What to expect. Wife just started a 30 day residential therapy

[witsendafter10]

Well, I was able to get my wife to admit herself into residential treatment for the next 30 days for intensive therapy. Has anyone been down this road? I realize 30 days doesn't "fix" everything, but I'd like to know what kind of expectations I should have so I'm prepared.

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[Insom]

 

Hi, witsendafter10!   

Bumping this up.  I'm unable to speak to this, but maybe someone else here can.  Anyone?

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome witsendafter10!

Congratulations on your wife getting into treatment. I know there are some members on the boards whose SOs have gone through programs, but I honestly can't recall any of their names right now.

I would say the outcome probably really depends on how seriously she takes the treatment. If she plugs into it then it could lead to great improvements. If not, it may be the same as it was.

Regardless of how she responds, what are you doing to prepare yourself for her return? Are you in T? Reading any books on living with someone with BPD? Reviewing your values and boundaries?

[witsendafter10]

Hi guys! I am cautiously optimistic about what to expect from this treatment center. Two things really struck me: First, they allowed me to send in a statement about my experiences (in regards to the Mrs), and second, they are going to include me in the next therapy session this Friday. I am nervous about that for some reason. Probably because a lot of the things I sent to the therapist are going to make my wife very uncomfortable. We shall see... .I have to give my wife some credit for allowing me to be a part of it. I also commend the facility for encouraging both me and her to give some perspective. I'll follow up when I know more.

As for myself, I've been in therapy for years. I actually really enjoy it. We are going to start working on DBT together while she is away so I'll be more prepared when she returns. The books I've read are, "Beyond Borderline" and I'm currently reading "Stop Walking on Egg Shells". Any other recommendations?

Same for values and boundaries. I have some loosely set boundaries (ie, when she starts yelling or screaming that I will leave the room and wait until she calms to continue the conversation) and I have a pretty good handle on my values. Anyone have boundary suggestions that have worked well?

[Mutt]

Hi witsendafter10,

 

I’m not currently in a r/s pwBPD Im sure that a senior member can offer you advice there with upholding your boundaries. Your wife is lucky to have you help with DBT. A book I’d recommend is Valerie Porr MA book Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder because I like her message on compassion.

[gotbushels]

Wow!

Hi witsendafter10   

Thank you for sharing your question here.

I want to join Tattered Heart with supporting you with a congratulations on your wife agreeing to residential treatment. For partners here, sometimes even working toward the symptoms one by one is so difficult.

We are going to start working on DBT together ... .

Wonderful. I've heard DBT is so useful. Having looked at some of the techniques myself, I think there can only be tremendous value for a pwBPD using them.

... ."Stop Walking on Egg Shells".

This is so good. A P that I consulted with recommended this to me. I read it too and found it fabulously helpful.

I have some loosely set boundaries (ie, when she starts yelling or screaming that I will leave the room and wait until she calms to continue the conversation)

I think this is an excellent boundary example. Even if you describe it as loosely set, that you've managed to make it work--I want to hold out props to you and your wife. The benefit from this boundary is that it will encourage respectful communication for you to handle for when she triggers into yelling. At the time, I didn't have this boundary when I was working with my SO, and communication was extremely hard for me.

I wish you peace and a fruitful time with your wife through the treatment. 



While parties are a mother and a 13yo daughter (pwBPD), this journal might be useful with adding to a general understanding of how DBT treatment might work. While a parent-daughter relationship is clearly distinguished from an intimate partner relationship, I do think a lot of the skills apply to both; e.g., distress tolerance and emotional regulation.