SURVEY | What is the status of your relationship with your BPD?

[duncanville1]

NC since December of 2010, was rough for a couple of months, now could never go back:)

[BentNotBroken]

Holy necro-poll, batman! Way to bring back a still relevant thread. I guess the topic is still relevant, as there has been no instant cure for BPD since this poll first started.

I am longing for NC, but with a 1 year old son that probably won't happen for a while. She demanded I move out, trashed my reputation, destroyed my property, and is holding my son hostage. Whenever she is angry, I don't get to see my son at all. Hence, suing for full custody. And no, we are not sleeping together, but I try to be as nice as possible so she doesn't get upset and cut off time with my son. No choice but to kiss her evil behind until we go to court. Can't wait to present the truth about her before the judge and her parents.

[GreenMango]

Holy necro-poll, batman! Way to bring back a still relevant thread.

It's a classic... .what can I say.  It's good to know where people are at  . 

And, if you were on here from it's first go around it's good to see where you are at now.   

-GM

[rooftop]

NC for almost 6 weeks after she confirmed a new man that replaced me (long-distance guy with kids). Only contact was from her with with two txt messages about 1.1/2 weeks ago (inconsequential thanking me stuff for helping her thru her mums stuff & a follow up txt same day "BTW, hope you well ad that your life is good!" I deleted them with no response.

I dont need to see her as we had no kids together and i lived with her and her 2 amazing kids for the last two mths of the r/s... .She kickedme out in a rage and i found out after that she remet this guy when he was in our city 4 days before she kicked me out... .As she kept re-engaaging initailly whilst fostering her LD r/s with this guy and lied and denied it I eventually told her I never wanted to speak to her agian in any way or to see her... .NC works for me... I am strong but do miss her and yet i dont miss the abuse and crap that she went on with.


She does not kow where I an living and can only txt or call to which I would not respond anyway... Maybe she is getting the message OR is just blissfully in her honeymoon LD r/s phase and that works for her?

[GreenMango]

Rooftop,

Getting stronger and seeing the history/patterns in the relationship can help to maintain a more healthy place for yourself.

I hope it's going well.

GM

[rooftop]

Rooftop,

Getting stronger and seeing the history/patterns in the relationship can help to maintain a more healthy place for yourself.

I hope it's going well.

GM

Hi GM- I am very happy and in a great place now... .NC from the ex in almost 2mths since her voice MSG that I didn't answer OR return...

I have met someone amazing and we are taking it slowly but she is just an amazing woman and so grounded and real... I am in a blissful state now... .HEALED, not fully as will still take time... .but my new woman helps me through it all and knows about all of my past and I hers as she comes from a great FOO and has so many wonderful friends in her life...

Thanks for checking on me... .this site has been a godsend for me and was like a best friend during my arm times of 3months ago...

  Rooftop

[gettingoverit]

There is no status. . I have been NC since July of 2011. It was broken when my ex and her replacement showed up at my door at Christmas time, after I went right back to NC. I have been dating a really awesome woman for seven months now, who like rooftop comes from a pretty decent FOO (who's is perfect right?), and who consistantly shows that she is woman of integrity and honor. I couldn't ask for more... especially after living with lies, lies and more lies with my uBPDxgf. As for my ex, she is now married to my replacement, and hopefully they will be moving out of the province soon, so I will never have to deal with that crazy psycho again! Yeah! 

[flatspin]

Divorced since last December. I was waiting for a mail from the court in order to communicate the judgement to me so I can have much needed closure at last but it seems that that's not the way things are done in the USA. I was waiting in vain. Lately, I tried to get to the Court website from France in order to have a copy of the divorce sent to me but I have error messages whereas one of my friends in the USA can have access to it without problems. He sent me screen captures of the judgment page. Hope that I can pay online from France otherwise I'm in a fix to get a copy of the judgment through mail once I can find a way to access the website without problems.

[Validation78]

After a 5 month separation with very LC, via email only, and no talk of the relationship by me, our divorce was final last Tuesday. I am glad to have it behind me, and am ready to continue to work on myself with the support of friends and family. It was very hard at first, and was not long at all before I realized how much better my life is without him. There was never a desire to go back to what was clearly dysfunctional and detrimental to my wellbeing.

Now that our business together is done, so are "we". I wish him well, hope he finds what he wants in his life, and lives happily ever after. I don't hate him, not even close. I just don't want to know anything about him, and I sure don't want to see him or speak to him. Not because I'm angry. It's because I lived with drama and disorder long enough. It's not part of who I am or want to be, and I know this will always be what his life is, and I'll have no part of it, for my own good. He'll never understand this, and I will never try to explain it. He is not my friend, and there's just no point in maintaining any contact for me, and I won't. If he contacts me now, or in the future, I will not respond. I know myself well enough to know that doing so could put me right back where I was, and I'm too far away from there to ever go back!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[SurvivedLove]

I've voted "All communication severed 4 weeks or more  (separation initiated by me)".

On the 22nd of this month, it'll be 6 months since I last spoke to him.

Not since I heard from him, thanks to 'pocketcalls', prodding at friends, commenting and butting into my conversations with mutual friends etc.

But it'll be 6 months since I communicated with him in any way, shape and form. And I fully intend to keep NC.

I feel the same way about him as Validation78 does about her ex. I lived with the crazymaking, the drama, the pain, the sorrow, the hopes, the busted bubbles that always followed a good day and all the rest for WAY too long. It nearly killed me, literally.

And I have absolutely no reason to ever invite that kind of insanity back into my life, not even when my healing is done!

