The other day, she told me that she was "a good and loving wife to me"

[Mr. Magnet]

and how i was so terrible, etc.

she seems to be in process of deluding herself into believing she was the poor victim and that she is normal during this period between nons.

It is such a crazy mental illness.

[once removed]

i imagine it feels kind of invalidating with regard to your perspective of the relationship. howd you respond?

[Itstopsnow]

I'm sorry she is saying that and acting that way. It is very invalidating . But like you said it's s very disturbing and sick mental illness. Remember it's about them, not us. We take it so personally . And it's so hard not to. But what they do and how they justify it . That is about them and their needs . They are operating on a level that is so primal for them! They are trying to survive . And feel good about themselves when they are so empty and alone inside . It's a selfish self consuming illness

[Mr. Magnet]

i imagine it feels kind of invalidating with regard to your perspective of the relationship. howd you respond?

after years and years of constant and systemic invalidation by both her and her family, i am used to it.  That said it's time to shake off this stockholm syndrome

as my therapist says, you aren't really angry with her, you are angry with yourself

[Mutt]

Did you angrily respond to your ex?

[C.Stein]

as my therapist says, you aren't really angry with her, you are angry with yourself

This is a question I ponder myself.  While I have good reason to be angry with her I also have good reason to be angry with myself.  Of course being angry doesn't solve anything so finding a way to turn the anger into something positive with respect to my own growth is what I need to focus on.

[Mr. Magnet]

as my therapist says, you aren't really angry with her, you are angry with yourself

This is a question I ponder myself.  While I have good reason to be angry with her I also have good reason to be angry with myself.  Of course being angry doesn't solve anything so finding a way to turn the anger into something positive with respect to my own growth is what I need to focus on.

The purpose of anger is to protect