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Poll
Question: What is the current status of your BPD relationship? [for members actively in the disengaging process today only]
We cohabitated or slept together in last 4 weeks - 62 (13.7%)
We spent time together in last 4 weeks (but none of the above) - 35 (7.7%)
We have  communicated in the last 4 weeks (but none of the above) - 83 (18.3%)
All communication severed 4 weeks or more except for divorce/custody communications (separation initiated by BPD) - 20 (4.4%)
All communication severed 4 weeks or more except for divorce/custody communications  (separation initiated by me) - 23 (5.1%)
All communication severed 4 weeks or more (separation initiated by BPD) - 93 (20.5%)
All communication severed 4 weeks or more  (separation initiated by me) - 111 (24.5%)
Other (if you can't fit it above, please explain in a post) - 26 (5.7%)
Total Voters: 448

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Author Topic: SURVEY | What is the status of your relationship with your BPD?  (Read 19158 times)
G.J.
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 624


« Reply #60 on: February 28, 2009, 12:10:16 AM »

"We cohabitated or slept together in last 4 weeks."

I ended things with him for the 3rd and FINAL time on Feb 10th. Sent him an email on the 11th. I have been NC since. He has sent me 2 emails asking to meet so he can get the things he left at my place. I did not respond, and mailed him all of his things today with no note enclosed. (It only took so long because I've been out of town.)

We'll see what happens. In the past, he has refused to leave me alone. Maybe I'll get luckier this time... .
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mc_terminator
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Posts: 158


« Reply #61 on: April 12, 2009, 01:32:08 PM »

have been no contact for about a month and a half now. it was hard to begin with and i felt pretty low but now im feeling alot better, my heads alot clearer, more intouch with reality... it took about a year out of my life but i do not regret it, ive learned  invaluble things about myself and relationships... i should of never of been giving that much of myself so quick... to anyone, let alone a depraved mentalist spawn of satan! i think the people i find attractive now has completely sswitched around... healthy, sweet, cute, and giving off good vibes never really used to do alot for me... .now its definately what im after! the sick needy moody ones can please stay the away from me!

im kind of glad that i initiated the no contact to... she definately got the message and when the inevitable happens and she re-engages im  hitting that delete button!
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MxMan
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 309


« Reply #62 on: July 15, 2009, 10:46:39 AM »

hoping i selected the right choice (no contact 4 weeks or more, separation initiated be BPD). The break-up was initially her decision & amicable at first, but I kicked her out after finding out about infidelities. The intense re-engaging began after that. lots of calls lots of emails until I went NC and put blocks on phone and email.
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figurin things out
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: living with bf
Posts: 73


« Reply #63 on: July 15, 2009, 10:47:50 AM »

We're on day 3 of NC. He moved out 3 days ago, so everything is very raw right now. I'm hurting quite a bit so I'm sticking to this board and some other techniques NOT to draw myself into a re-engagement.

So "We cohabitated or slept together in the last 4 days, nevermind 4 weeks"! But it's been 4 years in coming... .

The break-up was his idea, I could never get myself off of that drug - I swear I'm addicted to that poisonous relationship.
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MaybeSo
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Together five years, ended suddenly June 2011
Posts: 3680


Players only love you when they're playing...


« Reply #64 on: July 15, 2009, 11:24:11 AM »

ON FEb 16 of this year... .I was still broken up w/ bf and repsonded to this post... .I talk about my co-dep tendancies and how nice it is to be away from his incessent negative complaining... .

By March I was back with him again, giving it yet another try... .

Today is July 15 and I'm attempting No Contact and have moved everything of mine out of his house, have only had one short phone chat, otherwise no contact since July 3rd when I walked out.

Crazy.
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freshstart12
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 305


« Reply #65 on: July 15, 2009, 12:21:29 PM »

My BPDxbf broke up with me a little over a month ago and the last I heard from him was an e-mail about two weeks ago. I tried calling him after reading it but he didn't answer. Nothing since. Most of the time I'm certain I'll never hear from him again, followed immediately by thoughts of, ":)on't count on it - he'll probably come back when you least expect it."

Hardest darn thing I've ever been through and I want him to call every day. I know though that the longer it takes him to re-engagement (which I have to assume he will at some point) the more time that gives me to get to where I need to be in order to say no when he does come back around. It's like a race against a clock that may or may not have started ticking!

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toughenough
**
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Posts: 79


« Reply #66 on: July 15, 2009, 01:05:27 PM »

My uBPDxbf and I only broke up a short time ago.   We *have* to be on a good communication ground with each other somehow, because we now work in the same industry, and professional communications are an essential.  (I got a decent job offer and took it.)

