When will I learn

[dejavooh]

Ok well having had an on/off relationship with my now wife for the last five years we have hit a new low. Recap: she was diagnosed five years ago with BPD, she 56,  and had 18 months of MBT. The therapy reduced the suicidal feelings, the dissasociation and the hallucinations. The underlying issues were there and it's being a very rocky road. We split got back together etc etc then I proposed as I am deeply in love with her. We've been married for five months and generally it's been awful. Falling out at least once a week. I'm not at all argumentative, three separate counsellors have all advised me to remove myself during her bouts of anger,frustration which I do to her incredible annoyance as abandonment is such an issue. I suggested couples counselling which we did. 24 hours after our first session, she disliked the therapist, no surprise there, I arrived home to a lovely cooked meal and a lot of attentiveness. Ten minutes later she's at me again. I leave for the spare room, again.

The following morning she asks me if I'm going to ignore her all day. I reply that I'm so sick and tired of this and I swear and leave this house. On returning I'm not allowed in. I left my phone behind which is now hanging in a bag by the back door. She's called the police and invented threats never made that she's distraught, never was. This is followed two days later by a court bailiff serving me with a non molestation order. I'm aggressive I pushed her etc etc... .all lies. I have a court appearance this week . I have to give a statement to them, a copy of which she receives before the hearing.

So five months in its all gone pear shaped, again. I'm continually pulling myself apart asking myself if it's me? We are in the house together. I can't speak to her. It's deja vu. It's so hard. I can't turn my feelings on and off like a tap but her BPD means I'm a classic case of hero to zero in sixty seconds.

I cannot see a way back from this. To call the police and go to court is a bridge too far... .

When will I learn?

[Jeffree]

All I am hearing here is a lot of zero and no hero.

Maybe when you see clearly just how rare the hero moments are and how numerous the zero moments are you will see the disparity between the two.

J

[Speck]

This sounds like pure hell.  I am so sorry that this is what you're dealing with right now.  Keep us posted.

-Speck