Post breakup trauma

[Audi1011]

I am suffering from excruciating pain from my recent break up with borderline bf. He proposed within 6 months and got me to move in with him and shortly after living with him, hell started. I get blamed for no apparent reason. In the first 6 months he convinced me that I am the eternal one for him and that he couldn't do without me, but his clinginess and fault finding drove me to threaten breakup two months go. I retracted my words then and asked for forgiveness. Ever since, things started to go downhill, he would hurl verbal abuses for no good reason and disrespected in many ways. After a tormenting 2 months of his outburst, I decided to move out. I have stuff left behind in his house and he packed most of it aside, removing all our pictures, before I could complete shifting. This is so hurtful.

[Cire155]

After a tormenting 2 months of his outburst, I decided to move out. I have stuff left behind in his house and he packed most of it aside, removing all our pictures, before I could complete shifting. This is so hurtful.

First thing I will tell you is that I'm sorry you are going through this because we never ask to be in these situations. Second I will say you are not alone. Mos of use here in this community are survivors and will get stronger from these events. My exBPD would pack my things every time she would get mad at me or blame me for something I didn't do. The packing of my things would hurt me because it meant that she was kicking me out of her life. This was done on purpose for me to feel pain. They know how to push buttons to cause a reaction. The hurt you feel was purposefully driven by him. You sound exactly like I was in my relationship where I would apologize for things I shouldn't have and enabled my exBPD to continue her behavior. You saw the red flags but ignored them. Your boundaries were being crushed to dust. I don't know what your plans are for continuing your relationship or to leave it but either way you have come to the right place and support is here. Welcome

[Lost-love-mind]

Audi
You are in the right place.
Your pain is felt in my heart. No person deserves any mental abuse from the verbal or empty (lack of) communication from the pwBPD.
Some great advice/empathy will be on the way.
Hang in there.

[Bo123]

Like the song "The 1st cut is the deepest", you are now flooded with the reality you either chose to not see or simply missed.  You are better and strong that you moved out.  Bravo!  You saw and acted on what it takes some people years to do, be proud of that, you have self-esteem.  Focus on putting YOUR life together and not his.  I say this because I see it lacking on this board but short term therapy with a MFT or see your Dr for sleeping pills or anti-anxiety meds in low doses as you figure this out.  No insurance, check for low cost clinics, this is a major blow and major emotional events change our brain chemistry, its a crutch not a long term solution, but right now you need a good nights sleep and to think clearly after being blindsided.  The fog will clear, I promise.  Take care of yourself, priority #1.  You have a good start, don't stop, keep moving.  You will do well I'm sure.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Audi1011, Welcome!  You have come to a great place and we "get it" when it comes to BPD.  Your story is quite familiar and, as Cire said, you are not alone.  Most of us have been through the BPD wringer and are just a little further down the road.  As Bo suggests, the place to start is with yourself, by treating yourself with care and compassion.  the good news is that you have made the initial break, which is the hardest step to take.  Now you are in a position to get your life back, slowly and patiently.

LuckyJim

[Alf17]

Same here. It´s really hard for us to accept that a person can change so much in just a second. They leave us feeling that the one we loved is gone, and instead this person we have the opposite one.
Is just like having a part of your own soul ripped out.

The only thing now is time, keep doing stuff you used to like even if now you don´t want to do it anymore and let your friends and fam share your pain, although they probably won´t be able to understand it.

best wishes!