A year out

[camuse]

Hi all 

It's more than one year now since the end of my BPD r/s and I haven't posted much lately, although I did a lot at the time, as I tried to work out what the hell had happened

For all of you still processing or new posters, I just wanted to come and say hi - I know how awful you feel right now, but really there is a future and it can be really bright.

I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, but I can also say it had been a very useful tool for personal growth. I had to accept my own part in enabling the behaviors and letting things get so out of hand, and then work out why I had done this, so make sure it could never happen again. The result of this has been a year of working hard on every aspect of myself and my life to be the best person I can be.

I'm still doing this, but I really have never felt strong as an individual. I've analysed all my own issues that led to me accepting such abuse, and worked on those. I've also worked on my body to start making it as good as it can be - healthy and strong. Have lost so much weight and gained some muscle, and look so much better. I dress better, treat myself, and do what I want to do, while not doing what I don't want. I try to treat people well but expect the same. It's all about self esteem basically, valuing yourself, and expecting others to do the same.

I'm much more complete as an individual now, and don't seek any validation from others. I'm VERY sensitive to red flags with anyone I date, and am very quick to move on when I see them.

If I met my ex now, she wouldn't get through the door. Mind you, she wouldn't pick me as an easy mark now I have no idea where she is or what she is doing, and I genuinely couldn't care less. I feel no hate towards her at all.

NC is the tool, no contact, no stalking, be good to yourself, and take things one day at a time. Do something for yourself each day, and become the best possible version of yourself you can imagine. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is.

Stay strong, start moving forward, and you too will soon be free 

[jhkbuzz]

Hi all 

It's more than one year now since the end of my BPD r/s and I haven't posted much lately, although I did a lot at the time, as I tried to work out what the hell had happened

For all of you still processing or new posters, I just wanted to come and say hi - I know how awful you feel right now, but really there is a future and it can be really bright.

I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, but I can also say it had been a very useful tool for personal growth. I had to accept my own part in enabling the behaviors and letting things get so out of hand, and then work out why I had done this, so make sure it could never happen again. The result of this has been a year of working hard on every aspect of myself and my life to be the best person I can be.

I'm still doing this, but I really have never felt strong as an individual. I've analysed all my own issues that led to me accepting such abuse, and worked on those. I've also worked on my body to start making it as good as it can be - healthy and strong. Have lost so much weight and gained some muscle, and look so much better. I dress better, treat myself, and do what I want to do, while not doing what I don't want. I try to treat people well but expect the same. It's all about self esteem basically, valuing yourself, and expecting others to do the same.

I'm much more complete as an individual now, and don't seek any validation from others. I'm VERY sensitive to red flags with anyone I date, and am very quick to move on when I see them.

If I met my ex now, she wouldn't get through the door. Mind you, she wouldn't pick me as an easy mark now I have no idea where she is or what she is doing, and I genuinely couldn't care less. I feel no hate towards her at all.

NC is the tool, no contact, no stalking, be good to yourself, and take things one day at a time. Do something for yourself each day, and become the best possible version of yourself you can imagine. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is.

Stay strong, start moving forward, and you too will soon be free 

Thank you for coming back to post! 

[DyingLove]

Yes! Thank you for posting. Inspirational and informational too!

NC is the tool, no contact, no stalking, be good to yourself, and take things one day at a time. Do something for yourself each day, and become the best possible version of yourself you can imagine. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is.

Kinda sums it up. No contact and No stalking!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Love hearing this!   Thank you for articulating that with work change (of self) happens.   I meet my new therapist on Fri and am ready to hunker down for the work and the change.   Can't wait.   I gave never been so motivated in my life.   Can't wait to report the same one year out!

[leftconfused]

This is good stuff!  Happy to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am doing exactly as you and taking this time to work on myself and my own issues (childhood traumas and codependent behaviors).  I don't know if I would have done this had it not been for my exuBPDbf.  Like you, it really made me question, why am I tolerating this behavior?  Why do I think I can't live without him?  Ironically I was super happy alone before I met him.  Was in the best place I had been in quite some time.  At four months in the first time he screamed at me and called me a C word I knew I needed to end it.  I had already seen other bizarre behaviors as well.  I left MY HOME the next day and stayed at a friends to think about it and boy did he ever turn on the charm and swore it would never happen again.  Well it did, over and over again.  I know this, it will NEVER happen to me again.  I have started putting boundaries in place in all aspects of my life and already feeling much stronger.

Thanks for coming back and sharing!  I love reading these stories!

[Pingo]

Hi Camuse, congrats on your 1 yr mark! What an inspirational post!

I am nearing the 1 yr mark (another 2 mths) and I feel similar. There's nothing more motivating than the worst pain I have ever experienced... .I never wanted to get myself into another situation like that again so I had to start digging deep to ensure that will never happen. I'm feeling more objective about my life than ever before. I agree with you, NC is the fastest way to recovery and healing.

Thanks for sharing!

[dobie]

I'm happy for you   I'm seven months out and tbh only feel marginally better than I did at two or three . I'm also seeing a T and working on my issues .

I'm still struggling with who she is to who I thought she was . as well as is she BPD or just emotionally immature with an anxious attachment style etc

[camuse]

I'm happy for you   I'm seven months out and tbh only feel marginally better than I did at two or three . I'm also seeing a T and working on my issues .

I'm still struggling with who she is to who I thought she was . as well as is she BPD or just emotionally immature with an anxious attachment style etc

I think you'll realise that it doesn't really matter who she is. Her action mattered, and who you are matters. The past is just memories. Its not about her its about you. Why did you accept this? And what will you do in future...

[Infern0]

Hi camuse I remember you from when I first washed up on this board almost a year ago. ... .sheesh

Great To hear you are doing so well. No contact really seems to be the key to recovery.

I rather foolishly kept contact over most of the last year and it wasn't good.  Lies,  manipulation,  arguments and false promises was all I got as I was used up further.  And it prevented me from doing the self worth required.

Still,  day 9 NC now and hope to get where you are.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Great To hear you are doing so well. No contact really seems to be the key to recovery.

I rather foolishly kept contact over most of the last year and it wasn't good.  Lies,  manipulation,  arguments and false promises was all I got as I was used up further.  And it prevented me from doing the self worth required.

Still,  day 9 NC now and hope to get where you are.

Inferno, a very wise and very dear friend used to say "Begin Again."  Thank heavens we can begin again each day, each moment of eachday.  Kudos to you for beginning again and being on day 9.  We can't get to day 365 if we don't get to 1 or 9 or 89.  Good for you and for all of us not giving up!

[camuse]

Hi camuse I remember you from when I first washed up on this board almost a year ago. ... .sheesh

Great To hear you are doing so well. No contact really seems to be the key to recovery.

I rather foolishly kept contact over most of the last year and it wasn't good.  Lies,  manipulation,  arguments and false promises was all I got as I was used up further.  And it prevented me from doing the self worth required.

Still,  day 9 NC now and hope to get where you are.

Not foolish. The first stage is getting to the point where you are ready for permanent NC, and maybe that took you longer. That's ok. But once you are really ready, there is no outcome but success. NC + time = guaranteed success, that's a wonderful thing And if you can't do it this time, that's ok too - worst that can happen is you are a bit stronger for the next attempt. But it's the only way out. Start a new life, one which revolves around you. I'd love to see you back here a year from now, fully recovered 

[razemarie]

I absolutely love this post! I just hit the one year mark myself. It's amazing to think back one year ago and see how far we have come. Like you, I have used this time for personal growth and self-care. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  They weren't kidding!  Congrats and best wishes to you.