Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
October 31, 2024, 06:22:42 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Reality is becoming a blur  (Read 438 times)
Loosestrife
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 612



« on: March 14, 2015, 04:58:54 AM »

My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have  any other diagnosis other than BPD. I am constantly validating and use the techniques. I am one person at home and another at work/ with others who live in the real world and are reasonable - How do people live this lie/double life?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Michelle27
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 754


« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2015, 09:12:03 AM »

Oh wow, do I ever understand that double life... .I lived it for the better part of a decade when my husband's mental health unraveled 9 years ago after we found out his son from his first marriage had been horribly sexually abused.  I  believe he was very high functioning BPD until then, but his son's abuse brought up his own childhood abuse and he snapped.  Finally now, he's working towards getting a diagnosis and treatment.  To the outside world, I am a pillar of strength and giving but in my marriage, for a long time I felt like a victim until I was able to do a lot of major inner work in the past few years.  It's hard, but I think the key is to work on being the same person in all parts of our lives.  Easier said than done, I know.
Logged
Riverrat
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Live in girlfriend
Posts: 96



« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2015, 10:05:16 AM »

Yes, I SOO get the double life. I can't be myself around dBPDgf, and I think she even recognizes this, but can't process that fact. She is constantly correcting me, and projecting like crazy as of late.

NO ONE believes what we go through, except maybe a T. Even went to my Mom's house with her this week, and she was the perfect gf in all regards, even offering to help mom with household projects, and talking 50's music with her. But in the truck on the way home she starts giving me crap.

Sometimes I wonder--If I came home one day and she was gone, how would I really feel? Could I go back to being my true self?

Logged
bluejeans
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Committed relationship for almost 9 years. We were officially broken up for 3 months a couple of years ago.
Posts: 92



« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2015, 11:09:34 AM »

It's so hard.  It is so comforting to talk to other reasonable people. I realize I can be myself and not so uptight about what to say - and it works out fine with them!
Logged

Loosestrife
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 612



« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2015, 05:38:38 PM »

I can relate to being criticised for using the wrong words or just for how my voive sounds. I'm fed up with 'illness' being an excuse. BPD isn't even an illness-  it's a disorder!

Logged
EaglesJuju
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1653



« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2015, 07:47:21 PM »

Hi Loosestrife, 

I understand how frustrating it can get coping with the behaviors.     It can take a toll on anyone.  What do you do to cope when your SO is acting a certain way?

My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have  any other diagnosis other than BPD.

How is your SO manipulating everyone?



Logged

"In order to take control of our lives and accomplish something of lasting value, sooner or later we need to Believe. We simply need to believe in the power that is within us, and use it." -Benjamin Hoff
JohnLove
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 571



« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2015, 07:50:28 PM »

I agree Loosestrife, it is mental "illness" in common parlance, but it really is the result of DISORDERED thinking and a DISORDERED state of being.

The more I experience and the more I read I am left wondering just how much is avoidable?, how much is manipulation?, and how much is the disorder?... .because I have experienced idealisation and pwBPD don't seem to have too much trouble with themselves or interacting with others then... .?
Logged
Loosestrife
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 612



« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2015, 03:12:34 PM »

Hi Loosestrife, 

I understand how frustrating it can get coping with the behaviors.     It can take a toll on anyone.  What do you do to cope when your SO is acting a certain way?

My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have  any other diagnosis other than BPD.

I try to use tools off here and not jump in  to rescue. It difficult when I see outright manipulation but if I mention it all hell breaks lose

How is your SO manipulating everyone?


Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!