[Mr Hollande]

She introduced my replacement with glee in early May and I have not contacted her since. I have not blocked her in any way and although we are not friends on FB she can still see my wall. She's called several times and I've put the phone down without a word except twice where we spoke briefly and my response was cold hostility. I've had several PM's from her on FB which remain unopened. It should be about a month since I last heard from her. I know she's looking and is trying to find out how I am and what I'm up to and what little she knows comes from the scraps I feed her via my FB. I am firmly in control of that propaganda war and I take a certain joy from that. I have not forgiven her and I never will. I hate her.

[Blessed0329]

Other. It has been almost two years since we have seen each other face to face or even spoken on the phone. We have maintained sporadic email contact. We resumed being FB friends this past February, and we each occasionally "like" a photo or post by the other. He sometimes comments on a post of mine. I never comment on his. He does use FB to try to elicit specific responses from me, but I don't take the bait. It has become a pseudo-relationship in my opinion.

[Lolster]

Interesting results.  The nons appear to be in the lead with initiating NC, which is sad really.  The behaviour of the pwBPD sparks the abandonment they so greatly fear in the first place.

[Ihope2]

Other for me too:  All communication severed 4 weeks or more  (the idea of separation/divorce just seemed to evolve by itself, but then I took the ball and stumbled forward with it in my confused and distressed state.  I had reached burnout and subconsciously I realised that I needed to end the relationship for my own sanity).  We went separate ways end of March 2014, the divorce date was end June 2014.  ExBPDh last contacted me beginning of August via email to try to revise the terms of the divorce (supposedly in my favour, ie. that we agree to waive the monthly sum of money I will be paying him for the next months), which I read but did not respond to.  I have already paid a large sum of money in legal fees to get the divorce finalised, and to revise the terms in the divorce decree will only let him suck me back into engaging with him, and cost me even more money.  He can take the monthly donation that I am making to him for as long as it lasts.  It is ok with me.  I had to offer him something in order to help him move on and out of my life.  He did not even have the money to buy a bus ticket.

[Take2]

We have  communicated in the last 4 weeks (but none of the above)

I work with him.  It's incredibly hard to not communicate because of that.  Admittedly, I've been a huge part of that problem.  But have finally been able to get the okay as of today to work from home a couple days a week to help get away from him and be able to keep my job which is incredibly flexible.  I anticipate a reaction today when he realizes I'm not there and can't control me.

[Springle]

Have not spoken to her in a loong time. Thank God.

Was initiated by her though, once she started seeing my boyfriend she blocked me on all social media, didn't care about me and certainly didn't support me at all. Spiteful witch.

[imstronghere2]

Other.  All communication severed after divorce, 4 years ago.  We have two children, D20 and S14.  She gave up custody of our son who at the time was 11, in a heartbeat.  I gave her VERY limited visitation, once per week for 2 hours and a half day on Thanksgiving and a half day on Christmas.  That's it.  She has never even asked for the two holidays and has never spent more than one hour at a time with our son, and that was only about once a month.  She has since moved to another state (6 months now) and hasn't bothered to even call to talk to him and rarely texts.  Our daughter has severed all contact with her.

[SummerStorm]

I was discarded on June 16th.  Since then, I've received a card from her, along with three shirts she borrowed from me.  On the day I received the card, in which she wrote that I may not contact her or her boyfriend, I sent her a "thank you" text and received a reply.  She sent three replies to various texts, while ignoring others.  Then, she stopped replying completely.  I sent her an informational text the next day and asked her not to reply.  Earlier this week, I sent her a text, asking her if I could e-mail her with some questions, and she replied, "No."  I then told her to block me, so I'm not tempted to text her anymore. 

[rotiroti]

All communication severed 4 weeks or more  (separation initiated by me)

Drove away from a decade of friendship in early June and haven't looked back. The hardest part was when she wrote a sincere and clear-headed apology letter. When I didn't respond she even reached out to my parents and brother. Nope. I still get silent calls and texts here and there, but they do not bother me anymore.

I know that I can contact her again once I am ready. Time to continue healing and re-discovering myself!

[Jack2727]

Not a peep since January. Her friend briefly added the deadded me right before my birthday in April. She's long gone!

[HappyNihilist]

All communication severed 4 weeks or more (separation initiated by BPD)

Although I may have misunderstood - the relationship was ended by my exBPDbf, but the NC was initiated by me.

We were in low contact for almost a year after the breakup. Then I found out that he was engaged. Given that he'd been sending me yearning emails and even a poem he wrote about me (he's not a poem-writing type guy), I couldn't continue communicating with him knowing that he had pledged himself to another. That's not fair to her, to me, or to him.

And no, I have no intention of communicating with his fiancee. She's most likely already realized that something's off. They've been together since before we broke up 1 1/2 years ago, I found out (I knew he had someone else at the end but he implied later that it was over). She'll either stay with him or she won't, he'll either stay with her or he won't. I don't wish either of them any ill, but I do feel quite sorry for his fiancee - he's difficult to be in a relationship with, and if he ends it, well, he always does so badly. I hope he finds some measure of peace and happiness; he's one of the most tortured people I've ever met, and I really frigging hate that for him, because it has to be miserable.

If he contacted me in a neutral fashion, I would respond. But although I will probably always love him, even if he were single, I want nothing to do with him romantically. We're perfectly horrible for each other. We both deserve a chance to be happy and healthy.

[RandomName]

I opened this out of curiosity, certain that my status would fit into one of the more "negative" options, and instead I had to mark "slept together within last 4 weeks." Perspective. (Been no contact for three weeks.)