skills learned

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Ok, after thinking about my relationship in a calmer mind set here is what I have come up with. The relationship started out from a point of me being in a desperate place emotionally. I had been single for 3 years raising 2 boys around 10 years of age.

So when an ex friend introduced me to this girl, I was undoubtedly excited.

It started off as a long distance phone calls relationship, with a splash of sexual comments of what we would do to each other when we finally meet. That went about a month before she moved here. When she got here we were both excited probably due to all the sexual talk, pic, that we had going  on the phone. After she got here, a week later, I moved her into my home. She got along well with my kids. I think they enjoyed the motherly attention as well. I was aware of her having to move back in between her mom’s apt, for the elderly and friends homes. So basically she came from being  homeless to my house.

We had plenty of fun times, but she had some habit that I did not care for. Cigarette being the biggest at that time. She said she would cut back and smoke outside. She even tried the e-cigerette. But it did not last. Her smoking outside stayed outside but cig butts were all over the place even with constant reminders of a garbage basket just a few feet away.

I confided with a relative I trusted. About do people JUST SETTLE in relationships. I mean, I did not like the smoking, but I could overlook that, just accept it. Or the going on face book to play Farmville. A total waste of time and stupid in my opinion but I could accept it. 

In the back of my head.  I looked at the relationship as a working relationship. I did my part bringing in the money paying the bills feeding the family, helping with her private issues and so on. She help with keeping the home in order cooking at times, laundry, as well as being sexual with me. And I loved her and she said she loved me. But that word LOVE has several levels.   

So my talks with my relative would center around, the question. In a relationships, do you just settle for average or OK, and be happy?

With my GF relationship, because of the little thing I did not like. I always kept in the back of my head the thought. We were using each other and neither one cared.

Unfortunately, I think I cared way more than she did. We weren’t married. I told her early on that that wasn’t going to happen. She seemed fine with that. She had a disability check so did not work. I would buy her just about anything she needed or asked for.

But she asked for very little in material items. This is like a dream girl. Right guys.

So now looking back, there were plenty of red flags, had I know what to look for back then.

I was way too desperate, needy, in rescue mode, a real sucker, and no boundaries.

She has no real goals; no boundaries, and loves lots of drama, 

So the lesson I’m beginning to learn are.

1) Don’t rush in fast. If it’s meant to be they will wait for you.

2) Sex is super great, with the right person.

3) If I can’t be fun by myself, then way would anyone want to have fun with me.

4) A pet dog is cheaper, and will love you un-conditionally. +  A puppy, is a chick magnet.

5) Be careful about dropping your standards of wants and needs, to fit others.

6) Do not be afraid to re-evaluate the relationship every now and then. Do they still meet your goals, ideals?

7) Being single has its advantages as well. Like more ice cream for you.

8) If you’re not completely excited about the girl without having sex with her first, then she’s probably not the one.

9) Relationship takes two committed people working together with the same goal in mind to work.

10) I’m waiting for God to work out the details in my next relationship. “Let go let God”, “Jesus take the wheel”, cause my life has been a roller coaster of pain. Stick a folk in me I’m done trying to solve these relationships heartaches.

Hello, God, did you hear me. Helloo…………lol

[dangoldfool]

Ok, after thinking about my relationship in a calmer mind set here is what I have come up with. The relationship started out from a point of me being in a desperate place emotionally. I had been single for 3 years raising 2 boys around 10 years of age.

So when an ex friend introduced me to this girl, I was undoubtedly excited.

It started off as a long distance phone calls relationship, with a splash of sexual comments of what we would do to each other when we finally meet. That went about a month before she moved here. When she got here we were both excited probably due to all the sexual talk, pic, that we had going  on the phone. After she got here, a week later, I moved her into my home. She got along well with my kids. I think they enjoyed the motherly attention as well. I was aware of her having to move back in between her mom’s apt, for the elderly and friends homes. So basically she came from being  homeless to my house.

We had plenty of fun times, but she had some habit that I did not care for. Cigarette being the biggest at that time. She said she would cut back and smoke outside. She even tried the e-cigerette. But it did not last. Her smoking outside stayed outside but cig butts were all over the place even with constant reminders of a garbage basket just a few feet away.

I confided with a relative I trusted. About do people JUST SETTLE in relationships. I mean, I did not like the smoking, but I could overlook that, just accept it. Or the going on face book to play Farmville. A total waste of time and stupid in my opinion but I could accept it. 

In the back of my head.  I looked at the relationship as a working relationship. I did my part bringing in the money paying the bills feeding the family, helping with her private issues and so on. She help with keeping the home in order cooking at times, laundry, as well as being sexual with me. And I loved her and she said she loved me. But that word LOVE has several levels.   

So my talks with my relative would center around, the question. In a relationships, do you just settle for average or OK, and be happy?

With my GF relationship, because of the little thing I did not like. I always kept in the back of my head the thought. We were using each other and neither one cared.

Unfortunately, I think I cared way more than she did. We weren’t married. I told her early on that that wasn’t going to happen. She seemed fine with that. She had a disability check so did not work. I would buy her just about anything she needed or asked for.

But she asked for very little in material items. This is like a dream girl. Right guys.

So now looking back, there were plenty of red flags, had I know what to look for back then.

I was way too desperate, needy, in rescue mode, a real sucker, and no boundaries.

She has no real goals; no boundaries, and loves lots of drama, 

So the lesson I’m beginning to learn are.

1) Don’t rush in fast. If it’s meant to be they will wait for you.

2) Sex is super great, with the right person.

3) If I can’t be fun by myself, then way would anyone want to have fun with me.

4) A pet dog is cheaper, and will love you un-conditionally. +  A puppy, is a chick magnet.

5) Be careful about dropping your standards of wants and needs, to fit others.

6) Do not be afraid to re-evaluate the relationship every now and then. Do they still meet your goals, ideals?

7) Being single has its advantages as well. Like more ice cream for you.

8) If you’re not completely excited about the girl without having sex with her first, then she’s probably not the one.

9) Relationship takes two committed people working together with the same goal in mind to work.

10) I’m waiting for God to work out the details in my next relationship. “Let go let God”, “Jesus take the wheel”, cause my life has been a roller coaster of pain. Stick a folk in me I’m done trying to solve these relationships heartaches.

Hello, God, did you hear me. Helloo…………lol

[Want2know]

So the lesson I’m beginning to learn are.

1) Don’t rush in fast. If it’s meant to be they will wait for you.

2) Sex is super great, with the right person.

3) If I can’t be fun by myself, then way would anyone want to have fun with me.

4) A pet dog is cheaper, and will love you un-conditionally. +  A puppy, is a chick magnet.

5) Be careful about dropping your standards of wants and needs, to fit others.

6) Do not be afraid to re-evaluate the relationship every now and then. Do they still meet your goals, ideals?

7) Being single has its advantages as well. Like more ice cream for you.

8) If you’re not completely excited about the girl without having sex with her first, then she’s probably not the one.

9) Relationship takes two committed people working together with the same goal in mind to work.

10) I’m waiting for God to work out the details in my next relationship. “Let go let God”, “Jesus take the wheel”, cause my life has been a roller coaster of pain. Stick a folk in me I’m done trying to solve these relationships heartaches.

Hello, God, did you hear me. Helloo…………lol

Sounds like you've been doing some solid thinking.  Creating lists like these can be really helpful.  You can come back to them and tweak them when you have additional thoughts, or add to them as another epiphany happens.