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Author Topic: New here, I think my x has BPD. Break up, protection order etc  (Read 608 times)
Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« on: March 30, 2017, 12:40:33 AM »

Hello All,
I'm new to this site, after doing some googling I think I just got out of a relationship with someone that has BPD.  To summarize a long series of ups and downs , breakups and make ups.
Knew them for four years during that time they acted normal, sure they were quirky and shy, but seemed mentally ok.

We became close end of last year, that is when they told me that they gave up on life six years ago and became reclusive and thought they were too far gone to date, but later that night they somehow found me on eBay and sent me a msg.

For about a week msgs back and forth , sometimes talking in person as well.  But I noticed sometimes they wouldn't always reply to me.

When I questioned this, they saw me in person and told me to stay away from them, that they are not right in the head, me being confused asked questions... they said they have rage issues like their father and they will end up hurting me as that's all they ever do.   I was stunned and hurt , so later I texted them how upset I was ... those went ignored

Two days later I get a text saying all of that was a lie to scare me off and told me the real truth was they were sexually assulted

So I believe them, and tell them I accept them for who they are etc and we go to lunch.
Well during lunch they tell me one family member wants to find me and beat me up, another thinks I'm nutz and a third thinks he needs a restraining order... they play it off as a joke due to me sending upset texts after their outburst I mentioned above

That was my first flag I should have ran and never looked back

One night they told me what I now think is truth they suffer from depression and a personality disorder and we're seeking help for it . They were stunned I did not break up with them
There were times I would be upset about something and text them about it... well not realizing they would read the texts over and over to reinforce what a horrible person they were etc.   I was dumped via text so coldly out of the blue one day
And so it all began
The push pull
I think I was broken up with just about every Friday always usually after they were up n down during the week and I voiced how hurt I was. One time they showed up mid day and dumped me and later said it was the medication. As it made them feel nothing

They told me they had voices always telling them how he would hurt me, and how horrible he is, they can't sleep, they have anxiety and fear when out in public and need alcohol to cope ,
I was very supportive despite them feeling I deserved better, I felt better when with them, no other guy was so attentive to me... .when he was great things were wonderful. But they often would feel indeserved better, and their up n downs was abuse, and they didn't know how to interact with people anymore.
They would say they felt good knowing I felt good... .but it was never they were happy etc.
And odd expression of emotions.

It all ended horrifically a few weeks back to make a long story short it was again after he did something that upset me, dropping me off early and not caring to take me to dinner... .he never would tell me hey look I'm having anxiety while out , I just felt ditched.  I finally said to him look I have a lot going on in my life it seems your online world means more to you right now I just need us to take a break for awhile and contact me when you have decided to leave the fake life.

Well no reply from him, so I call him and he dumps me, says he feels no connection or feelings for anyone and it's not fair to me to keep doing this... .well I freak out because we had just been intimate, I said I felt violated and was going to let his family know he threatened to blow his head off.

To make a very long story short a few days later he texts that he still feels for me , but that how I sent numerous texts and contacted his mom that he filed a police report and is going to get a restraining order and is sorry I hurt but it's not right I want him to loose everything.
I replied that I too would get one as now I fear him and he has an arsenal of weapons at his home .
He calls that nite repeatedly and texts asking what he can do to let us move on in peace.  I ignored it and he wrote he wasn't getting the restraining order.    So I gnored it for a day and wrote a very nice text reply telling him that what he could do was get psychiatric help and continue with therapy that I could no longer help him, and I need to tend to my own life etc.  even signed it with kisses.

Next day cop banging down door with my order

Two days in court... x wants the RO dropped ... .I of course feel unsafe and have to fight to get just four months of protection.  

I fight with missing him, to fearing him.   It's like nothing I've ever gone Thru.  I left out so many details, but this is fairly long.
Do these up and downs, sayingbthey fear me, that I would hurt them like others have, over reaction to texts that aren't meant as mean, two personalities, does this sound like BPD?  
Because they are also my mailman and still allowed on my route and I'm around during the day... all of this is so much worse.  I will be moving soon... .

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Larmoyant
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« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2017, 06:18:47 AM »

Hi Idsrvt2, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but welcome to BPD Family   

It sounds like you’ve gone through the dreaded push/pull which is traumatising and confusing to experience. Much of your story resonates and it sounds as if your partner does have behaviours consistent with BPD. You’ve found a great place to help you understand what you’ve been through and members here will help support you.

