereffects.

You don't seem in denial to me.

Just to post your admission is big.

And yes, no matter what I say, my family just assumes it's bs.

Thanks for the kind words. 

Since I've broken up with my pwBPD so many times my family & friends don't really know what to think anymore.  Most tease me about the relationship or simply don't want to hear about it.  My closest friend tries to change the subject whenever I bring her up.  My parents like her (based on the 2 times they've met her at holiday get togethers) and tell me they hope things work out between us.

I'm going go to a support group (Alanon) and hopefully my therapist.  It's hard for me to talk about the relationship.  It's easier for me to write about it.   

 

 

[detachwlove]

Update on my story:  

I'm on Day 5 of No Contact and really struggling.  Mainly because of the way my BPDex left things.  Last time I spoke to her she said her breasts were lactating milk.  She was convinced she might be pregnant or recently miscarriaged.  And one of her equally toxic friends texted me and said "I bet she's pregnant."

Everyone I've talked to (family/friends) said that's basically impossible.  Since she had a tubal ligation 8 years ago.  Plus she had a pregnancy test a few weeks ago at a health clinic and it came back negative.  But still in the back of my mind I'm wondering "what if?"  

I'm so pissed at her for being so selfish & unfair towards me.  Bringing up something like "I'm might be pregnant" or "I just miscarried your baby" at 1am and then dropping it immediately the next day.  Like it never happened.  I try to put it out of my mind but it's tough.  My biggest fear is being somehow having to be connected to this woman the rest of my life.    

[turtle]

Hey there detachwlove --

I'm sorry this is taking such a toll on you.  I can relate!  My relationship with crazyx has been over for 11 years, but I remember very vividly what it was like when he left.  It was a pain like I'd never felt -- yet that made no sense because he treated me like ___.  Everyone I knew was THRILLED that he was gone, yet there I was pining away for someone who had just tried to kill me.  It makes NO sense... .  yet... .  there it is.

I can tell you that No Contact saved my life.  I believe in it 100%.  If you hang in there, your life WILL be different.  I'm here as living proof that this is true.  If I can do it, so can YOU!

Try to forget about her pregnancy scares.  It's hard to do, I know, but the tricks they pull out of their hats are devious.  Crazyx pulled MANY tricks on me and it was hard not to fall for them, but I didn't.

Stay strong detachwlove.  This WILL get better.  I agree with your friend that said to block her number.  At this stage in your journey, it's probably best to block her every way you can.  Phones, emails, sms, fb, linkedin, twitter, pitter, patter, and anything else you can think of.  You need to STAY AWAY FROM HER.

I know your name is detachwlove, but for now, don't worry about the "wlove" part... .  just detach!  Do it. 

You'll need to start working on YOU, but for now... .  just do all that you can to stay NO CONTACT.  I'm here to tell you, it's worth it.  Life is soo much better without all of their BS.

turtle

[seeking balance]

Hi detachwlove,

It is draining and crazy making - I can remember feeling so out of sync that I was unsure which one of us might be the most crazy!

Ultimately, I was tired of the toll and figured I had to do something different.  I remember reading these relationships had the same addictive quality on the brain as drugs -well, with drugs people go cold turkey - so NC for me as soon as it was possible... .  I was LC during the divorce for practical matters, and that would send me spinning even.

Good job on day 5! 

Peace,

SB

[detachwlove]

Hey there detachwlove --

I'm sorry this is taking such a toll on you.  I can relate!  My relationship with crazyx has been over for 11 years, but I remember very vividly what it was like when he left.  It was a pain like I'd never felt -- yet that made no sense because he treated me like ___.  Everyone I knew was THRILLED that he was gone, yet there I was pining away for someone who had just tried to kill me.  It makes NO sense... .  yet... .  there it is.

I can tell you that No Contact saved my life.  I believe in it 100%.  If you hang in there, your life WILL be different.  I'm here as living proof that this is true.  If I can do it, so can YOU!

Try to forget about her pregnancy scares.  It's hard to do, I know, but the tricks they pull out of their hats are devious.  Crazyx pulled MANY tricks on me and it was hard not to fall for them, but I didn't.

Stay strong detachwlove.  This WILL get better.  I agree with your friend that said to block her number.  At this stage in your journey, it's probably best to block her every way you can.  Phones, emails, sms, fb, linkedin, twitter, pitter, patter, and anything else you can think of.  You need to STAY AWAY FROM HER.

I know your name is detachwlove, but for now, don't worry about the "wlove" part... .  just detach!  :)o it.  

