I'm needing support/advice

[trying2bhumble]

My wife has BPD but not officially diagnosed. Psyche thinks therapy will fix it.
I read the book "stop walking on eggshells" and realized that I am not living MY life fully while trying to run interference for my  wifes outbursts of anger and emotional hostility.
I understand that my wife hears messages very differently than what is being communicated so I don't respond negatively to it but I have no idea if its even possible to diffuse the anger she exhibits.
This runs in her family too.
I want to ask the questions Is this genetic? Does this show up later in life normally? (My wife remembers when she went to school, got her nursing license (which she has since lost) and when she used to run her own restaurant (which now she can even get a job working IN a restaurant)
I fear my daughter has this beginning to develop in her as well. She's 21 and beginning to exhibit the same behavioral patterns of her mother. She is not my biological daughter and I have no children of my own with my wife due to health reasons.

I am grateful to have found this group. No physical groups are available to me so I thank anyone who can give me advice and assistance in protecting my own identity in this relationship.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Trying2bhumble! 

Thank you for reaching out to our online family.  You'll find lots of other members here who are struggling with many of the same issues that you are. How long have you been married? It sounds as if you are in T, and that you are searching and asking questions. Kudos to you for that! 

It really comes as a huge surprise, doesn't it, when we suddenly realize that we have been neglecting ourselves to take care of the feelings and emotions of the one we love? I had no idea how much I'd lost myself into the unhealthiness of what was going on around me. My mind said I was doing a good job of smoothing things over, 'helping' my DH and my uBPDm, and then I found myself sinking into my own depression and sadness that would not go away. That's what started me asking questions and beginning my own journey of saving myself so that I could survive my marriage.

There are different answers as to if BPD is genetic or not. I will post a link to one of our workshops that you can read when you have time:

What is the cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?

Often the children of a pwBPD will exhibit similar symptoms. Because of their great need to survive, they adopt the projections which are so readily shared by the parent, and they can show some of the same behavior but not be BPD. I know that many of us on the Coping and Healing Board who have had a BPD parent often fear we also have BPD. Usually it is not the case, and the behaviors can be helped a lot through T.

What are you doing to help with your self care?

Wools

[Mutt]

Hi Trying2bhumble,



I'd like to join Woolspinner2000 and welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm glad that you have found us! I'd also like to echo Woolspinner2000, I was my exuBPDw's helper and fixer and became enmeshed in the r/s and started to feel like I was losing my sense of self and became even more anxious and depressed. I take care of my depression and anxiety today with meds, exercise, a lot of self care by spending time family, friends and doing things that I enjoy. Self care helps you to nut burn th candle at both ends, it's really important when you have a loved one suffering from mental illness.

Your D could be developing BPD or it could be what some people call fleas, when we're around people long enough we can pick up their habits and traits, I know that my black and white thinking was severe when we were together, I was also not taking care of myself too, so there's that.