Are you afraid of your ex physically hurting you? What’s the situation regarding obtaining an order of protection against him?  I can imagine you’d be fearful given he’s also your mailman. Could you stay with family or a friend until you move?
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Idsrvt2
****
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2017, 09:36:15 AM »


Thanks for your reply.  I'm waking up from yet another dream about him, it seems the dreams just don't stop. 
The protection order is only temporary as that is the agreement we reached after two days and ten hours in court.   He refused to settle with me on six months protection, which is still baffling... .so my attorney prepped me for trial.   I had to fight my attorney to make her go back to his side and say we want longer... she finally did.  Then the judge had a side bar with the attorneys and my attorney came back out and said we are going for four months but that's all his side will agree on it's four months or trial and the judge has indicated he could drop both orders... .
So we settled on four months

I saw the x in the hallway before we went back into Court , and I think he knew I meant business as I saw him approach his attorney and next I knew they were meeting with the judge.
If neither party breaks thisnorded it's dropped in July.

The x said to me in a text before the PO "you know I wouldn't come near you". That's scary to me.   His guns were supposedly all taken and are being held by the sister .

I'm not so much afraid of him as I feel like I'm trapped in my home and he was allowed to stay on this route like he did nothing at all wrong. I live in a small development where he spends the majority of the day.

 I now have to go out of my wY to the post office to drop packages off and pick up my mail.  I stay inside like a trapped rat , I can use the shopping center etc.   His attorney made those provisions at the first hearing where I had no attorney... .about the mail and him being allowed to be on the route, his side wanted him to be allowed to deliver my mail... .it literally is insanity... .here is my x supposedly afraid of me enough to get the PO but wants to deliver my mail!
that was an interesting day as he tried to intimidate me to drop my order and even spoke for me to the judge.  The Jude reprimanded his attorney. 
I'm disabled as well , and all of this has been a lot to deal with... .he dumped me as I laid in bed in pain after having treatments for my neck. But supposedly feels so much for me and feels so terrible. 

I can't imagine he does not know he has BPD,  I mean he knows he's bad enough he rushed to a psychologist and told his work... .he also wanted us to take a break until he sorted his head out, but we got back together.  He once said he doesn't kill himself because that would mean he would stop hating himself, and he will be haunted for quite sometime about getting involved with me.
He found me at a low point, under high stress , even asked me to move in with him, then changed that a week later because he said he like to have space too much.
I doubt he will ever break free from that room and that internet... .he sleeps in a floor next to an online waterfall drowning out the thoughts telling him he's horrible.
He also was transgender, I say was as I've read with BPD they have identity issues... .what he considers his female persona is the best one, supposedly he was her all the time for years but then went reclusive as he felt he could never pass.
So there I was accepting of all that and I'm kicked to the curb, labeled a stalker, that I harassed him and his mother etc.  it's hurtful beyond words

It's all confusing, as I'm not sure why he wanted less time on the PO, was it to get his guns back or to be able to talk to me... .I will never know.

I see him again in July for court.  An agoraphobic who can sit in a room with hundreds, really makes no sense.
I guess I can only hope he's still going to the psychologist and getting the help he knows he needs before he hurts someone this badly again.



Hi Idsrvt2, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but welcome to BPD Family   

It sounds like you’ve gone through the dreaded push/pull which is traumatising and confusing to experience. Much of your story resonates and it sounds as if your partner does have behaviours consistent with BPD. You’ve found a great place to help you understand what you’ve been through and members here will help support you.

Are you afraid of your ex physically hurting you? What’s the situation regarding obtaining an order of protection against him?  I can imagine you’d be fearful given he’s also your mailman. Could you stay with family or a friend until you move?

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Idsrvt2
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2017, 12:40:08 PM »

So I was just laying down still in bed... .not too functional yet today and I hear a noise on the porch and I think oh no it's him... .so I'm slowly walk towards the window and look outside and it's my cat. He caught a bird.
I'm having just a really rough gomof things emotionally the last 24hrs... .I'm on that time of the month and I hope that is contributing.

I keep thinking I just wish he could have been normal ... there were the nice days he would stop and say hello at my door , but when I think of those I think of the bad times where he would stop and dump me just before I was to start work... .he of course should not have been stopping at my door while delivering mail.

I just don't know why I always tried to push him away and say it wasn't working and try and break up... .
I keep reminding myself how strong I am to know all I need to do is walk outside and I could make contact... .
I have so much of my life I need to take care of, a major move that I now need more time with as I'm rehabbing a floor in a house prior to moving.  I was supposed to move in with him... he was supposed to help me pack.

Instead I'm left , left during one of the most difficult parts of my life.

I keep also reminding myself I must work on me and be strong for the court date in a few months time... .   while I don't want to move from here because I love the neighborhood... .I know it's probably for the best as any close contact would risk getting involved again.

I just wish he knew how much I hurt and the destruction he caused with gettingbthe protection order on someone already struggling so much.

Thanks for letting me vent ... no one understands
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