You'll need to start working on YOU, but for now... .  just do all that you can to stay NO CONTACT.  I'm here to tell you, it's worth it.  Life is soo much better without all of their BS.

turtle

Thanks so much for the support.  I'm trying hard to just focus on myself and block her "pregnancy scare" ploy out of my mind.  Since I live alone it can be tough to do.   I hate isolating.  But I feel awkward around other people.   To update, she texted me today saying something like "Can we be friends?  You at least owe me that."  I ignored it and silenced my my phone.

Now I'm scared she's gonna do an unexpected drop by visit since I'm ignoring her texts.  She's done that in the past.   Just show up unannounced.  Ugh... .  what a pain this whole mess is.    

[detachwlove]

Hi detachwlove,

It is draining and crazy making - I can remember feeling so out of sync that I was unsure which one of us might be the most crazy!

Ultimately, I was tired of the toll and figured I had to do something different.  I remember reading these relationships had the same addictive quality on the brain as drugs -well, with drugs people go cold turkey - so NC for me as soon as it was possible... .  I was LC during the divorce for practical matters, and that would send me spinning even.

Good job on day 5!  

Peace,

SB

Thanks.  That's exactly what I feel like.  That I'm withdrawing from a drug.  I tried explaining that to an Alanon member last night and he didn't get it at all.  Breakups w BPD's are maddening because no one really understands how painful they are unless they've been involved romantically w a pwBPD before.

It's true most days I wonder if I'm crazier than she is.  I'll think "maybe I have BPD" or PTSD now.  I'll go from happy to sad in ten minutes.   I'll talk to people and just blank out suddenly.  No fun.  But I know I'm doing the right thing.

[Validation78]

Hi Detach!

IMHO, the only thing you owe anybody is to yourself. It owe it to yourself to get better, to heal, to grow, to live a life with real love, real emotions, with healthy boundaries. Take this one second, one minute, one hour, day, week,month at a time. It gets easier as time passes. In the meantime, find yourself again. Do things that bring you fulfillment, whatever that might be. Surround yourself with positive influences, and leave the dysfunction behind. Ignore her attempts to reel you in. If she shows up at the door, don't open it. Take control of yourself, and don't allow her to overstep your NC boundaries. You should be your own priority now, and the heck with how she feels about it. The healing process is about you, not her.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[detachwlove]

I've been successful so far with my NC pledge.  Thankfully she hasn't stopped by. 

I finally figured out how to block her calls & texts on my phone.  It's an extra $4 a month to do so but it's worth it.  I called my service provider Saturday and had it set up.  Now I don't have to be afraid when I hear my phone ring.

These relationships with pwBPD are exhausting.  The amount of trouble it takes to get out of them.  I feel unbelievably relieved to be free of her.  I'm still having nightmares though.  Usually about her cheating on me or seeing her with another guy.   I'll wake up and feel painfully alone.  But I have no urge to contact her.  Thankfully I'm free of that compulsion at the moment. 

I'm going to see my therapist Thursday.  I still feel like I'm withdrawing from the intensity of my BPD relationship.  Like I'm still trying to make sense of the whole affair.  Luckily knowing about BPD has helped put it in perspective for me.  It still hurts but I understand who & what my ex is now and why she behaves the way she does.   

 

[flynavy]

Detachwolve ... .  I feel/felt your pain because i too was involved with a BPD/NPD... .  the NPD really throws some more curve balls at you.  The NPD side cannot ignore any attention she gets.  She has to follow through... .  unfortunately... .  to squelch their pain they require high intensity emotions... .  what better than the intensity of sex and orgasm.  This is typical.  My ex got off on the fact that she might get caught by one of the others while with me.  It actually did happen... .  at 12:30 AM at my house.  Her long term prey just found out that she ever was with me by coincidence.  This is after we already broke up but we would meet for sex once a month.  She even joked that I was on the 30 day plan... .  sick... .  yet she said she was with me cuz she loved me.  Yes the sex is incredible (I stopped because it escalated into pornograhic)  but it has to be to stop the pain.  It is not out of love/intimacy but rather intensity ... .  the combination of the BPD and NPD adds up to extremely risky behavior... .  usually sexual. The Narcissist in her cannot ignore any attention. if you have not i recommend that you get a full panel STD blood work/urinalysis done as soon as possible.  Just remember its not about intimacy for her.  It always wondered why after she would be done with certain things she wanted me to do/or she wanted to do for me she would go into a 30 sec zone out... .  much like a heroin addic gets when he finally shoots up and just is in another world.  This is very hard to leave... .  I know... .  I called off our wedding when I found out her double sometimes triple life and yet went back for more for 8 months!

