Let's post a small update
I've been 'away' from these boards for a few weeks now. I do check the boards, but not as regularly. And I didn't post that much anymore.
It was the best thing to do in my case, and it helped. I've had an easier time letting go (or actually: starting to let go).
I really appreciated this post btw:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=214588.0Especially since the whole passive-aggressive thing fitted my situation really well.
It is not all that easy though. I find it hard to grasp that she can be all friendly amongst other people. They just don't know her very well, but it still is quite hard. I still sometimes wish that 'mask' would not be a 'mask', but her true self. (well... it is in a way... but I hope you get the idea)
I sometimes have these crazy thoughts as well, doubting if she actually received my last message. A few weeks earlier I would then have a major urge to send something similar again. But not now. Because it makes no difference.
I also had a weird dream in which I saw her waiting for me after work. She was just standing there on my route home, waiting for me to come to her. I didn't. I continued my way home and ignored her. She then left. Silently. And I felt kinda bad in a way... not completely sure if I did the right thing.
The dream(s) and everything didn't make me contact her though. So that's a really good thing. She is and remains the same.
