Have you betrayed your BPD loved one?

[Imsosad]

I was in touch with her again. We've had many in and outs.  I lied to her about a few things I did when she broke up with me and she never lets me forget. Has anyone ever lied/betrayed their loved one and if so, what were the consequences?

She reminded me constantly and never believed I was sorry no matter what I did or said. How do I make this right? My son's dad contacted me after 2 years of being gone. I was very honest with her about him calling but she accused me of being shady and left. She blocked my number. Never even asked more about it. I didn't want to talk to him and I'm still accused of being shady all because I lied in the past  help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

I"m sorry you are going through this imsosad. It's difficult to handle accusations when you know that you did nothing wrong. In these moments, I've found that the best thing to do is to state your facts calmly and clearly. "I did not ask my ex to call me. I am not hiding anything. I don't like being accused of doing things I didn't do." Then end the conversation. If he tries to continue the conversation, then disengage from it by going for a walk or leaving the house for a bit.

[Mutt]

Hi Imsosad,



I agree with Tattered Heart to not JADE ( Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain ) say things once, maybe twice, let your words stand, you need two people for conflict. If my ex believes that the sky is red, I know differently, I know that I won't be able to convince her otherwise, how someone perceives something is different than what the next person perceives. Reality is open to debate. Emotions and feelings are real, with that in mind you can try to validate, as long as it's something that's valid. So be it that my ex believes that the sky is red.

We've all told fibs, little lies or big lies, but does that make us bad people? A pwBPD have a really difficult time with the grey area in life, a good person has bad qualities and a bad person has good qualities, remember your good qualities too. A pwBPD will also give you mostly negative feedback about yourself, it's important to get feedback from friends, family and members here because if the feedback about is mostly negative, that's a distorted perception, I can see how uncomfortable being accused of being shady would feel but that's not the real you.

Don't "JADE" (justify, argue, defend, explain)