Inspirational dreams - hallelujah

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I didn't dream for months after I left my ex, for whatever reason, alcohol was probably a factor, but once I toned that down and got my feet on the ground a little, I'd have frequent dreams with her in them.  In fact she was in all of them.  And although they were all different situations, the theme was always the same: she was struttin' around with some well hung stud completely ignoring me, or glancing at me with disgust in her eyes, and I'm cowering in a corner in a whiny puddle of wimp.  I'd wake up from those sweating and wanting to die.  Then they stopped, no dreams at all for several months, then I would have one once in a while, and they got softer, she was even laughing in some and we were getting along (I know what you're thinking, recycle dream.  Don't go there.)

So I'm no shrink, but seems to me we can adjust our belief systems and change our focus consciously all we want, but it's the subconscious stuff that matters, and that shows up in our dreams, symbolically, otherwise it would be to easy.  Freud would probably have an opinion.  Anyway, I've been dreaming about lots of other stuff lately, she hasn't made an appearance in a while, but she has a few times in the last week.  The vibe has changed.  This time I'm the one struttin' and she's looking at me with that intimidated-little-girl look she'd get once in a while when I got pissed or called her on her bullsht.  Most importantly, from a detachment perspective, I just didn't care; I was going about my life happy, and she was watching me go by as if I was someone she had no chance with and lost, which is true.  And I woke up calm and content, and continued to make those dreams reality by living that happy life.

So hallelujah!  It's taken a year and a half to get to this place, and I'm runnin' with it.  Thought I'd share experiences and timeframes for those who might be curious, How long does it take to purge a disorder and the resulting abuse?

[fromheeltoheal]

I didn't dream for months after I left my ex, for whatever reason, alcohol was probably a factor, but once I toned that down and got my feet on the ground a little, I'd have frequent dreams with her in them.  In fact she was in all of them.  And although they were all different situations, the theme was always the same: she was struttin' around with some well hung stud completely ignoring me, or glancing at me with disgust in her eyes, and I'm cowering in a corner in a whiny puddle of wimp.  I'd wake up from those sweating and wanting to die.  Then they stopped, no dreams at all for several months, then I would have one once in a while, and they got softer, she was even laughing in some and we were getting along (I know what you're thinking, recycle dream.  Don't go there.)

So I'm no shrink, but seems to me we can adjust our belief systems and change our focus consciously all we want, but it's the subconscious stuff that matters, and that shows up in our dreams, symbolically, otherwise it would be to easy.  Freud would probably have an opinion.  Anyway, I've been dreaming about lots of other stuff lately, she hasn't made an appearance in a while, but she has a few times in the last week.  The vibe has changed.  This time I'm the one struttin' and she's looking at me with that intimidated-little-girl look she'd get once in a while when I got pissed or called her on her bullsht.  Most importantly, from a detachment perspective, I just didn't care; I was going about my life happy, and she was watching me go by as if I was someone she had no chance with and lost, which is true.  And I woke up calm and content, and continued to make those dreams reality by living that happy life.

So hallelujah!  It's taken a year and a half to get to this place, and I'm runnin' with it.  Thought I'd share experiences and timeframes for those who might be curious, How long does it take to purge a disorder and the resulting abuse?

[Want2know]

Dreams are pretty interesting, aren't they?

I've had similar dreams as your first ones for a while, and now I rarely dream about my ex.  I've been fully out of my r/s for 2 years.

I'm certainly no shrink either, but I agree that our subconscious mind has a lot going on that we are sometimes unaware of.  Dreams don't let you forget that.   

Glad your dreams are getting better.  Do you feel that confident when you are awake regarding your ex most of the time now?

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks w2k, and yep, there's a whole lot going on under the surface.  She lives 2000 miles away now and hasn't tried to contact me for over a year, so I can say I'm confident, but it hasn't been tested, nor do I want to test it.  It's more that life is getting really good again, I feel much more mature than I did before the relationship, and she's fading to almost nothing.  She had lost most of her power towards the end, the games were transparent and pathetic, but it was my own wake up call, what I put up with and how far down the rabbit hole I'd gone trying to 'love' her that was truly shocking to me, and getting my head around that has been the bulk of it.  Subconsciously she did a number on me, hence the dreams, and I'm really happy the dream window into that is showing a much prettier picture.

[Perfidy]

I have been studying the unconscious mind. Freud didn't use or accept the term subconscious. The mind that stores information for later processing. It turns out that had we listened to our instincts in the first place, we may have avoided the events that led to our suffering. Go figure.

