Has anyone had an amicable split with their pwBPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi there

I was wondering if anyone has haf an amicable split with their pwBPD and how you went about this, what was said, and did you Stick to your decision (and not recycle)?

Thanks

[Loosestrife]

Hi there

I was wondering if anyone has haf an amicable split with their pwBPD and how you went about this, what was said, and did you Stick to your decision (and not recycle)?

Thanks

[valet]

Yes, to answer your question.

My split was relatively amicable, although I resisted her decision for a little bit.

I have not recycled, and absolutely will not.

I want a friendship, but I'll see if this is possible as different situations arise.

[peacefulmind]

Hi there

I was wondering if anyone has haf an amicable split with their pwBPD and how you went about this, what was said, and did you Stick to your decision (and not recycle)?

Thanks

Depends if the word 'amicable' can be taken at face value. My BU happened after I hadn't heard a word from my ex-BPD for several weeks. I was an emotional wreck, had lost 30 lbs of weight, and was very unstable to say the least. I broke up, and haven't heard a word since. Not a single retribution letter or anything. My ex-BPD went on with his/her life as if I never existed. All evidence is deleted of my very existence in his/her life. I guess it's as amicable as it can get... .

[once removed]

my breakup was initially amicable. ive read plenty of stories that were initially amicable until they werent. im speculating, but i think there arent a ton of people that ended up on this board because they had an amicable breakup. there are obvious exceptions, and stories of members having a more or less amicable breakup, but still with the need to understand what theyd already been through.

[zundertowz]

Im guessing theres a chance it may be amicale is they broke up with you and you justs accepted it... .I would like to hear a story were they were rejected and accepted this peacefully.

[valet]

Im guessing theres a chance it may be amicale is they broke up with you and you justs accepted it... .I would like to hear a story were they were rejected and accepted this peacefully.

This my own subjective personal experience, but my ex continued to resent the guys that dumped her, while always seeming to respect the ones that she dumped, on some level.

[myself]

my ex continued to resent the guys that dumped her, while always seeming to respect the ones that she dumped

That says a lot about the levels of final control being sought.

If her perspective is disordered, how can you be sure she's truthful?

My now-ex projected her negativity, and blamed me for the r/s not lasting.

In the end, she and I each feel we were dumped and did the dumping.

Was it amicable? No. We were both too hurt for that.

Is staying away/accepting it's over the best medicine? Most likely.

[dobie]

I tried to make it amicable but she went out of her way with such astounding selfishness again and again  while trying to justify it that I raged at her on a number of occasions no doubt what she wanted so she can play the pro victim of the mean bad dobie .

I hope karma bites her in the a@@

[valet]

my ex continued to resent the guys that dumped her, while always seeming to respect the ones that she dumped

That says a lot about the levels of final control being sought.

If her perspective is disordered, how can you be sure she's truthful?

My now-ex projected her negativity, and blamed me for the r/s not lasting.

In the end, she and I each feel we were dumped and did the dumping.

Was it amicable? No. We were both too hurt for that.

Is staying away/accepting it's over the best medicine? Most likely.

How can you be sure that anyone is truthful?

Some people have a higher propensity to lie. My ex isn't one of those people.

So it depends on the person.

[Loosestrife]

Thsnks for the replies

[gomez_addams]

Im guessing theres a chance it may be amicale is they broke up with you and you justs accepted it... .I would like to hear a story were they were rejected and accepted this peacefully.

Mine has the potential to be amicable.  We'll see when we mediate the financial settlement.

If she takes the money and runs, it'll be amicable.  If not, I'm moving out and letting the courts decide. 

I'll do my best to keep it amicable, but caving in doesn't work, and over the short term holding firm creates extinction bursts.  So it'll probably devolve into chaos within a few weeks.

I'll post updates.

Gomez

[ZeusRLX]

Mine was amicable in the sense that there were no threats, big drama or demonization campaigns.

Am I of very high opinion of her? No. Does she think I gave up on her and that I'm not reliable/trustworthy? Absolutely.

But there was no smear campaigns or anything like that.

She did try to recycle by writing to me under the pretense of remaining friends but when I ignored her she went away and its been quiet since then... .at least until now.

She never said anything bad about her exes, all of the splits in the past were pretty amicable and she didn't demonize them... .that is a big reason why I thought she didn't have BPD... .not demonizing the exes.

Well, she still has BPD... .but at least didn't demonize her exes... .so that seems to be what has happened with me as well.

[Loosestrife]

Good luck Gomez, keep us posted