Feeling so lost and empty

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just can't seem to get back to where I was before she verbally assaulted me. It seems like every time I start moving forward to a new stage of recovery I get knocked backwards. I can't wrap my brains around taking pleasure out of hurting. Her hurting me never stops. She booked her last block of vacation, last of her 3 blocks. I just went 3 weeks, had 1 access weekend and my Wednesday and she has another block and she booked it in a manner that I won't see s9 for 21 days. It kills me. She is throwing the family that should be mine, to another person. I was good to her before she left. We had our issues but like a T said, nothing we couldn't fix. She wouldn't budge, left instead. So for 8 years, 8 f####n years I poured my life into her poison black heart only to be treated like nothing over and over. She has her BF living in her house and making it a complete family. He seems to be taking great pleasure in it as well. She has a cruel way of making me feel like nothing, I can't explain it. I just can't shake the feeling that I was no good and now she's found the man of her dreams. I finally heard from s9 last night. That tears me apart as well, he makes no effort to contact me between access but is forever in contact with his mom on my access and now that he has a phone It texting with her and her BF. They are both texting him with play by plays of what they are doing. If I had a gf with children, wouldn't it be wrong of me to be texting her child about my weekend during the fathers access time. It seems like whining but all these little things never stop. She keeps chipping away at me in a most sinister way now she has an accomplice. This is also emotional abuse on s9 but it seems it doesn't matter whose in the path of her destruction of me.

[bus boy]

I just can't seem to get back to where I was before she verbally assaulted me. It seems like every time I start moving forward to a new stage of recovery I get knocked backwards. I can't wrap my brains around taking pleasure out of hurting. Her hurting me never stops. She booked her last block of vacation, last of her 3 blocks. I just went 3 weeks, had 1 access weekend and my Wednesday and she has another block and she booked it in a manner that I won't see s9 for 21 days. It kills me. She is throwing the family that should be mine, to another person. I was good to her before she left. We had our issues but like a T said, nothing we couldn't fix. She wouldn't budge, left instead. So for 8 years, 8 f####n years I poured my life into her poison black heart only to be treated like nothing over and over. She has her BF living in her house and making it a complete family. He seems to be taking great pleasure in it as well. She has a cruel way of making me feel like nothing, I can't explain it. I just can't shake the feeling that I was no good and now she's found the man of her dreams. I finally heard from s9 last night. That tears me apart as well, he makes no effort to contact me between access but is forever in contact with his mom on my access and now that he has a phone It texting with her and her BF. They are both texting him with play by plays of what they are doing. If I had a gf with children, wouldn't it be wrong of me to be texting her child about my weekend during the fathers access time. It seems like whining but all these little things never stop. She keeps chipping away at me in a most sinister way now she has an accomplice. This is also emotional abuse on s9 but it seems it doesn't matter whose in the path of her destruction of me.

[heartandwhole]

Oh bus boy,

I can feel the frustration in your post. That is a painful situation. I can understand your feeling lost without your son and seeing that kind of constant communication going on. I'm sure I'd feel that way, too. I'm sorry you have to go through this. 

Your self-esteem has taken a hit, as all of us on this board can relate to. You WILL recover, though. You can come out of this feeling better about yourself. I know it's hard. Try your best not to affirm your self-worth from outside sources. Know that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Just because you are.

What are your options in this situation?

heartandwhole

[bus boy]

Thank you. I'm taking her back to court and I've started limiting s9 phone access. After not having him for a 3 week span I feel it was pretty selfish of her and the BF to be texting s9 so much. I limited his phone time. She gets a good night call during access it'd in the order. I had to keep tight control of my phone. She would work on s9 to get him wanting to go home. He had his own phone now, I'm going to do the same as I did before he got the phone. If all he cruelty hasn't stopped yet it nit going to. I'm hoping to get a court order in place so I will never have to talk to her again. She is just way to toxic and horrible to talk to. She was always like this to me but since she met her BF she is absolutely horrible, sarcastic, mean, on matter what, she is always horrible to me. For no reason. I'm in major vent mode today. I might not make any sense and I'm not resentful of her BF, I just don't see why she's being so cruel. Why she gives him full father rights to my son and denied me everything. It's emotional abuse if s9 and I

