i received contact last night after a month

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I really thought i would never hear anything again. He usually recycles alot sooner.  Its been a month. It may not even be a recycle attempt.  He sent me an email calling me a coward. Then a few more emails forwarding an old email of mine where i was pouring my heart out from a long time ago. He tells me that i should seek a skilled therapist etc and take responsibility for my part . Yes I read them all even though i shouldn't have. Then the same forward of that email a couple of more times, the last one showing that he has put it into his trash and the last email again calling me a coward.  I didn't respond. I was shocked to get these emails .  I wanted to defend myself, still want to but im not going to engage it.  Even though I am by the fact that i am being triggered right now. I've been doing the usual of trying to figure out what was going on for him to send these things etc. Back to crazy land again. Going to take care of myself today and tomorrow. I'm sad.

[corraline]

I really thought i would never hear anything again. He usually recycles alot sooner.  Its been a month. It may not even be a recycle attempt.  He sent me an email calling me a coward. Then a few more emails forwarding an old email of mine where i was pouring my heart out from a long time ago. He tells me that i should seek a skilled therapist etc and take responsibility for my part . Yes I read them all even though i shouldn't have. Then the same forward of that email a couple of more times, the last one showing that he has put it into his trash and the last email again calling me a coward.  I didn't respond. I was shocked to get these emails .  I wanted to defend myself, still want to but im not going to engage it.  Even though I am by the fact that i am being triggered right now. I've been doing the usual of trying to figure out what was going on for him to send these things etc. Back to crazy land again. Going to take care of myself today and tomorrow. I'm sad.

[seeking balance]

These emails can be exhausting... . take good care of you today - do the things you know will make you feel secure even though you won't feel like it right now... . this is the difference between nons and pwBPD, we have the ability to ACT mindfully and not reactionary.

He is probably just pissed about something and you got the wrath... . like with most pwBPD, by the time you responded he has moved on to a new emotion.  Maybe, watch Marcia Linehan on youtube when she was first trying to treat pwBPD before developing DBT - problem today is not the problem tomorrow.  It is kinda entertaining the way she tells the story.

Hang in there!

SB

[corraline]

seekingbalance

thank you for your support

[Tolou]

Who knows why he sent the emails C... . Whatever you think the reason is, in their mind it is completely being processed different.  The fact he is calling you names, he wants to atleast get you to respond back, good for you for being strong... .

Thats why there is no trying to figure it out with, it's irrational thoughts and behavior... . when you try to get thru,your left thinking, what the heck? why the f... . did I do this again, knowing that you know they are the way they are, even if other people don't.  Because their like that, with us... . Unbelievable... . But the sadness will pass with time... .

[corraline]

Yah, Im sad cause I spent three and a half years trying to get him to see that i did love him and had the courage to work through our issues. I m just not doing it anymore. I can't control how he feels. I know this now.

[LettingGo14]

I didn't respond. I was shocked to get these emails .  I wanted to defend myself, still want to but im not going to engage it.  Even though I am by the fact that i am being triggered right now. I've been doing the usual of trying to figure out what was going on for him to send these things etc. Back to crazy land again. Going to take care of myself today and tomorrow. I'm sad.

I am sorry you are in this position, but I am grateful you posted, and I think you made a good decision for yourself to "not respond."

You are doing good work, C.    Is there any way to block his messages?  If you have gmail you can set filters to send all emails from a specific person directly to "trash" so you don't need to torture yourself.

I also hope you have had glimpses of a good life on your own two feet, without the ex.   Personally, I've been trying to "visualize" my future where the wounds in me are healed, where I am smiling, and where I am at peace with what happened.   In those visualizations, there are no criticisms, blames, and shames that hurt my heart, distress my head, or trigger me.  

You are freeing yourself, Corraline.   You are doing the hard work, and we're with you.