So, tonight, we are going to try and work the communication boundaries out like adults, over dinner.   

I don't hold out any hopes of getting back together, as I've discovered that (a) casual dating can be fun when done with other people and (b) that I was right... my cat *does* make more sense than my xbf ever would!   Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

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innerspirit
********
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: (after 19-yr. marriage) separated 12/08, divorce settlement reached 1/11, NC
Posts: 4859


« Reply #67 on: September 22, 2009, 11:43:53 AM »

Where are you in your relationship today?

All communication severed  except for divorce/custody communications  (separation initiated by me)

Thanks for the followup.

I.S.
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canadaguy98
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 259


« Reply #68 on: September 22, 2009, 01:41:09 PM »

broke up just over a week ago, decided to be friends, during that time i figured out that she had been cheating on me exactly as I thought, we went NC as of last thursday
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curlywurly

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: living togther 8 years
Posts: 39


« Reply #69 on: November 30, 2009, 12:38:07 PM »

Other category reasons;

We are living in the same house which is also our business. Lived together 8 years joint ownership of property & business

Separation initiated by me.

Have maintained NC for 6 weeks (we are living in separate ends of the house)  Me avoiding getting sucked into debates, arguments, whole plethora of manipulations the list of these is truly mind bogglingly awesome. He gets ignored or very curt answers to questions.  I leave a room when he walks in. I a manage the business side of things, and am managing the house sale. housing market very depressed at the moment so may be in for a bit of a wait.

Trying to focus on this stage as not so  awful, gives me time to rest & heal, pause before the next set of hurdles. Putting LOTS of time and energy into doing things I love, enjoying the freedom of not being mind, body & thought controlled. Keeping fingers crossed he will quickly find another person to attach himself to ( gives me the guilts this thought, hopefully she will have the sense to enjoy the honeymoon stage then move on)

CW
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jalk
********
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1853



« Reply #70 on: December 02, 2009, 07:02:04 AM »

Interesting Poll Skip.
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LeroyBrown
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Single
Posts: 313


WWW
« Reply #71 on: February 02, 2010, 04:36:46 PM »

All communication severed 4 weeks or more  (separation initiated by me). Day #78 NC (5 text re-engages from her - did not respond to) and inertia is growing each day.
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TonyC
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: single
Posts: 10401


WWW
« Reply #72 on: February 02, 2010, 04:38:18 PM »

who?
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lifeisgoodx10
******
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: divorced
Posts: 832


« Reply #73 on: February 02, 2010, 04:51:41 PM »

We were seeing each other maybe once every other week and yes we have had sex once in the last four weeks. His drunken phone rage spurred the decision to go completely NC. I was putting off the inevitable.  I left him in June of '09 and our divorce was final September. I was NC for several weeks (in fact over two months) unti he showed up at my door crying and begging. It has now been 12 solid days NC. And today has been the worst day of those twelve.
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Satori1964
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 121


« Reply #74 on: February 03, 2010, 10:39:31 AM »

No contact since December 17, 2009.  48 days or about 6 weeks.  Last meeting was my infamous 'birthday dinner' were she served me her full BPD rage that night.  Her actions finally confirmed what I suspected all along, that she may be suffering under BPD. In hint sight, she made NC easy for me.

- Ciao
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theridler
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Single
Posts: 419


« Reply #75 on: February 03, 2010, 10:44:04 AM »

Nonexistent!

Smiling (click to insert in post)
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lifeisgoodx10
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: divorced
Posts: 832


« Reply #76 on: April 25, 2010, 09:14:12 AM »

 

Excerpt
Other (if you can't fit it above, please explain in a post) 



 

I left the marital home June 1, 2009. Divorce was final September 17, 2009. All communication severed over three months ago. I'm having a rough time now for about 4 days. I've been ruminating and having crazy BP dreams about xbph.
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DAS
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Never married
Posts: 1868


« Reply #77 on: April 25, 2010, 09:24:30 AM »

Mine is tricky. I kicked her out March 17th and the last message I send to her was on the following weekend. She has subsequently sent me two messages - which I have not read - and shown up with her new guy in two places it was reasonably sure I would be. Not sure if she actually saw me but I certainly saw them. But I picked 4 weeks severed iniated by me.
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hiddenlizard
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 227


« Reply #78 on: April 25, 2010, 09:35:56 PM »

slept together a week or so ago, spent some time with him recently but no sex, I think I am making progress
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C12P21
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« Reply #79 on: April 26, 2010, 01:11:01 AM »

We have been limited contact for almost six months.

I contacted him last week (email) about a legal matter we need to address, his response was two words. It is hard to settle the issue when he won't communicate about the terms of the agreement.