There is another book. The Gift of Fear. I'm reading reviews about this book now. It looks informative and I plan on getting it and studying. It's about instinct and how the subconscious or unconscious mind processes information faster than the conscious mind.

The dreams are part of what led my conscious mind to a deeper understanding of my self. Daily meditation makes me more aware of my deeper mind. I wonder, when the deeper mind is exposed, does it make thought go to an even more difficult level to reach?

[Tausk]

Not being a psych in any way, but I know that my dreams at times help me to process emotions that I would normally suppress. 

I suppress everything as a child to survive.  All the pain, the fear, the terror, the loneliness... .

So when I started dreaming about seeing her with other guys and then the next moment with her head on my shoulder in bliss, and the next moment me walking down a path... . very alone... .

I began to understand that my dreams helped me to process the feelings.  It would have been so much harder to have had such experiences had I actually lived them.  But seeing my ex with another man in my dreams... . eased the reality of the truth of the facts into my consciousness  My dreams helped me to accept the facts of the good and bad.

And my dreams are changing as well.  It's still painful to dream of my ex.  And usually she's engaged in behavior that reflects the insanity of the my involvement with the Disorder.  But it's better.  I recover much more quickly, and even the last time, I was able to say in my dream... . this is a dream and she's just Bat Sht Crazy.

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks Perfidy

I have been studying the unconscious mind. Freud didn't use or accept the term subconscious. The mind that stores information for later processing. It turns out that had we listened to our instincts in the first place, we may have avoided the events that led to our suffering. Go figure.

No kidding!  Thinking back there were things that were 'off' the very first day we were together, that I had a strong gut feel about and ignored.  I used to do that a lot when I was younger, and if my gut was telling me something I didn't want to hear, my brain would get extra busy coming up with justifications for doing what I wanted to do anyway, to my detriment.  The key is our instincts, gut feel, sixth sense, whatever you want to call it, is never wrong!  I've been better at listening to it as I've gotten older, but totally ignored it with her.  And look where that got me.

There is another book. The Gift of Fear. I'm reading reviews about this book now. It looks informative and I plan on getting it and studying. It's about instinct and how the subconscious or unconscious mind processes information faster than the conscious mind.

The dreams are part of what led my conscious mind to a deeper understanding of my self. Daily meditation makes me more aware of my deeper mind. I wonder, when the deeper mind is exposed, does it make thought go to an even more difficult level to reach?

I say no, our subconscious thoughts aren't trying to hide from us.  I've read that something like 90% of brain activity is subconscious, or unconscious if you prefer, everything that has ever happened in our lives is stored there, along with all of the body regulation functions, and we have limited access to it.  Gut feel and the symbolism of dreams are how we peek a little bit, and one view of meditation I like is it makes the boundary between conscious and unconscious, and the left and right brain, fuzzier, on the way to a fully integrated self.  The calmness I get after meditating supports that belief a little for me.  How long to you typically meditate Perfidy?

[fromheeltoheal]

I began to understand that my dreams helped me to process the feelings.  It would have been so much harder to have had such experiences had I actually lived them.  But seeing my ex with another man in my dreams... . eased the reality of the truth of the facts into my consciousness  My dreams helped me to accept the facts of the good and bad.

That's a good point tausk.  To expand, many times things I didn't want to think about, and consciously wouldn't, would come up in my dreams anyway, again and again until they were resolved.  Still resulted in me waking up sweating and panicked in the middle of the night a few times, but yes, better than actually living it.

And my dreams are changing as well.  It's still painful to dream of my ex.  And usually she's engaged in behavior that reflects the insanity of the my involvement with the Disorder.  But it's better.  I recover much more quickly, and even the last time, I was able to say in my dream... . this is a dream and she's just Bat Sht Crazy.

Funny!  I've been doing that too; when we can realize inside the dream that it is a dream, that's the mind becoming integrated.  In my mind.  Or something.  The fact that she's been looking guilty and intimidated in my latest dreams is validating for me, as I Ha Ha Ha and go about my business.  No power left there for her.  Hallelujah!

[Perfidy]

Fromheeltoheal, I meditate whenever I can. I start each day with just a few minutes of meditation. Sometimes I meditate longer, not ever more than fifteen minutes. Sometimes several times a day. I catch myself being mindful more often now. Simple things like the sunrise, sunset, trees, water, become magnificent and soothing. It helps me see wonder and then more gratitude.