[JerryRG]

Hey bus boy

I am sorry, I can relate to you but not on this scale, my son's mother keeps posting pictures of her and her bf with our son as if they are the perfect family. 2 people have made me aware of this, I've asked them to stop telling me. The thing is though that everyone just laughs at my exgf. She's known around our community and it isn't good.

They are trying to break us, why? In my case it's jealousy and resentment. Very childish behaviours in my opinion.

My heart goes out to you, your ex sounds like a very mean and disgusting person, as my ex was too.

Expect anything more and we just let ourselves be hurt, they will pay one way or another for the misery they dish out.

If you can, don't allow them the satisfaction of knowing they can affect you. Take the mouse away from the cat and the game is over.

If I could say what I really think about my son's mother on these boards I would be banned.

My pastors say she's pure evil, everyone knows she's sick, it will catch up to her, the mask wears out eventually and one day all they will have is a one room apartment full of cats and the cats will hate them too.

Get well bus boy, expect nothing from your ex but garbage, that's all her heart has to offer.

Before I forget, my exgf thinks I'm too "loving" as a father, we'll I'm sorry I love my children, I believe she is jealous of my style because her father walked away from her as a child and I'm sure she subconsciously is setting up this same senario for our son. But what do I know, I'm just grateful she's not my problem anymore and her lies fall on deaf ears, I'm stronger than her evil intent.

[bus boy]

Thanks JerryRG. I read your posts and know your heartache. I'm venting today and need to figure why, why I'm continuing to allow her to hurt me. Why she effects me so. I don't miss her in the least. Something is missing and I can't pin point it, I just can't quiet get to that point. Something I can't let go of.

[Mutt]

Hi bus boy,

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I'm not going through the sane thing with the texting as you are but my ex will try to message me through my D10's Kik. It's frustrating because she can see our conversations on her messenger, there's nothing to hide but I don't appreciate that she uses my D10's iPod to try to get in touch with me.

Sometimes my ex will ask if she can have the kids on my time if ger parents that live out of town come in for the weekend. Her parents are divorced and they'll come on separate weekends. What bothers me is how she doesn't put herself in my kids perspectives. You want to take their time away from dad and often I feel like I'm an object. She wants to take the kids because it validates her. I have a court order and I have explained to her that her parents are going to have to organize it so that they come down on her weekends and visit the kids then. She'll because she doesn't understand boundaries but I just ignore it.

She is just way to toxic and horrible to talk to. She was always like this to me but since she met her BF she is absolutely horrible, sarcastic, mean, on matter what, she is always horrible to me. For no reason. I'm in major vent mode today.

Don't worry about venting. I think that it helps to talk to people that understand what it's like to have a pwBOD in their lives. That said, my ex treated me with vitriol after she left me, it went on for several months but now she's fairly quiet. Minimal contact helped, boundaries helped a lot and she's slowly splitting me white and her bf black. He's the one getting it now, it doesn't happen all at once but the anger directed at you will eventually fade. Her bf will eventually be split black too and the anger will be directed at him.

[amunt]

" she's found the man of her dreams "

Yeah sure , give some time and you will see.

You are better without the demon, take care of yourself and
find a way to keep your kid, the Law must support you

[Turkish]

That you heard from your son is a break in the pattern,  yes?  How did that go,  how was he? 

[valet]

Hey busboy, I feel the same way sometimes too. More often than not these days.

But remember the message. There are a lot of us that have similar feelings, and I would only encourage them despite what I have to deal with. The world is bigger than us. And it's a happy thought to be grateful that we are even here on this earth. Maybe that mindset seems impossible, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.