I’m nervous about today

[Pinkcamellias]

I frequent this forum when I feel like I’m loosing my mind and need reminded that I’m not alone. I feel like im on edge today in particular because I have to make it through a 16 hour car ride (we leave tonight) and my husband has been splitting.
I’ve been walking on egg shells for years. I go to work, nest a lot, tend to the kids and try to keep to myself . Outside of work, and getting my kids to birthday parties and the occasional extracurricular activity, my life is very monotonous.Primarily because I work a lot to make ends meet, I don’t have friends and keep my family at a healthy distance. The more i interact with people (outside of the kids the) the more he is triggered and I feel like I “pay for it later”. I journal and pray alot and honestly just live my life 2 steps ahead so I can get by. My personality type does not align with what I put up with and the only reason I’m still in this relationship is because every time I leave I’m dependent on others helping me (which doesn’t last), he acts like the good guy so I just look like I’m putting my kids through an ordeal unnecessarily and he stalks me.My plan is to leave when my kids are all over 18 so I can disappear. They’ll know where to find me but he won’t .
I’m worried about the car ride which  is to my son’s graduation. I really want to see my son walk so I’m determined to push through whatever mental torment comes my way for my kid. But it would be nice to not have to worry about such things !
 Thanks for allowing me to vent !