Maybe its ME... maybe I'm the cause of this.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Her story was plausible.

Left feeling like an ass.

Now I'm wondering... .maybe its me!

I just dont know anymore... And I'm sick in my soul about it.

Sick in my soul because if it IS me... .then I just fckd it up

[JohnnyShoes]

Her story was plausible.

Left feeling like an ass.

Now I'm wondering... .maybe its me!

I just dont know anymore... And I'm sick in my soul about it.

Sick in my soul because if it IS me... .then I just fckd it up

[Lostone1314]

Her story was plausible.

Left feeling like an ass.

Now I'm wondering... .maybe its me!

I just dont know anymore... And I'm sick in my soul about it.

Sick in my soul because if it IS me... .then I just fckd it up

feel same bro but we cant go back only fwd... learn where you messed up if you believe you did and dont do it again... its all we can do... change ourselves... in time the sickness goes... i know cause the first time round 20 years ago i felt as i do now and it passed.

[BlackandBlue]

No... .its not you. What you are feeling is pretty normal. I'm guessing you are fairly fresh out of the relationship? I was just like you and was beating myself up because she had me convinced it was my fault (borderlines are pros at this) but once I started to understand BPD more and more things started coming together and making sense. Hang in there and go easy on yourself, it will get better.

[SGraham]

Her story was plausible.

Left feeling like an ass.

Now I'm wondering... .maybe its me!

I just dont know anymore... And I'm sick in my soul about it.

Sick in my soul because if it IS me... .then I just fckd it up

Hey don't worry about it, you did the best with what information you had. Think of how consistently inconsistent borderlines are, in the end its their perpetual erratic behaviour that messes things up not the occasional slip up from the non. 

[Mutt]

Her story was plausible.

Left feeling like an ass.

Now I'm wondering... .maybe its me!

I just dont know anymore... And I'm sick in my soul about it.

Sick in my soul because if it IS me... .then I just fckd it up

I understand.

A relationship takes two people.

What happened that has you feeling guilt?

[Lucky Jim]

I was just like you and was beating myself up because she had me convinced it was my fault (borderlines are pros at this) but once I started to understand BPD more and more things started coming together and making sense.

Well put, Black&Blue.  No, it's not you, JohnnyShoes.  That's what she wants you to think.  It's a manipulation, my friend, so don't fall for it.  (I did, years ago).  You're out front on this one because you know about BPD, so don't get caught in the web (I did this, too).

LuckyJim

[Madison66]

JohnnyShoes,

I think I understand how you feel.  Over the course of a 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf, I asked that question of myself over and over and over.  She would often say to me "I've never had these kinds of issues with anyone else in my past".  That wasn't true and then the push/pull, emotional abuse and other BS would continue and it got worse until I chose to leave the r/s for good.

I'm going to ask you a few questions that I asked myself at the end of my r/s:

1. "Play the movie forward" - can you accept her actions and treatment of you to continue down the road (1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years)?

2. Based on what she has demonstrated, do you think she can change to be the partner you want and need in a r/s?

3. Considering that r/s are two way streets, how do you feel you would need to act/react in this r/s to make it what you want or keep it harmonious?  Is that possible?

4. If you could spell out the r/s you want, what would it look like?  Can this r/s be what you are picturing? 

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but just encourage you to take care of yourself first and do what you need to do.  It is difficult or nearly impossible to do that when you are stuck in the FOG of a r/s like this.  Again, I lived it.  Please take your time... .

[Learning_curve74]

JohnnyShoes, it's called push/pull for a reason, and it keeps you off balance.

If you are sure you are not being treated in a loving and respectful way, then all the plausible stories in the world are just stories.

Only a bad liar tells stories that aren't plausible. Obviously, a good liar would tell you a story that is entirely plausible or they wouldn't be good at it!

Whether the story is true or not, are you happy with this relationship? Do you have a good idea what is going to happen next?

[JohnnyShoes]

JohnnyShoes,

I think I understand how you feel.  Over the course of a 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf, I asked that question of myself over and over and over.  She would often say to me "I've never had these kinds of issues with anyone else in my past".  That wasn't true and then the push/pull, emotional abuse and other BS would continue and it got worse until I chose to leave the r/s for good.

I'm going to ask you a few questions that I asked myself at the end of my r/s:

1. "Play the movie forward" - can you accept her actions and treatment of you to continue down the road (1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years)?

2. Based on what she has demonstrated, do you think she can change to be the partner you want and need in a r/s?

3. Considering that r/s are two way streets, how do you feel you would need to act/react in this r/s to make it what you want or keep it harmonious?  Is that possible?

4. If you could spell out the r/s you want, what would it look like?  Can this r/s be what you are picturing? 

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but just encourage you to take care of yourself first and do what you need to do.  It is difficult or nearly impossible to do that when you are stuck in the FOG of a r/s like this.  Again, I lived it.  Please take your time... .

Madison... .the answer to most if not all is NO.

[JohnnyShoes]

JohnnyShoes, it's called push/pull for a reason, and it keeps you off balance.

Learning_Curve74... .

Yes... .the feeling of not knowing where the hll I stand with her. Her words do not match her actions... .

And then there's days she does something that leaves me thinking (?)

Its like either she's ACTING... .and then takes a short break... .or She is completely bullshtting me without any reason to.

But yes... .she tries to draw me in... .then when she succeeds, she becomes indifferent.

Its like I'm supposed to just STAY and take my cues from her. Like I'm supposed to be available ONLY on her terms , times and needs

I'm left feeling Like a pair of shoes in her closet !.

[Pretty Woman]

Mine texted and formed a connection with my replacement behind my back. Then dumped me saying: I think you are capable of having a relationship, just not with me.

I love the "I think". Like she is capable and well maybe I am but it's beneath her.

There is a lot of projections.  She told me she was "setting me free".

What she really meant is she was setting herself free.