I decided to send a registered letter and fulfill my legal obligation, after that, I'm done.

There will be no more reason for limited contact and we will be completely N/C.

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Honeybee
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 143


« Reply #80 on: April 26, 2010, 07:43:56 PM »

5 weeks and 3 days no contact.  He started again with his "I don't know if this is what I want" crap which has happened at least 20 times, probably more in the past five years. I broke it off officially (for at least the 20th time). We maintained contact for two months. He started seeing someone else and the day after I found out, I changed my number, blocked facebook/email.

I also would like to thank this site and everyone on it. I have never felt so committed to maintain NC, and no doubt I would have texted him weeks ago if not for this place.
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clean slate
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: married just over three years; living apart nearly five months
Posts: 565


WWW
« Reply #81 on: May 27, 2010, 09:23:18 AM »

In the poll, I selected Other.  This is because HE (not WE as the poll selection states) has continued to try to make contact with me via e-mail and phone calls to friends/family.  I have not responded.  The separation/leaving was initiated by me.  I left nearly three months ago.  The last time he tried to make contact with me was via telephone last Friday afternoon (May 21).
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lostoc
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 425



« Reply #82 on: October 20, 2010, 11:02:06 AM »

I am currently cohabitating with uBPDw. Things are not going to work out and I am working on timing. I need the divorce documents signed and I can't have her rage and smear - so I need to push her to the point where she is miserable (all the time) but specifically with the relationship so when I suggest leaving I a black and she feels she is better off on her own.
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Blythe1976
****
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: Separated from BPDh on August 14, 2010, then re-engaged for a few weeks after that, and finally left for good on September 11. Just trying to get by hour by hour, day by day...
Posts: 338


« Reply #83 on: October 20, 2010, 11:08:42 AM »

I clicked "Other" so for further explanation:

• Got married in March of this year, and I left him about 5 weeks ago

• Limited contact, only about "practical" matters (ie. a cell phone purchased on my eBay account that he had to return, some DVDs of his that I had... .that kind of thing)

• I would describe us as "separated and estranged"
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SOOOdone
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: single
Posts: 869



« Reply #84 on: September 01, 2011, 05:40:43 PM »

Was in couples counseling with BPD/Trauma specialist and making minor headway and I realized what a LOONG road I was looking at even IF the therapy continued to be helpful.

I threw in the towel July 16 and have been NC since. No contact from his end either (unusual but merciful).

Don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did in the first break up two years ago. Certainly have no urge to contact or reconnect. The disease finally ran its course.
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diotima
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2808


« Reply #85 on: September 02, 2011, 10:18:14 AM »

Mine is more than four weeks NC but ending doesn't fit in these categories. He started new r/s and I sensed it and wouldn't meet him at a conference--had to deal with my mother's end of life issues. Then his r/s blew up and he wanted me back and I said "No." but the ending was happening on both sides in a messy way.

Diotima
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C12P21
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2512



« Reply #86 on: September 04, 2011, 06:59:59 PM »

We are in complete N/C with the exception of one legal matter. There is no communication but we have a third party that handles the situation. The third party and I never discuss the issue, I just send information. That is all.

C
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Clearmind
Retired Staff
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5518



« Reply #87 on: September 04, 2011, 08:45:00 PM »

NC since beginning of June - and no urge to contact. He has tried contact through friends on more than one occassion since then - there reply "She is fantastic" and thats it - much to his surprise.
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northerndragon
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: no longer together, since Dec. 2010
Posts: 197



WWW
« Reply #88 on: September 05, 2011, 04:14:25 PM »

She was NC for almost four weeks (this includes with her children) then out of the blue she emails me to ask for more of the stuff she has left here and to say she wants to be in the kids' lives--but again tries to make me the responsible party for her involvement, saying she has no money, would prefer I called her for the kids, etc.

I responded to say I would be happy to drop off more of her stuff as I would be passing through on the weekend, and that some of the things she was requesting were in boxes I had dropped off months ago. I stopped and carried her stuff in, there was no drama; it took all of ten minutes.

I later replied to the rest of her message and sent a polite-but-uncompromising email about her seeing/contacting the kids (ie: her responsibility to do her half). No response, so no contact again for a week now despite the claimed desire to get involved. Noticing this professed desire to see the kids is cyclical, every couple months she brings it up, followed by (excuses and) no actual action.
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SOOOdone
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
What is your relationship status with them: single
Posts: 869



« Reply #89 on: September 05, 2011, 05:03:56 PM »

Oh and this week marks 7 weeks NC. No contact from him although he lives 3 miles away.

It's really the first time he's respected my wishes... .ever.
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