[flynavy]

Detachwolve... .  does this sound familiar... .  I took this from my short story I wrote about my experience with a BPD/NPD woman... .  


WHO SHE REALLY IS and the types of behavior she exhibited and perhaps why she is what she is:

•   May have had inappropriate contact at young age with male family member….she actually divulged this to me early on but wouldn’t say who because she said….”she did not want me to hate this person”.  This too may have been one of her lies to get me to be her “the knight in shining armor” to come to her rescue and feel so sorry for the victim.

•   In a sexual relationship with an 18 year old boy/man when she was 13 and stayed with him all through high school…making him 22 when she graduated…true.

•   Married early to an abusive alcoholic for a short time

•   Married again because she was pregnant.  Stayed with him 10 years because he had $.  As soon as his business fell apart she divorced him, 4 kids unfortunately for them, later

•   Began quite a promiscuous (sorry…just a lot of different guys) lifestyle after her divorce and then met a guy in her development and actually got engaged to him and then called it off for what reason no one really knows

•   Moved by her sister and started dating her now boyfriend (8 years now)

•   Would still see her first ex husband…even go on vacation with him.

•   Tried on line dating and getting fixed up by friends and seeing guys who are reps from work on occasion while she is in a so called committed relationship with her current boyfriend.

•   All the time keeping her personal life very private from her family and probably only one real friend…who let’s just say has the same moral fabric

•   She has fling with guy she met in a home improvement big box store because he is a “snappy dresser”…her words.  Cops/bounty hunters come to her house because he is wanted for identity fraud and goes to jail.  She may still see him/talk on occasion.  He was a married man.

•   Went out with a much older man who lost his wife …almost got married till the children intervened and stopped it.  I hear he was probably 15 years older maybe more.  He had a lot of money….see a pattern.  Her current 8 year boyfriend has a lot of money.

•   She meets me while committed to her current boyfriend

•   Accepts my marriage proposal

•   Accepts her current boyfriends proposal for marriage 2 weeks after accepting mine and dumps me…it was done very “coldly”

•   Starts seeing me for sex 2 months later while engaged – unbeknownst to me!

•   We start seeing each other regularly (4-5 times a week…mainly sexual) while she is engaged

•   I ask her to marry me again after seeing her for 8 months again…she says yes…again.  Still not sure if she is still engaged to the other guy

•   We come home one day and find a big penis drawn on her car and stuff thrown off of the deck and broken…could it be her disgruntled boyfriend who sees me there at her house everyday.

•   I start full investigation because something comes over me (compelled to do so)

•   When I find out the whole story, I call off wedding 1 month before

•   She is outraged, will not leave, becomes physically and verbally abusive

•   Finally leaves the next day

•   She is back with her current boyfriend but still rendezvous with me for sex on a routine basis

•   Her boyfriend find out one night and shows up at my house…I have to call the police because they would not leave my front yard

•   She still sees me for sex in hotels etc. while she got back with her current boyfriend again…God knows what she told him to make that happen?

•   She continues to text/call (and me too so I am no angel I guess)until I finally say enough is enough on April 24, 2013….Know why…she is in Florida text flirting with me…I meet her at airport to surprise her when she gets in ….guess who also is there.  I do not confront…but it is affirmation just how sick she really is…they were holding hands/smiling/ like an engaged couple should I guess!

•   Just sold her house…I painted it and spent a lot of $s on rugs, the listing on line, her first husband did landscaping for her at this house and her current boyfriend put in driveway and double decker deck…as far as I know any way.

[detachwlove]

The whole "Leaving A Partner w BPD" article really hits home for me.  My BPD ex basically follows that "script" everytime I break up with her.  Beat for beat.  The main thing is she'll do anything to stay connected to me.  

-  immediately she'll start texting asking me to return crap she left at my home.  

-  the smear campaign.  Bashing me to her friends.  

-  the phone/text threats.  That she's gonna fall apart if I abandon her.  Won't be able to go on.  That our breakup is killing her.  

-  the stalking behavior.  Either online or in person  

However, then I'll hear from friends who have seen her out that she's dating some new guy and appears to be "on top of the world."   That's what really makes me bitter.  All her lies and deception.  I truly believe the only thing that upsets her about our breakup is the fact I've cut off all contact with her.  For pwBPD, losing all contact with their ex's is devastating.  They can't handle or believe that someone they once had sex with now wants nothing to do with them.   She prides herself on remaining "friends" with all her ex boyfriends.  Because without them she'd have no friends.  

Fortunately (knock on wood) I seem to be winning the chess match at the moment.  Like I've said before, thanks to this website, I know all her tricks to try to get me back in her life.