Hey all,
I am glad to say that I won't be posting on here anymore... .I must move forward with my life as I've been trying to do for the past year and half and I'm at a point where I can finally. I want to thank everyone on here who has helped out with some amazing insights and posts.
Some more advice from a 'veteran' who has been fighting the good fight and is winning and not giving up.
There are many components after breaking up with your BPD partner, the road bifurcates into two, 1 side is happy that they are gone and hold bitterness the other side is missing them and filled with the horrible feelings.
Unfortuantely for me, I had the pleasure of painting her white when we broke up, I missed her, I wanted her, I even defended her whenever I ruminated about her coupled with the horrible feelings we are left with. I was also in graduate school, hundreds of miles away from family, and living in a crappy apartment ALONE. I didn't have money for a T or any sort of clinical help.
My take/advice on what seems to be the most FAQs about BPDs is
1.
Will they better with the next person? Truthfully, there is no paradigm for ALL BPD but from my experience and the countless stories I've read on here, most will continue their behavior over and over and over. As humans, it's hard to set aside our ego and look within ourselves to admit our flaws. It's a herculean task to try to change ourselves, could you imagine how HARD it is to change another person? and EVEN harder a pwBPD? or how hard do you think it will be for a pwBPD to change themselves? when they are so freakin' scared to look at themselves. So, unfortuantely no, they don't get better.
2.
Did they ever love me? I like to believe that in their own 'special' way they did. My BPD did not act crazy with all people, just a handful of people who are most intimate with her. The closer you are to them, the more serious the burns will be. My BPDex had a love for me that she could not sustain. It's what she knew. How could she have a firm grasp on love when she models her relationships after an abusive marriage between her parents? and constantly dates losers and douchebags? It's what she knew, she's emotionally stunted.
3.
Do they ever think about us? If I had a dollar for everytime she spoke about her rape, her ex boyfriends, her old friends, I would of walked out with a few hundred dollars (in the course of 8 month relationship). I think that they do. Heck, I think about my old ex girlfriends or girls that I used to fool around with from time to time and I wonder if they are OK, or how they are doing. Of course, I don't have BPD so I don't know what she thinks but I do assume deep down they do know they have some fault in the failure of the relationship. However, that clarity is short and their defense mechansisms kick in FAST. But they do think about you... .If they don't ever contact you... Thank god and they have a new supply of ego boosting or you made it damn clear to never contact you again
4.
I want to break NC, should I? NC is the best thing you can do. IGNORE anyone and anything associated with your BPDex partner. Until you can handle possibly seeing a sibling of theirs or family member. IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE! You won't move on if you're still entangled and up to date with their stuff. Block, delete, ignore. They are not worth your time. Additionally, if they ever contact you, don't reply. If they try to get you angry, horny, sad, jealous... .remember that
it's just to get a response out of you for their own benefit5.
I left, Not sure if my ex had BPD or not? What if it was me? If you found your way to this website... .you're not crazy. There was obviously something wrong. If your BPDex does not have BPD... .it makes their behavior a bit more personal right? well... .BPD or not they were toxic to YOU. YOUR well being. Your mental, physical, and social health were at risk. Labeling them with BPD eases our pain and explains their behavior. However, they are/were/will be bat shlt crazy regardless of the BPD label! GOOD RIDDANCE. IT WASN'T YOU! BELIEVE ME... .They are not on bpdfamily or any other website trying to figure out why YOU were bad... .they are out self medicating, hiding from their pain.
6
Do we have core trauma for dating them? IMHO, iffy question. We all had past experiences that have shaped us in one way or another. Perhaps some of us have traumatic expriences that we relate and see in our BPD partners. Some of us do not have core damage. Perhaps it was just a simple case of being naive and a bad experience. Don't let anyone ANYWHERE tell you that 'you have core trauma' because you dated them. That's
for you to figure out. If you don't great... .IF you do, find out.
I battled so long in thinknig I had some sort of 'damage' because I dated her. Because BPD websites push towards this notion that we are... .well that's for YOU and YOU only to think about.
7.
How can I get over them? In time. There is no set model that one must follow to get over them. Everyone is different. The one thing I can say is that stick to NC. Throw everything out. Don't listen to songs/dont go to places that reminds you of them/ don't find out that htey are up to. Those are the first steps.
How did I get over her? Still stings a bit... .But, I'm in a state of indifference. With time you will get to this place. I forgave her. I realised that I stayed despite her behavior. I was naive. I let so much slide because she was victim of sexual abuse and used her story to manipulate me.
I forgave her... .I realised the wonderful beauty of life that I missed out by on dwelling over her and that's worse than the pain she caused me. Feel your emotions sit down and have a cup of tea with them. Figure why you stayed, and what you will do differently next time.
Ask yourself these questions... .
Have I made stronger boundaries?
What has changed for the better?
If I meet another person like them what will I do?
How can I have a better relationship?
How has this made me a stronger and better person?
Everything will be ok... In time always in time. 
