Do I stay or do I go?

[Green Penguin]

Today, like most days, I did something that made my husband split on me. Today it was that I didn’t walk the dog with him and that we had not been physically intimate. The list could go on and on. Quite frankly, I’m tired of fighting in my head and with him. He said some very harsh things yesterday and when he was done ranting, my thought was “I’m done”. The things he said made me see him differently. Everything is my fault. Now, I am not perfect and have an avoidant personality so I would keep things from him to keep the peace. I now realize that by doing so it is a form of abandonment. That never made sense to me until about a week ago. We have seen two therapist who never diagnosed him. It was my personal therapist who first said she thought he may have BPD. After her assessment it all made sense. The new therapist we are seeing hasn’t diagnosed him but she specializes in BPD. He has tried Ketamine with some success but it really takes it out of him physically. He vapes weed incessantly. Just trying to figure this all out and if
It’s worth staying. The guilt I feel over the issues I have caused and being one more person to abandon him is a little overwhelming. Yesterday the thought came to me that the pain of staying is more than the pain of losing him, my home, being alone, financially devastated, and starting over. I just see the little kid in him that needs protection. Any advice would be helpful.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hey Green Penguin and

Glad you found the group; I know what it's like to be really needing advice and support when BPD might be in the mix.

How long have you and your H been together? Do you have any kids?

How long do his "rants" usually last? Do you typically stay there to listen to him "rant"?

It can be really helpful to have a T who is aware of BPD, regardless of whether the T "officially" diagnosed the person or not, because the core issue is behaviors, not necessarily a label. Is the T you guys are seeing a marriage/relationship therapist? Does your H seem to get along with the T (so far)?

These are not easy relationships so it's good that you're here, and that you have a personal therapist. Fill us in some more, whenever you get a chance--

kells76